killing-myself-tbh

The Picture of Dorian Gray
  • Lord henry: wow basil who u paintin
  • basil: NOBODY [sweats]
  • lord henry: he's p. hot u should show this pic to everyone
  • basil: dude i cant theres ~too much of my self in it~
  • lord henry: LMAO BASIL you ugly fuck that guys the hottest dude ive ever seen and you.... well.... arent..... but dw im sure hes dumb as shit
  • basil: .........:(((...........but i love him
  • dorian: sup guys im here now what talkin about
  • basil: how hot you are
  • lord herny: yeah
  • dorian: hahah omfg
  • bail: let me finish my painting
  • lord henry: OKAY im going
  • dorian: HENRY NO DONT LEAVE ME HERE its v. boring
  • henry: k fine let me just poison your entire worldview and turn you into an asshole in like 1 page
  • lord henry: hey u know dorian that painting of u is p hot but you wont be hot forever one day you will be OLD and GROSS
  • Dorian: oh fuck
  • dorian: oh god really
  • dorian: if only through some ambiguous dark magic the painting could get old and gross instead of me :'(((
  • basil: dude chill
  • dorian: I WOULD RATHER KILL MYSELF THAN BE OLD AND GROSS
  • Basil: ~DORIAN NO~
  • Basil: I will destroy the painting
  • Dorin: basil no its pretty
  • Basil: fine
  • Hery: k bye everyone i got stuff to do
  • ~later~
  • basil: hey dorian hey
  • basil: here you can have this painting bc im madly in love with you
  • Dorian: SWEET ok bye
  • Dorian: [closes door]
  • dorian: [looks at painting]
  • dorian: [breathes heavily]
  • Dorian: fuck............ im so hot.........
  • ~1 month later~
  • dorian: hey everyone im engaged to this actress
  • everyone: cool lets go see her play
  • actress: [bad acting]
  • Dorian: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!! ACTRESS!!!!! WHY YOU ARE V. DISAPPOINTING
  • actress: b/c I love u :'(((
  • Dorian: u suk bye bitch
  • actress: kills self
  • dorian: [doesn't know]
  • painting: ~evil vibes~
  • dorian: ew omg no no no i must write an apologetic letter to the girl i hastily ceased loving
  • henry: lol she dead
  • dorian: SHITTTTTTTT SHITS SHIT
  • dorian: Thats it there is no good left in my heart
  • henry: haha yeah also here have this book that will turn you into even more of a jerk
  • dorian: tnx henri
  • henry: bye
  • basil: DORIAN WHAT THE HELL OH GOD you are not the starry eyed little twink i knew 1 month ago what happen to you dorian no ilu
  • dorian: ((hmmmmm basil would probably turn me into a better person......... but no...... i am an evil man......evil.......to the core..))
  • dorian: Bye basil
  • ~5 years pass~
  • dorian: hahah im such a bad person but who gives a fuck
  • dorian: [various ke$ha songs and montage of him throwing money and jewels and music and rich tapestries and orgies everywhere]
  • dorion: k that was fun
  • painting: [hella gross]
  • dorian: lmao
  • ~another 5 years pass~
  • basil: dorin omfg hi is that u
  • dorian: yea
  • basil: i have heard bad things about u dorian everyone says youre a fucking asshole but i don't believe them bc you're too hot
  • dorian: hahahahaha actually speaking of do you want to see my ~soul~
  • basil: lol wut
  • dorian: HERE IS THE PAINTING
  • Basl : HOLYF FUCK WHA THT EHFUCKIGN
  • dorian: .........wait.... why did i show you that.......
  • dorian: fuck...... i have to kill you srry
  • basil: [dead]
  • dorian: hm.
  • dorian: hello chemist man can u pls destroy that body with your chemistry magic
  • chemist man: k
  • ~later~
  • henry: sup kid
  • dorian: stuff
  • dorian: hey henry do u think basil got murderd
  • henry: dunno prolly dont care really
  • dorian: .......k
  • ~later~
  • dorian: haha wow
  • dorian: I'm a bad person
  • dorian: this sucks better go kill myself tbh
  • Dorian: [stabs painting n dies]
  • police: wtf this is gross
  • ~FIN~

Cam offered to bring me sushi because I’m a sad lil bitch so we’re gonna watch bad movies or something and lay around.

Simple Saturdays like this keep me from killing myself tbh. 🤷🏻‍♀️

anonymous asked:

killing myself for your imagines tbh could you do one where the reader can roll their R's and Calvin can't? Preferably fluffy?

I’m so so sorry if this is awful or not fluffy enough, I tried :(


You scrolled lazily through Twitter, some of the tweets making you roll your eyes as Calvin sat on the sofa next to you, his arm casually slung around your shoulders, resting on the back of the settee.
He chuckled at the comedian on the TV and you smiled into your phone at his laugh, though you found paint drying to be more entertaining than what he had chosen to watch.
The ads came on and you absentmindedly rolled your tongue like you always did, creating a soft ‘r’ sound, much like a hum when you did it quietly enough.
After about thirty seconds you felt Calvin watching you and you turned to face him.
‘What?’ You asked, as his chocolate eyes watched you intently.
‘How do you do that?’ He asked, his brow knitted adorably.
‘Simple.’ You smiled as you tried your best to explain it to him, showing him where to position his tongue.
He tried so hard, even pulling his phone out and opening the camera so he could see his reflection in an attempt to replicate your movements.

