Totally just using tumblr as like a picture diary and vent fest. I sort of have this image in my city of being a super positive, empowering human when in reality I’m a sad sack of shit.
I live in Texas and I met a boy who lived in Florida. This was back when I was like 90 lbs. we talked non stop for weeks and in between me switching companies to work for, I had a break. He jokingly said I should come visit him. I totally did, too. 19 fucking hours my 90 lb body drove. Never stopped to sleep, just drove straight. Wasn’t even supposed to be driving over 100 miles. So I didn’t tell anyone till I left.
I met him at 3 am on his door step. I have never felt the way I did in that moment. I remember it being super chilly that night and me not being prepared for it and when he hugged me it was so warm and just homey.
I had the best four days of my life. He took me to my first bar, a magic show, fancy restaurants, car shows, a concert, to watch the sun set out on a pier, he drove me around and showed me where every relative he had lived and told me all his stories, he got us a hotel with a room that faced the ocean and I remember he stopped to pet every single dog we walked past. He honestly was the most kind, charming and beautiful man I had ever met.
I had been restricting so badly and I remember not wanting him to think I was crazy so I ate and oh my god did I eat. Amazing food. Incredible food. And he just made me not even worry about ana.
I left and was so depressed. I cried the first 3 hours of my drive. Ugly crying. Like Kim Kardashian crying. Ew.
We kept talking every day and face timing and sending each other presents in the mail. We kept missing one another and talking about one day, what if.
Then one day came. A 7 weeks after me visiting he tells me he’s moving to my city. He found a job and we’re going to do this. I had never been so happy in my entire life. I had to wait two months for him and every day my excitement grew.
My weight stayed around 104 or below that whole time.
He came. He really came. He moved in with me in my shitty downtown apartment and we had the greatest life. We were so happy. We danced, we sang, we cooked, we ate, we drank, we laughed until we cried and we loved so fucking hard.
Then I went to the doctor one day. Was told I had a normal healthy BMI and I flipped. It was his fault. I kept trying to restrict after that but my love for cooking had grown with his passion to eat good food and it was so hard. When I was alone I could stay tiny.
So I did what I’ve always done and I ran. I left him, without any explanation. Broke him. Crushed him. This man had moved across the country for me and after a year I just left. All because my BMI reached the healthy percentile. Not even above, right on it.
Relatiobshits make you fat, right?
It’s been 7 months now. About 2 months ago he popped back up and then we went out a few times and the scale went up and I cut him off without a word.
Because I’m a terrible fucking person. Obviously.
Then tonight he reached out to me and after talking back and forth he asked me to come over and I did. When he opened his phone I saw he had been sending heart emojis to someone so I ended up asking him about it. He’s apparently been talking to this girl I know for a whiiiiiile. Makes sense why the last time I saw her she gave me a death stare. Oh well.
Anyways tonight I was over there watching the World Series and he just grabbed me and hugged me. So tightly and so warm. Like the first hug. He wouldn’t let go and he kissed my forehead and said “I miss you”
Later he hugged me again and then kissed me for real and I kissed back and I ended up in his lap and we started really making out and then I stopped because I’m like “holy shit what are we doing” and he just looks at me like “what have I’ve done” (SERIOUSLY NOT A FUCK BOY. SERIOUSLY HE IS THE MOST KIND HEARTED SOUL TO BLESS THE EARTH AND IM AN EVIL WITCH)
I told him I was sorry and tried to leave and said I hope he doesn’t make this a habit and he grabbed me and hugged me again for what felt like forever and then grabbed my hands and said “I will forever love you” and I know he will and god do I love him too. So much.
My mom introduces him (yeah they still see one another since he has no family here and my mom adores him) as “the one who got away”
And, he is.
I want him back so badly because I know we make one another whole. God there’s so much I could tell and you would just know it too. But he makes me happy and carefree and that makes me fat. I’m seriously choosing ana over love.
And that’s true love for Ana..
Thanks for letting my have a diary. Just needed to say all of that.
I just spent actual money on Kim Kardashian Hollywood so that I could have enough stars to stop from getting divorced, because that it literally the closest thing I’ve had to a stable relationship in two years.
• “ Where were you? When the bombs went off?
• ” I’m out of bullets. “
• ” You lose anyone? “
• ” I lost everything. “
• ” One good thing about the apocalypse? No more traffic jams. “
• ” Is that blood, or did the mystery can contain tomato soup? “
• ” What do you think started this? “
• ” The bombs/angels/demons/deadly virus/natural disasters/alien invasion/insert other struck so fast, killed so many… It’s a miracle anyone’s alive.
