killing this earth

9

I feel the sun on my face. I see trees all around me, scent of wildflowers on a breeze. It’s so beautiful. In this moment, I’m not stranded in space. It’s been 97 years since a nuclear apocalypse killed everyone on Earth, leaving the planet simmering in radiation. Fortunately, there were survivors. at the time of the bombs. There is now only The Ark, one station forged from the many. We’re told the Earth needs another 100 years to become survivable again. and man can go home, back to the ground. The ground, that’s the dream. This is reality.

6

You with me? 
Always.

Linguistics Student Gothic

You’re copy/pasting IPA symbols for a paper in a quiet library. There are two (2) things you don’t currently know. 1) The symbols you’re copy/pasting are clickable for sound and 2) Your computer’s sound is all the way up. Aaaahhh. Your computer says. You look around startledly. It wasn’t porn guys. Really. No. Please.

some thoughts about middle earth
  • elves and dwarves are so confused by men’s gendering?? in both elf and dwarf cultures your gender and physical sex is completely seperate, so when they see a human baby and the parents are like, “yep, this our son, he’s a boy,” the elves and dwarves are so confused?? becaue the child hasn’t gotten a chance to decide for themselves??
  • elf and dwarf children get to feel out different genders until they feel comfortable to call themselves that gender. even then, theyre free to change it later on if they want
  • (aragorn was raised as an elf and therefore also went through this process. he tried out being a girl for a few years, then agender, and eventually decided on calling himself a boy. elrond was super proud)
  • it’s easy to tell with dwarves, bc they have special braids/beads for their gender
  • elves generally ask each other if theyre unsure, bc theyre deathly afraid of making assumptions, since thats like a really big insult
  • elves and dwarves each have very distinct body shapes. its difficult to differentiate between a (physically) female or male dwarf and between a (physically) female or male elf, which is great bc it means the humans cant just assume their gender
  • they dont really gender jobs (eg the woman cant be a guard or the man cant be a cook) bc thats not how elf/dwarf gender works?? theyre like the epitome of gender equality
  • (so dis was actually before dain in succession to the throne of erebor, but she decided to let him rule bc she had just lost the last of her remaining family)
  • elves are usually pansexual
  • dwarves are usually demisexual
  • hobbits are a mix, generally bi or pan, and occasionally polyamorous (theyre very free with their love)
  • humans are the very old school race, heterosexuality is generally preferred bc you can have a baby (theyre still very “a Woman is a Woman and a Man is a Man”). if youre looking for a pretty bigoted race, this is it
  • race (ie the colour of your skin) is not a big thing?? i mean youve got halflings and orcs and talking ravens and shit walking around??
  •  the elves occasionally have this thing about heritage, but its still more about blood (like Noldor or Sinda or w/e) than physical attributes
  • that being said, most dwarves are def poc
  • i mean, they were created in the image of aule and dont even think about telling me he was white
  • also?? hobbits are a farming and gardening race?? they spend the whole day out in the sun, working?? they are not white fam
  • elrond is also not the straight-haired, pale bitch peter jackson showed us?? um dude he was related to like half of beleriand (part of middle earth that got flooded before lotr) and despite what peter jackson tells us, not every fucking elf and human is white jesus fucking christ
Fattening Up: Earth Is Space Australia/Humans Are Weird

I just had lunch, and was considering having a cookie or three, and the thought occurred–what if other species didn’t have a built-in nutrition-storage system? Suppose their bodies have just so much of a reserve of energy, and if they don’t have food stockpiled when lean times arrive, well…

Then they discover Earth, and the concept of “fat”. An automatic system that in times of plenty, stockpiles fuel right inside the body, placing it in predesignated locations. And not only is it a hedge against lean times, the “fat” provides padding, insulation, AND it’s a natural flotation aid! What miraculous stuff! What an ingenious system! What an elegant solution to the threat of starvation posed by the Death World’s constant environmental fluctuations!

