Hello! So first and foremost I wan to put out there how much I love Harry and his voice. Dear god it’s SO COOL and unique. I love how when he’s in good vocal health he has all these different textures to it- the gruffness of his chest voice, the purity of his falsetto, the power of his belt. When the studio version of SOTT came out I couldn’t sing his praises enough. His voice sounded SO HEALTHY. He was making such good choices!!! Everything was relaxed and well supported. He let the song build naturally. He MUST have gotten some solid vocal training over his break because that isn’t something that can just happen over night. I was very impressed and very proud. I was also a bit nervous to see if these changes would hold when he started performing live….and…..it looks like I had good reason to be nervous.
Here’s the thing. There are a few reasons I’m so hard on Harry in particular when it comes to poor technique. First, compared to the other guys, his technique is the only one that’s actually physically DAMAGING. Could the other guys benefit from proper training? Sure. Of course. Every singer can. Even those who have been singing for years still should train on a regular basis. But the other boys’ bad habits are just that- bad habits. They aren’t going to do long term damage, not the way Harry’s are. The second reason is BECAUSE I know he can do (AND HAS DONE!!!!!) so much better!! I know he’s CAPABLE of so much more and so yeah, I’m hard on him because of that. And finally, I know exactly what he’s doing physically and exactly what’s going through his mind because I have the same exact bad habits and I can see him using the same exact thought process as to why he slips into these again.
Harry is the Ultimate Performer. He wants nothing more than to put on a good show for everyone, even if that means sacrificing his own vocal health. Now, that’s isn’t a HUGE problem…until it KEEPS happening. Which is what happened with OTRA. And possibly might be happening now, although that remains to be seen. One performance of one song slips into an entire show of this slips into two shows of this slips into the entire tour and wham, you’ve got nodes. I think the biggest problem with Harry’s performance last night is he doesn’t trust the material or HIMSELF to sell it the way it is. He feels he needs to overcompensate and big Big and Bold right from the start and that song is not built to be sung that way. He started at a level that he couldn’t sustain throughout the entire thing and had nowhere to go. That’s when he ran into trouble.
As soon as he opened his mouth, I knew it wasn’t going to go well. Don’t get me wrong, he sounds fantastic in the beginning…but like I said, there was nothing for him to build upon because he already started it at too high a height. His voice sounded raspy to me too, raspier than usual. That can be caused by a few things- he could have been dehydrated (you can’t sing right if you don’t pee white!), he could have been tired (we know he’s a morning person and that show is pretty late for him), he could have strained his voice at the concert the night before, he could have over rehearsed, he could have smoked a bit. I don’t know what the cause was, but he didn’t start off the evening in the best vocal health, especially for a song that’s very difficult to sing. I also think he KNEW that so again, he tried to overcompensate for that by pushing.
There is so much tension throughout his whole body, particular his shoulders on up. I’m sure a lot of that is due to nerves. I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again: the SNL stage is one of the hardest venues for artists to play. There’s something particularly rough about it. He’s also always had problems tensing up his face when he sings, but it what was particularly striking to me was that he did it during the falsetto parts. That should have been EASY for him to sing. That’s something light and relaxed. Almost a break from the tension of the rest of the song…and yet he looks like he was in pain. Which makes me wonder if he WAS in pain. it’s hard to tell, but it almost seems like the second time he does it he pushes it more to a mix than a pure falsetto.
It’s notable to me how relaxed the second syllable of “bullets” around 2:44-2:48 is compared to the rest. THAT is what the whole thing should have sounded like. it’s relaxed and he’s got a great vibratto on it that comes straight from the diaphragm there- compare that to how tight “bullets” are the second time he sings it in that phrase at 2:58ish-3:04. Why did you change what you were doing, sir??? In fact, to me it seemed like he KNEW it sounded good the first time and did his cute li’l dance and then came back to it feeling like “yeah I got this…” and then tightened right back up again. because he didn’t trust himself.