• “ HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM! ”
• “ Jesus, thank God! I thought I was the last one! ”
• “ We need to find shelter. It’s getting dark… ”
• “ Do you pray anymore? ”
• “ Let’s get wasted. Whatever deity that’s out there anymore just granted us a bottle of scotch. ”
• “ The fire won’t light, the wood is too wet! ”
• “ Are you crying? ”
• “ Please, don’t cry! I-I know things seem bad right now, but they will get better. ”
• “ How many bullets do we have left? ”
• “ _______, you gotta hold still, baby, I can’t… I can’t fix this unless you sit still. ”
• “ How dumb do you have to be to still think there’s any hope left?! ”
• “ HELP! ”
• “ We’re gonna die here. Aren’t we? ”
• “ I just wish I coulda said goodbye to my mom. My dad. My family… ”
• “ Shit! _______, the floor is caving! HURRY UP, COME ON! Take my hand! ”
• “ Don’t you dare do that again, you crazy asshole! ”
• “ This is it? Your fucking sanctuary is… is a goddamn school bus?! ”
• “ How the hell are you still alive? ”
• “ Welp. Seeing as how this is the end and all… You got a cigarette/condom/pen/gun? ”
• “ Who the hell sees the apocalypse and decides to carry a damn photo album? ”
• “ Heh. I know this thing is gonna be our end, but man… Isn’t it beautiful? ”
• “ DAMNIT! NO! ”
• “ The car won’t go anymore. We’re screwed, _______. As if we weren’t already. ”
• “ What are those things? ”
• “ We can’t bring them/go with them! They could be psychos! ”
• “ Oho… This is just fucking hilarious. Look! You’d think the dumb tabloids would have something on the end of days, but no. They focus on Kim Kardashians ass. ”
• “ Maybe we aren’t supposed to survive this. ”
• “ This isn’t how we die! We don’t die like this, ______, you hear me, asshole?! Now stand up and get your ass into the fucking car, or so help me, I will put a bullet in your pretty face! ”
• “ Why are you laughing? ”
• “ It’s Christmas Eve/Christmas Day/New Years Eve/ New Years Day/my birthday today. ”
• “ If this is the last thing you hear and I say, then fuck it. _______, I love you. ”
🛏— said in a sleepy voice. Your muse is either exhausted or just rolling out of bed. The apocalypse has no consideration for your muses beauty sleep.
💧— said in a sad voice. Your muse is either crying, about to cry, after crying, or just really really sad.
The apocalypse tends to have that effect.
💥— said in an angry voice. Your muse is furious, at the end of their tether, and about to cause their very own apocalypse.
👤— said in a monotonous voice. Your muse literally couldn’t care if they tried. End of days? Whatever dude.
👄— said in a flirty tone. Your muse is romantically/sexually interested in my muse. Because it’s gonna take more than an apocalypse to screw up your love life!
🕶— said in a casual tone. Your muse could not give a damn, because today is taco tuesday. Pass on them tortillas and let’s get this party started.
please stop calling kim kardashian white: a plea from a tired middle eastern girl.
1. she’s not white she’s middle eastern 2. she’s said repeatedly she’s middle eastern. she’s said she’s a woman of color. she’s very proud of her armenian (that’s in the middle east folks!) heritage. 3. this doesn’t mean she’s black though so you can still call her out when she appropriates from black culture - it’s totally possible for middle eastern people to culturally appropriate from other ethnicities that they don’t belong to. but we can call these people out without calling them white. 4. this only applies to kardashians. jenners are 100% white.
Kim Kardashian You Are The Sexiest Woman Alive Girl I Want Take You And Treat You Right Babe I Wanna Be With Those Sexy And Young Legs And I Wanna Pleasure That Sweet Body Until We Hit The Bed And I Work On The Rest Of You. Baby I Can Take Care Of You I Will Make You Feel Right And Sexy And Young. With Me There’s No Breaks It’s All About Sexy Kim Kardashian And What We Do In The Bedroom Will Be Whatever You Want To Do Just Let Me Know Honey Cuz Your My Love And My Life And I’m One Sexy Incredible Romantic Night Away From Yours Baby. I LOVE YOU KIM KARDASHIAN. ♥️♥️♥️❤️❤️😍😍😍😘😘😘💋💋💋❤️❤️💯💯💯💯💯