kim k crying face


“Clarke and Bellamy have such respect for each other, even though they don’t see the world the same way. They also respect each other for their strengths. The fact that they are getting closer and closer — and it is not a romantic relationship — and yet they are closer than a romantic relationship.”

My Perpetual Home... aka, The Friend Zone

Hi again. So I wrote this while being emotional over my own pathetic love life, and yeah. There may be a part two here if you like it enough? Let me know. 


The ridiculous part was the fact that even our mothers shipped us. From the time we were born within a few months of each other they had decided that we would grow up, date for an appropriate amount of time, get engaged, and then get married, afterwards providing them with plenty of grandchildren to love and spoil. At first, of course, this idea didn’t appeal to either Luke or me. We believed strongly in the existence of cooties, and each time they made a comment about how cute we were/would be together, one of us would reply that the other was icky because they were a member of the opposite sex. Of course, as the years went by, that changed for both of us, and we found ourselves in our teenage years, complete with raging hormones and the new discovery that boys/girls were not, in fact, icky. And that’s when I discovered that, hey, maybe this Luke Hemmings kid I had practically been raised with wasn’t so bad after all. And that, my friends, was the awful beginning of an absolutely harrowing journey through the friend zone.

Let me just tell you this, I never let my crush on Luke hinder our friendship. We talked daily, we played video games together, and we helped each other with guy/girl problems. We were closer than ever by the time 5sos took off, and I couldn’t have been prouder of him. He had been chasing this all his life, practically, and it was so great to see him living his dream.

But the number one (and maybe only…) perk of being the best friend? Touring. Every time I had a school break my parents would fly me out to be with Luke and the boys on tour, and I would get to go around with them, seeing them in their natural habitat. The fans were the sweetest, and always told me how pretty they thought I was (a minor miracle when they saw me with no makeup and crappy travel clothes half of the time) and some even went as far as to tell me that they shipped Luke and I– a thought that was especially flattering because it meant that I wasn’t the only one who thought we’d be a good couple.

Things went south, however, when Ash and Cal picked up on my little crush, and by that time Michael wasn’t far behind. They teased me mercilessly when Luke wasn’t around, and they even gave me very pointed look every time he cuddled up to me or told me I looked nice.

One day, Ash cornered me in my bunk, and gave me an ultimatum of sorts. “Look. It’s pretty obvious that you like Luke, alright? And if you don’t tell him that you like him soon, I’m going to tell him.”

I gasped, and stared at him in shock. “I’m sorry, it sounded like you just said that you were going to tell Luke that I like him.”

Ashton gave me his cheeky grin and giggled. “Why that’s exactly what I said. Just think about it,” he told me, and I glared after his retreating figure.

There was no way. I could not and I repeat not tell Luke Hemmings that I liked him. There was a reason that I had kept my feelings away from him for these past few years– because I was almost 100% certain that he didn’t return them. There had never been anything but friendship between the two of us, and for now I was okay with that. I was alright being in the friend zone, because if you had put yourself there, there was no use in complaining.

The next day, it was Calum who pulled me aside. “You really need to tell him. I can’t stand to see you like this, and I don’t think Luke can take feeling that way either.”

“Excuse me? What does that mean?” Could it be true that Luke actually felt the same way about me?

Calum’s face dropped. “Uh, nothing. Just, you know, means that he doesn’t like seeing his best friend upset.”

“Oh. Well, thanks anyway, Cal. I’ll think about it.” After that, I went back to the tour bus and ate too much ice cream while watching Love Actually, sobbing over the fact that I was too much of a pussy to admit to my best friend that I liked him. And that one of his best friends had just for intents and purposes just confirmed that he didn’t feel the same way. God, why couldn’t my life just turn out the way things did in movies? Where the sweet, kind, intelligent, caring girl actually gets the guy instead of just dreaming about it and praying that someday she would find someone as good as the guy she had loved for so long. I was so lost in my thoughts, considering hunting down a legal pad for a “Pros and Cons of Breaking Out of the Friend Zone” list when I felt a familiar figure slide onto the couch next to me.

“Penny for your thoughts,” he said, in his Luke way that I found absolutely irresistible.

“Oh, just thinking about, you know, very important stuff.” I told him, hoping like hell that he wouldn’t ask me to elaborate.

He did. “What kind of important stuff?”

“The kind that one keeps to themselves, because revealing could potentially cause their lives to crumble into a billion little pieces.” I was rewarded with a disbelieving stare, and realized that I had actually said my very sarcastic thought out loud.

“What wrong?” he asked, concerned, and I shook my head.

“It’s nothing, Luke, really. Just forget about it.”

“Look, I know something’s up. You’ve been acting a little weird lately. I just want my best friend back.” he said it with such genuine concern that I felt bad doing what I was about to do.

“Well you can’t have your best friend back, Hemmings.”

A look of sheer heartbreak crossed his face, and I started to ugly cry, Kim K. style. “You can’t have her back, because I don’t want to be your friend. I want to be more. I can’t take this anymore, pretending when you cuddle with me or grab my hand to take me somewhere that it’s because you like me, even when I know it’s simply platonic. I want to be your girlfriend. The one that you tell everything to– your hopes, your dreams, your fears. I want to be the one you come to after a long day, the one that you can’t wait to see after tour and the one that you write a song for. And if I can’t be that, honestly I don’t think I can be in your life. I know, it hurts me too, but I can’t sit here watching you and wishing that you were mine.” I looked at him, and there were tears in his eyes. He didn’t even open his mouth to speak, though, and I figured that I had my answer. “Right,” I said, trying desperately to wipe away my tears. “Well, I’ll just get my stuff ready to go. There’s no need for us to torture ourselves.” I walked away slowly, hoping that he would grab my hand to hold me back, but he didn’t. And that was the end. I moved to my bunk and shoved all of my stuff into my suitcase, all the while buying a last minute ticket home.

I was just leaving the bus when the other boys caught me. “Where are you going? Do you have plans?” Ash asked, his cheeky grin absent.

I wiped away more tears, and shook my head. “No. Well, yes. Plans to go home.”

“Home? Why? I thought things were going well. If there’s anything we can change to make you stay, just tell us and we’ll do it!” Michael told me, rubbing his hair worriedly.

“Thanks, guys, but the one thing I want, you can’t change.”