Thennnnnn the bridge happens. And this is what i mean by he had nowhere to go. THIS should have been his first belt it out moment. but he pushed too hard too quickly and his voice just…wasn’t there. It was tired. The first scoop up to the first “we” was off key because of it and I think he knew it which made it even worse and MORE tense to the point where he just didn’t have the vocal agility to flip into his fasletto again for “learn”. And then we’ve got the “it’s just what we know” which was just a poor choice. I have a feeling he nailed that MULTIPLE times in rehearsals and mannnnn if he was in good vocal health how killer would that have sounded!??!!? But instead, we got what’s called harmonic distortion which is SUPER VERY YIKESY AND A BIG SIGN OF HOLYSHITYOU’REDOINGDAMAGE (i sincerely hope he has an appointment with an ENT this week and gets scoped to check that out). This was another instance of him trying to put on a great show and overcompensate for what he probably felt was lackluster vocals (which for the record WERE NOT THAT BAD. I’m picking it apart because…well, it’s what I do. and i don’t think I would have had too much of a problem if it weren’t for the super damaging choices he ended up making).
From there he’s thinking “Oh shit that was bad…I REALLY fucked up…better step up my game and make the end better!” and once again tries to overcompensate and push a voice that’s already been pushed to the brink. there just wasn’t more in there for it to give. He couldn’t sustain it. He had already given everything that there was go to give.
When it comes to ESNY, it was a much better performance. I think it’s partially due to the fact that it’s an easier song to sing and partially due to the fact that he was playing guitar so he wasn’t as much in his head (Side note: CAN YOU BELIEVE HE FINALLY BLESSED US WITH HIS GUITAR SKILLS?????). His belty part towards the end wasn’t as good as it could have been, but I think that’s just due to the fact that his voice was kinda shot and that’s the best it was going to be. It wasn’t TERRIBLE and obviously it could have been better, but I am curious to hear the studio version to see if there’s more belting that he just wasn’t comfortable with last night. I could have done without the facial affectations because it just adds more tension and tension is bad, kiddos But I think it’s a stylistic choice and I’m trying to pick my battles here. Additionally, as we’ve seen in gif form his li’l neck vein was popping out so yeah he was tensing up pretty good there…but again, it wasn’t as terrible as it could have been since the song itself isn’t as taxing vocally.
All in all, the performances were great, especially if you’re not as picky as I am. I know this was his first time singing live in well over a year and SNL is high stress and it’s his first time out there ALONE. I’m curious to see what happens on Graham Norton and if he improves his technique. I’m also really curious to see how he’ll be on tour as well. I do wonder if he’ll lower the key of SOTT so it’s not as taxing. No one would really notice and it would make things a little easier on him. It’s just frustrating because I know he has it in him to do it well. We’ve HEARD him do it well. But he just doesn’t trust himself enough to do that and that kind of breaks my heart a little. Thankfully, he’s young and has time to learn. He can still break these habits and make new, healthier ones and learn to trust himself more.
BUDDY. YOU GOT THIS. YOU HAVE AN AMAZING VOICE. YOU ARE A FANTASTIC SONGWRITER. YOU HAVE GREAT TECHNIQUE WHEN YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT. YOU ARE A KILLER SHOWMAN WITH A TON OF CHARISMA. PLEASE TRUST THESE THINGS AND STOP PUSHING YOURSELF BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU DAMAGE ANYTHING.
The president of the United States is seeking to slash 4000 jobs from the Environmental Protection Agency, and we’ve officially lost all fucking $28million worth of funding for Puget Sound’s restoration.
Puget Sound is one of the most polluted bodies of water in the United States, and the toxic waste that saturates our waterways puts environmental and human health alike in serious danger, especially low income and minority groups.
Not to mention, the increased tanker traffic will gravely impact the Southern Resident Orcas, which could soon face imminent extinction.
And because the EPA is an executive organization, he doesn’t need congress approval to do any of this.
Request: can you do a jug x reader where she’s from the south side and her whole family and friend group is super sketchy and involved with the serpents, and so she’s on betty and and jug’s suspect list? anyways so when he meets her he finds out she’s a literal sweetheart and he falls for her? thanks love
Word Count: 2,273
A/N: In case you need something to read before tonight’s episode cause things are about to get FUCKED. I also changed it a little, hope that’s okay!