Then the aliens learn about the Western world’s obsessions and phobias and general social neuroses about fat. No matter how hard they try, they can’t make sense of it. To them, the fat-storage system is a miracle of biology. Yet another wonderfully bizarre element of life on Earth. Which is a planet that seems to go out of its way to find creative ways to kill its inhabitants. Earth is home to the Geology of Mass Destruction, the Climates That Want You Dead, the Diseases From Hell, and All the Murder Beasts. Yet instead of addressing any of those threats, humans decide to devote massive amounts of time, money, and the efforts of thousands of our brilliant, creative, fantastically adaptable minds to…defeating one of our own survival mechanisms.

Does Not Compute!

I appreciate that climate change gets a lot of attention (possibly because it has the potential to have the highest economic costs if left unchecked) but it is my duty to remind everyone that the biggest threat to wildlife and ecosystems today is habitat loss. Not climate change. Not trophy hunting. Not even pollution–though a habitat can become so degraded from pollution that it becomes unusable.

The very best way to curb global destruction of habitat is to implement large-scale changes to our development patterns, energy production, and agricultural system. So be sure to support those efforts politically. You can also support sustainable, multi-use development in your communities(many municipalities talk about community-wide projects at city counsel meetings!). Live densely. Eat less meat. Call out self driving cars for the sprawl-supporting pact with satan that they are. Support public transportation! Don’t support sprawl and McMansions! Recognize that suburbia in general and lawns in particular are a facsimile of greenness that destroy actual usable habitat and replace it with sterile monocultures that require gallons of water, pesticides, and fertilizer to maintain. Stop using products with neonicotinoids altogether. Make your yard wildlife-friendly. Consider a brush pile. Keep your damn cats indoors. Plant native plants. Remove invasive plants. Maybe don’t freak out and call animal control every time you see a bat or snake or coyote in your neighborhood since they were literally there first and we’ve left them no place else to go. Watch out for herps crossing the roads in the breeding season, especially our salamanders. Plant a NATIVE tree. Support your local parks, forests, and waterways, big and small. 

I think that one of the funniest things about the “Earth is a death planet and human’s are space orcs” posts and stuff is that that’s literally a major plot point in Animorphs. Like, the aliens in the series frequently comment on how there is just an extremely excessive amount animals with unique ways to kill or maim you on the planet, and that humans, despite looking fragile and weak in comparison, are scary as shit because they’re stubborn and ruthless and refuse to stop even when any sane species would have given up ages ago. Like there are aliens described as “walking salad shooters” with bladed spikes shooting out all over their bodies, and then you find out that all of that is just so they can harvest tree bark to eat and a whole army of them can be disabled by a single skunk. It is described in loving detail all the different ways a house cat can fuck you up, and don’t even get me started on actual predators and the damage they can do when a ridiculous stubborn, reckless, and creative human brain is what’s controlling them. The alien invaders comment about how they’re going to have to basically kill off 90% of earths species once they win the war because the planet is so damn excessive about this whole ‘murder animals’ thing, and sometimes they’re even like “you know, in hindsight, this is not nearly as easy as we assumed it would be”

Today, my heart broke.

To celebrate earth day, I split my students into three groups: Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle.

Each group had to come up with examples for each. I was conferencing with the Reduce group. We were discussing reducing the amount of births… as in controlling how many children you have… not at all talking about killing humans who already exist.

One of them gets that lightbulb look on his face and says, “I know! We can reduce all the gay people from the earth.” He was 100% serious.

No matter how many times I told him that was absolutely NOT okay in any way, he kept trying to defend his position. No matter what I explained to him, he absolutely could not understand how killing off a mass of people because they’re gay would be absolutely atrocious. He was certain the world would be a better place without gay people.

Of all the confrontational conversations I’ve had with my students, that was absolutely the most terrifying, soul-crushing, and draining.

#happyearthday

Peridot is anything but common