You put your hand over your mouth to stifle your laughter as he got more and more grumpy and frustrated.
'Why can’t I do it?’ He raged. You tried to soothe him by telling him you could do it so well because you spoke Spanish, but he wasn’t having it.
'Show me again.’ He said and you spoke a bit of Spanish, rolling your 'R’s in the process.
He watched your mouth as the words rolled off your tongue, the beautiful sounds filling the quiet room. He was silent as he watched you, his eyes never leaving your lips.
You noticed him leaning closer by the second, determined to find out how to do it.
A smile gradually developed on your lips until you burst out laughing at his extremely concentrated expression.
'That’s so cool.’ He said, his eyes still fixed on you.
He tried again, positioning his tongue slightly differently in hopes of achieving a different result.
'Like this?’ He asked, his voice muffled.
'Try it.’ You replied, as eager to see if it would work as he was.

You watched his lips and listened for any trace of a noise, but instead of trying he leaned forward and licked your nose.
You shrieked, trying to shove him away as he laughed, climbing on top of you.
You were lying with your back on the couch and he held your hands in his, your fingers intertwined as he secured them at either side of your head.
He suddenly began tickling you and you screamed, wriggling and writhing as you desperately tried to get out of his reach.
'No! Stop!’ You shouted through your laughter, trying to crawl away.
You felt his hands secure around your waist and he lifted you up before you fell off the couch, lifting you into his lap.
His hair was dishevelled from your wrestling match and you giggled as you combed it down with your fingers.
He went to kiss you, leaning down closer to your face and your stomach fluttered the way it always did until he stopped right in front of you and a soft 'rrrrr’ sound came out of his mouth.
'Oh my god!’ He exclaimed, right in your face. He jumped about so much you nearly fell off his lap and he swore as he caught you, holding you tightly to him as his eyes lit up.
'Listen, Y/n! Listen!’ He exclaimed and then went silent as he positioned his tongue with great effort and precision. After a moment he made the noise again, and again. You laughed at his elated expression and he laughed with joy, continuously rolling his 'R’s.
'Okay, I get it. Shut up now.’ You said, pressing a kiss to his still smiling lips.
'I don’t think so. This is payback.’ He said, a devilish grin on his adorable face.


Keep the requests coming guys, feel free to send any at all x
Also, any constructive criticism at all is welcome as I’m fully aware my writing isn’t great - so that’s welcome too, and I’d appreciate it a lot!
Thanks for your requests, and I hope this wasn’t too bad lol x

I want Killing Stalking to end with Yoonbum getting Sangwoo to fall for him, and become almost dependent on Yoonbum, just like how it was reversed in the beginning. Sangwoo will confess his love for Yoonbum and then I want Bum to pull a Hans from Frozen and be like “Oh Sangwoo, if only there was someone who loved you” and then just fucking deck him then and there 

trjwizard  asked:

BTS Gang AU= RapMon as the Leader, Yoongi as the most experienced Assassin (think Black Widow), Hoseok as the Planner, Seokjin as the Middle Man (getting weapons & stuff), Jimin as the Thief, V as the up-and-coming Assassin, former Informant, Jungkook as the All-Round, capable of successfully planning a mission, breaking and entering, gaining information, committing an assassination, and gaining weapons & other things. i KILLED MYSELF

Tbh I love that. When I thought ‘Bts gang au’ i kinda imagined them to work more with drugs and smuggling, with Namjoon being the leader and being surprisingly good with finances and handling conflicts that may arise with the help of Hoseok, who he recruited as a ‘Leader of Internal Affairs’.

Hoseok- Alias Hope - Is kinda scared of fighting and hates doing field work because he gets so anxious that he makes himself sick. When he does go out to do physical work, it’s usually to meet with clients or other leaders for various reasons. Usually Jimin or Jungkook joins him to both protect him as well as keep him company and try to help him not be sick (it usually never works and hoseok ends up throwing up anyway and Jimin always makes fun of him for it) but hoseok actually defused an incident between Block B and Bulletproof which almost resulted in a falling out (an exchange of money between a client and Tae, which Minhyuk - aliased B-Bomb - intercepted. It was kinda intense and neither Jiho nor Namjoon were happy with each other) He also helped to raise Jungkook as tbh he’s pretty much the most normal person out of the ‘Top 6′ (Later becomes 7) so he was kinda insistent on spending a lot of time with him because the others are bad influences whoops

Jungkook- no alias - was found when he was a kid by Namjoon, and due to a series of unfortunate events (ayyyyy ~~ reference ~~), he ended up being raised within the gang, and therefore holds some kind of warped morals amongst other issues that Namjoon mostly has control over. He’s pretty much good at everything- an all rounder, like you said. He finds dealing pretty boring and so he usually works with Jimin as they both prefer physical work over sitting around. 