So like, here’s the thing that’s FUCKING WILD about the new Death Note show.
They make Light white, which isn’t shocking. It’s still bad, but it isn’t shocking. Not at this point at least. Where this gets BAD is when you look at the other casting and you find that L is being played by a black actor named Lakeith Stanfield
The later half of the show is going to be all about the pastiest white guy you’ve ever seen in your life trying to kill a extremely smart black guy and actually succeeding.
Did like no one talk to the director at all about this? That maybe this would change the way we view the two warring moral grounds and make for a deeply uncomfortable commentary that is absolutely unintentional because it works directly against the moral dichotomy of the original series?
Also, on a different note, have they thought for even a second that having Light “““Turner’s”““ alias be “Kira” still loses all meaning to an american audiance that doesn’t catch onto the pun of Kira sounding like Killer and that kira-kira is the onomatopoeia for “sparkling” in japanese, used in part because of the name “Light”
The Killers sound is unique and I think Brandon Flowers is one of the best songwriters on the planet.
Tyler Joseph - Twenty One Pilots:
You know what, I want to be the next Brandon Flowers.
Always making Vegas proud.
Paul Banks - Interpol:
He's a great great singer.
Brandon Flowers of the Killers is really talented. Would love to work with him one day.
Hey Brandon Flowers ... I just wanted to say I'll buy and listen to anything you do.
Nick Petricca - Walk the Moon:
I had this strong sensation of like being at church and Brandon Flowers is like our direct connection to the lord. (...) We got to meet Brandon Flowers when we played a gig in Vegas. I got to talk to him and tell him that his band was the band that made me want to be in a band.
Tom Smith - Editors:
Such a soft spot for everything Brandon Flowers does.
Van McCann - Catfish and the Bottlemen:
Brandon Flowers sent me an email a while ago because we covered one of their songs in Australia and he said he liked the cover and I was just major buzzing off that. He’s inspired most of the songs in my head.
Dallon Weekes - Panic! At the Disco:
Idol? dont know. I def have people I admire. Brandon Flowers. Hes a musician/Mormon/family man and pulls it all off. I try to.
The Most Disturbing Things in John Winchester’s Journal: A Comprehensive Study.
@jaredsnuggles made a really incredible post about all mentions of the boys in John Winchester’s journal. It’s incredibly helpful for writing reference, and filled with genuinely heartwarming moments and an interesting glimpse into John’s POV.
But as someone who’s pretty infamously critical of John’s parenting skills, what I most noticed was the progressively disturbing way in which the boys were brought up, the responsibilities placed on them, and the way in may have impacted their psyches (performing!Dean, anyone?)
So let’s take a look at some of the most blatant examples of the Winchester’s upbringing that would have had the Child Protective Services knocking on most people’s doorsteps, and how it may have influenced the people they’ve become.
1. Encouraging violent, illegal, and womanizing behavior:
Dean turns fourteen today. He took off to the movies with a girlfriend. I think her name is Katie. Quite the ladykiller, that kid. Like I was at his age. Hell-raising, foul-mouthed, full of piss and vinegar. Silas had it right: he’s like me. If I’m not careful with him, by the time he’s twenty he’ll have left a trail of kids and arrest warrants all over the country.
For some reference, Dean was not “a lady killer” at that age. He was fourteen at the time, and didn’t even have his first kiss until he was at the boy’s home (where John dropped him) at age sixteen. At fourteen, he was still a child, having a presumably very chaste relationship with another child, seeing as it didn’t even involve the rudimentary making out.
Dean turns twenty-one today. I’d buy him a beer if I thought it would be something new. He’s also old enough to buy his own guns now. I tried to raise him right, and looks like I did. He’s a scam artist, a ladies’ man, and an absolutely loyal son. He knows what’s right and doesn’t hesitate to do it. I’m proud of him. Now that he’s hunting on his own I don’t see as much of him, but I know he’s out there. When I call him in on a job, he’s right there every time. I’ve spent the last sixteen years afraid that I was going to screw him up somehow. Maybe now I can forget about that.
