killerman

Guys Who Have Been On The Bachelorette

*I’m guessing

  1. Chad 4
  2. Guy who wants “I Invented The Middle Part” on his tombstone
  3. Breg, whose job is to go into places and change their water cooler bottles effortlessly
  4. dude who has a daughter named Summer Friday
  5. A guy who says Is This Paleo more than anything else that could even be said in the English language 
  6. If you looked into Greg’s future, it would include murdering somebody with an axe
  7. This dude’s favorite phrase is “did you notice my pants? There are tiny sailboats on them”
  8. A man who absolutely cannot believe he is falling so fast for this girl
  9. We’ll call this man “tightly coiled spring, just waiting to beat somebody up at a sports bar”
  10. Brag just wants to talk about Shark Tank and how one time he had an idea for a football that had a stock ticker on it
  11. The Zodiac Killer
  12. Man who loves talking about how shoving himself into a small space between two bar seats just to talk to a woman who is so tired of this is his constitutional right
  13. Brag only puts Facebook photos up of selfies with his dog and they are always kissing and honestly, a huge part of me thinks it is kind of weird but I also feel like a jerk for feeling weird about it
  14. Dave thinks the Men’s Wearhouse guy is the same guy who does the Dos Equis commercials
  15. These guys have been trying to get these nicknames attached to them “Roundie” (cuz he always buys rounds) “Seaweed” (loves sushi) “11 Inches, Give or Take A Few”
  16. “I’ve never been in love, but seriously, look at my shirt, there are tiny steering wheels for boats on my shirt”
  17. “My favorite book is the Da Vinci Code, hands down”
  18. Greg thinks he’s actually kind of better looking than Matt Damon, and that no problem, if they switched bodies he could handle that lifestyle, no problem, and that Leo should have won an Oscar for Wolf but he wasn’t as good as Damon in Bourne
  19. Mark took one English class and learned about similes ONCE and now everything is “you’re like an ocean wave cuz you’re watery but unpredictable” and “you’re kind of like a blue button-down shirt because you’re comfortable and available” and “you’re kind of like the heart of the ocean cuz I’m gonna drop you once Bill Paxton turns his back for ONCE SECOND”
  20. Steakhouse Chad

dooptown  asked:

i had a dream last night that you were my game design professor but all you did was give all the students a copy of Illbleed and told us to play it for homework

That checks out. All these know-nothing kids coming into my class with dreams of their Minecrafts and their Day-Z’s dancing in their heads. Try playing a REAL video game. By next week I fully expect everyone here to know who Killerman is.

Office hours are just me rambling about how the Dreamcast should’ve won.