Jimin - no alias- is great with both hand to hand and weaponry, as in guns and knives. He helped, alongside Namjoon, to train Jungkook and raise him with Hoseok cause he’s kinda sensitive when he’s not in work mode so whenever Kooks would miss his family he’d help by telling him funny stories and all that. He and Yoongi hang out lots because the others (except for Namjoon but he’s always busy) are pretty loud and Yoongi has his own area that Namjoon gave him to just relax in peace and quiet because he gets annoyed easy and honestly his speciality kinda calls for it, so Jimin comes and goes as he pleases, and Yoongi is okay with that as long as he puts everything back where it was before he got there and promises not to make too much noise. Sometimes Jimin helps Yoongi with what he does but truthfully he doesn’t quiet like it all that much because he’s not really into prolonging pain and is much better in simply working in the heat of the moment. He’s the head trainer for the newbies who join Bulletproof, as well as the boss for those at a low ranking (the lowly dealers and up and coming assassins) 

SPEAKING OF YOONGI - aliased Suga - idk his job is kinda my favourite because he’s the resident torturer/interrogator, kinda. It was never really intended for him to be good at it, it just so happened that he found excessive physical fighting tiring and downright gross so one day Namjoon asked him if maybe he’d be interested in interrogating this guy they had and like “yeah sure man idk can I use pain?” “I mean if you want?” and that’s when everyone found out that Yoongi is unusually good at causing pain and increasing it at an appropriate rate to get what he wants and Taehyung couldn’t stop laughing when it came out that he was good at it because “wtf Yoongi” but he did once come close to dying but Namjoon took care of that issue pretty quickly once Yoongi was out of hospital ~

Taehyung - aliased V - is the dealer/housekeeper-kinda(he gets bored easy and gets kinda twitchy when he’s inside for too long so nams just gave him another job to do and he’s actually pretty good at it) Tae, like Jungkook, was found by Namjoon on the street, although Taehyung was late into his teens and was selling counterfeit products for a living (was happy about it, too) so namjoon had asked if he’d be willing to make more than ten times the profit he’d make in a usual month, in a week, and Taehyung had of course agreed and the rest is history. He gets high a lot (more than Namjoon would like but it wasn’t as if the kid was on anything hard) and one time he royally screwed up and, once again, Hoseok was put in charge of fixing the situation, although even he was very doubtful if he’d be able to fix the mistake without somebody going to jail. Needless to say Tae held off on getting high for a while after the mistake.

Namjoon - aliased Monster - is, of course, the leader and founder of Bulletproof. It’s known that ever since Bulletproof began to rise in power, he stopped having any immediate involvement in terms of recruiting and training- that was all left up to Jimin and Jungkook, now. What people don’t know, is that he’s great at working behind the scenes, even if he finds it tedious and boring. Only when there is an immediate threat to Bulletproof as a whole, or anybody in the Top 7, does he put aside the paperwork and intervene in the situation himself. This has happened a few times, including Tae’s screw up, Yoongi’s near death experience and the Block B debacle, and he was able to finish these issues fairly clean. He’s also pretty well rounded, although he tends to go to Yoongi and Hoseok for advice if need be (for example, when it came to jin, the three discussed for days before a conclusion was reached)

AAAAAND Seokjin - not really an alias, everyone just calls him Jin - but pretty much, he was the result of Tae’s giant screw up. He the chief of police in Seoul. After talking with Hoseok, he finally was able to organise a meeting with ‘Monster’ and met at a bar (that bulletproof owns btw so namjoon found it really funny how he kept going quiet whenever a waitress would walk past because jin didn’t want them to hear what he was saying) and so jin pretty much confessed that the reason he didn’t turn tae in was because he wants in on bulletproof, and namjoon doesn’t really know what to say. Eventually, jin’s accepted, but it’s not for a long while until he joins the ranks of the Top 6- which turns into Top 7. He pretty much keeps Bulletproof affiliates safe (or as safe as he can) from the law, as well as supplying weaponry and information on gang activity. Yoongi, Jimin, Jungkook and Tae all distrust him, while Namjoon and Hoseok feel that Jin doesn’t pose any threat to Bulletproof.

A side note- They aren’t known as the Top 7 for nothing. All the members are pretty well rounded, including Hoseok, even though he hates fighting. Namjoon makes it mandatory to undergo specialised training when someone within the gang hits a certain rank, which includes (but is not limited to) break and entry, interrogation, hand to hand combat and ranged combat, and even assassination, although Bulletproof have never had to commit an assassination. “It’s fun to know” Jimin and Jungkook had argued but Yoongi and Hoseok had complained like nothing else, while Jin was kinda shocked because he never expected the gang hierarchy to be so set in stone as well as so physically demanding. 

Can you tell I’ve thought about this too much and that I’m getting way too into this

- Admin J