This one is just messed up on multiple levels. For one thing, there’s a lot of talk about “performing!Dean” within the fandom, and it’s easy to see where that persona comes from: this, along with his ability to shoot, kill, and protect Sam, is one of the few times John expresses overt pride in Dean. Of course a child/young man struggling to garner his father’s affection and approval would adopt the most suitable persona possible to do so.
It’s my opinion that Dean, at his heart, isn’t a “scam artist” or a “ladies’ man:” he’s a homebody who loves to cook and clean and take care of people, with a lot of traditionally feminine characteristics. He can also be interpreted as having a lot of internalized same-sex attraction.
Would John have accepted that? From what I’ve seen, probably not. Performing!Dean is just the son John wanted.
I took the boys, said good-bye to Missouri, and got the hell out of Lawrence. If I never go back, it’ll be too soon. Not for Dean, though. The first thing he wanted to know was when we would go home. But we don’t have a home anymore, Dean. The sooner you get used to that, the better. We don’t have a home until we find what killed your mother.
The fact that it was hammered into Dean’s brain that they didn’t, and would not, have a home for the foreseeable future would have been a tremendous blow to a child’s psyche – particularly when it was just mentioned that he wasn’t speaking or leaving John or Sam’s side less than a month prior.
I’ll hunt, and the boys will hunt, and we will find whatever killed Mary and we will send it to Hell. And on the way, we will kill every monster and ghoul and ghost and demon and anything else. My boys will not grow up to experience what I have. They will not lose what I have lost.
As always, his intentions are clearly good here, but for some reference, this was 1983. The same year Mary died. Dean was four, Sam was an infant, and he’s already decided that they can and will hunt.
Took Dean shooting. If he’s big enough to try to comfort me, he’s big enough to start learning the tools of the trade. I only let him fire the .22, but he is a deadeye marksman. My drill sergeant would have taken him over me in a second. Times like this, I sure am proud of my boy. I have a feeling it’ll be different with Sammy. Maybe he’s just too young to show it, but I don’t think he’s got the same kind of killer instinct.
There are two disturbing things going on here: Dean is being taught to kill at age six, and John’s reasoning is the fact that because he’s old enough to serve as emotional provider for a fully grown man, he should be able to. And also, there’s something about a six-year-old having a “killer instinct” that just sounds incongruous to me.
This is also one of the few times he expresses genuine pride in Dean.
For his seventh birthday, I took Dean shooting again. He wanted to fire one of the big guns—that’s what he called them. I let him shoot the Browning, but I steadied his hands. Sammy wanted me to help him make Dean a card. It was like a normal day, like we were a normal family with a mom who was off shopping or at work or something. Instead of dead. That illusion never lasts. I can’t afford to let it.
Sammy is five today. Thank God. He almost didn’t make it. I could blame Dean, but it’s my fault. There’s enough blame to go around. I missed the kill, and I left Dean watching Sam, and he couldn’t pull the trigger when he needed to. I haven’t taught him well enough. If he is weak like that again, my boys will die.
The fact that he’s blaming his nine-year-old son for his inability to kill, subconsciously or otherwise, in addition to putting a nine-year-old in a situation where he’d need to kill, is disconcerting to say the least.
Last night, Sammy woke up in the middle of the night telling me he was afraid of the thing in the closet. I went and looked. There was nothing in the closet, but I’ve seen too much not to believe that there could be. So I handed Sammy the .45 and told him the next time he saw the thing in the closet, he knew what to do. I don’t think I’ll win any awards from parenting organizations, but five nights running now Sammy has slept without nightmares. Sometimes a .45 under your pillow is all you need.
Sammy is sixteen years old today. God knows he’s got plenty of torments. Now he’s got a driver’s license, too. Doesn’t make much difference. He’s known how to drive since he was nine.
Mary, you know I would never leave the boys with strangers I couldn’t trust. You know that, right? I never would.
