Seriously Simon you need to stop calling me two seconds after I’ve just finished a gig and used up all my energy spending three hours doing the same pose over and over again and then walking out of the shoot to go fly to Miami so I can tap some random birds and fire hydrants for more energy because I already tapped every bird and fire hydrant in Southern California and when I tap those birds and fire hydrants I don’t get any energy anyway so I have to drag myself back to the photoshoot and the photographer is oblivious to the fact that I just up and walked out and just keeps taking pictures that I never even get to see. You are seriously the manager from hell and my social life is a mess because my so called girlfriend just calls me out of the blue and says we should break up and she’s basic anyway and has no appreciation for all the bottles of wine I buy and the fancy ass dinners where she insults my outfit and then we go straight to kissing because that’s apparently a sign of a healthy relationship in this town.
UM… EXCUSE ME YOU PEASANTS. THIS OUTFIT COST ME LIKE $3000. I GOT A MILLION FANS BECAUSE OF THIS OUTFIT. ALL OF YOU FUCKING LOWLY SCUM NUGGETS ARE FUCKING UNDERDRESSED. I DON’T APPRECIATE YOUR OUTFITS. YOU ALL AREN’T APPROPRIATELY DRESSED FOR PANINO. FUCKING PANINO. DO YOU HEAR THE MUSIC IN HERE. AND YOU FUCKING E-LISTER. I AM UNIMPRESSED WITH YOUR FUCKING STATUS. I AM NUMBER ONE AND ALL OF YOU ARE PEASANTS.