The fact that he is apparently leaving them with strangers, regardless of whether or not they’re “trustworthy,” when at this point they are still toddlers, is by definition neglectful behavior.
4. Paranoia/controlling behavior:
Dean turns five today. I was thinking about where we’re going to be in the fall, because he should start school. Then I realized that I can’t leave him in a school. Anything could happen. Maybe a place that has half-day kindergarten. Maybe that I could do. I know I should. I know he should be able to run around with other kids, who don’t know how to fileld-strip the Browning. Well, Dean doesn’t either, yet. But he’s learning. He’s got a talent for guns. I can see it already. And he’ll need it.
I was a homeschooled kid myself, but the fact that John kept Dean isolated and out of academic environments in order to protect him strikes me as paranoid and controlling, as well as bad for Dean’s psyche.
He’s also been using guns at around five years old. I’m not even against guns, but that’s just messed up.
Dean turns twenty today. He’s in Ohio somewhere, hasn’t called in a couple of days. Tracking a possible poltergeist. He’s supposed to call in every night. Mission discipline is critical.
Sammy is eighteen years old today. Surprised he didn’t take off. We’re not getting along too well. He hunts when we need him to, but he’s never committed himself the way Dean did. Dean’s never known any other way to live, or if he has, he doesn’t act like it. He’s playing the role he was born to play. Sammy’s the younger brother. He doesn’t know what his role is, even though I can tell him until I’m blue in the face and we’re both ready to kill each other. He’s got one more year of school and then I’m drafting him full-time into the family business. I’ve given him more slack than I ever gave Dean, more than I would have ever gotten from my dad. He needed it. Now he’s a grown man, or almost. Time for him to step into what’s expected of him. Dean never even thought about college. We used to joke about it once in a while. But Sammy still believes he can have a normal life, but they’re both more useful to the world as hunters than … what, lawyers? Dentists? Sammy’s convinced himself that smart kids have to go to college. Part of my job is to convince him that college would be a waste of his smarts. And I gotta hand it to him on the brains front: there’s nothing he can’t find on the computer. I still dig around in actual books, libraries, newspapers. It’s all keystrokes and search words for Sammy. He’s done a good job hiding our trail on all the credit cards.
John never leaves an option for Sam or Dean to be anything other than “what’s expected of them.” He never asks them what they want to do with their life, or considers their opinions valid.
This is one of the later entries, so it’s clear John has had a long time to settle himself into his extremist way of thinking, but it’s still disturbing and sad.
Sam graduated. He didn’t go to the ceremony. I think he’s still carrying a grudge that it took him an extra year. What do you want me to do, Sammy? Should we have stayed in Lawrence while whatever killed your mother came back for you? Should we have sat around fat, dumb, and happy even though war had been declared? How long would we have lasted that way?
Sam left. I told him that if he was going, it was permanent. I meant it.
Dean turns twenty-four today. I was twenty-four when I married his mother. Sorry, kid. Every boy has to cut the apron strings sometime, and for you it’s not going to be until we kill off a supernatural entity that seriously needs killing. Then we’ll all be free of your mother’s ghost. We’ll be able to live normal lives. But maybe not. Maybe we’ve all been hunters too long now.
It’s clear that John didn’t consider his children autonomous adults, and expected them to blindly obey his authority. He also considers them complicit in his “war,” even though they were both very small children at the time.
In closing, it’s clear from the other entries that John loves his boys. But as I’ve pointed out before, you can love someone and still be thoroughly toxic, abusive, and bad for them. John’s parenting and projection onto Dean is probably the reason why he’s so uncomfortable with his own femininity (and ~possible~ bisexuality), and why he feels so continuously obligated to prove himself as a Scam Artist and Ladies’ Man™.
Even Sam, heartbreakingly, has finally internalized the message that he can never be anything other than a hunter, when he clearly at one point wanted to do otherwise.
So while John could, and did, have a lot of redeeming qualities, and wound up sacrificing himself for his son’s benefit, I hope this will lay to rest the debate about whether or not he was a good father.