kill me now hahaha

anonymous asked:

i've had to face racists at least 10 times today. it was my first day at my new school which is a christian high school and everything makes me want to kill myself right now hahaha

i’m sorry, darling. i’m so sorry. just know that you are so much better than these hateful, spiteful, nasty people. they’ve got nothing but ice and malice in their heart and you shouldn’t let them tear you down like this. i know it’s hard and it makes you wanna fight (i’ve been there, still experience it at work sometimes) and it’s just… not fair. it’s not fair that they think they can make us feel like trash for the color of our skin when like.. we’re some of the best people on this planet. being a poc is an amazing, unique experience, so please don’t let any uncultured unseasoned no rhythm having musty ass piece of shit white devil make you feel any differently. i love you and i will always be here for you, i mean it.

“average ego murders 3 people per year” factoid actually just statistical error. average ego kills 0 people per year. Antisepticeye, who lives in Jack’s videos and kills over 16 million people per day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

  • my gf: babe, what are you thinking about?
  • me:
  • me, mentally: only thing you had on me was i got sloppy seconds, but wait a second, didn't you mention? ten bars later there was a girl you banged after tobi, that taught you a lesson. it's mad! another girl that you tricked to your pad. promising fans but if they don't bang then you send them away all sad. it's mad! now onto another, your best friend is probably your mother. seen your dad's dick, you make me feel sick, and didn't you shower with your brother? (he did!) talk about j as a master, but he's not the one that i'm after, tweet about us on life support? bro that shit almost killed me with laughter (hahaha) two weeks, twelve vids, now which one has had the most hits? it's not the one where you sold out jj, it was the sidemen diss. now i think it's time that we switch up the scene picture deji olatunji and a drugged-up teen now some of your fans might now what i mean if i said that he met her in bethnel green and how many times did she scream "help me"? your hairline is fucked, you look like et, the last time you almost died like this ... was the time you crashed your tt. this beef was between me and you, but you wanted a few more views. 'i wonder what i could do, maybe diss the rest of the sidemen too'? notice how no one else has replied, tobi didn't pick a side, the others went for the more relevant bro, i guess you could say bigger fish got fried. pathetic! bro you just don't get it. comin at me and the rest of the guys, you were always bound to regret it. shouldn't it be your dad that i diss? (jide!) i mean your channel is pretty much his and bro, i just gotta ask are they your vids or your dad's vids? (oh man, oh man) now usually i'm benevolent but you were hella bent on gettin relevant so you went and sent 'cause we're all prevalent, do you know what that meant? (idiot) deep this, you're facetious, i'll leave you speechless, i know your secrets, you need jesus, i know your weakness, bitch i'm a genius. i used to go to his house, not once was the little bitch out (never!) sat next to him for four minutes, and suddenly this weirdo's aroused! (what the fuck?) says he's got loads of friends (liar!) but that there filled me with doubt (liar!) twenty-one years ago, i wish his dad pulled out!
"You can't just sit there all day."  (a Walking Dead One Shot, Caryl + Sophia).

Obviously AU.

Just a little Daddy Daryl sweetness for you (and for me, hahaha) before you go to bed.  Daryl comforts Sophia.  That’s it.  That’s all you’re getting, lol.

Could be set in the same universe as “I’m dying."  Doesn’t have to be.  You decide.     

Enjoy. 

“You can’t just sit there all day.  Been a couple of days now.” 

 

Tucking her pink nose between her updrawn knees, Sophia gazed up at him with tear-swollen, blood shot eyes.

 

She looked so sad and so pitiful, pale beneath her freckles, that Daryl felt his resolve start to crack, but a throat clearing quietly in the hallway outside the kid’s bedroom had him squaring his shoulders and trying again.  “C’mon,” he encouraged gruffly.  “Ain’t doin’ yourself no good holin’ up in here.” 

 

Fingers toying anxiously with the hems of her pajama pants, the preteen shook her head and mumbled a refusal, her frayed pigtails putting an exclamation point on the whole matter.  “I don’t want to.” 

 

He sighed.  “Know you don’t.”   His hand hovered in the air for several indecisive seconds before he gently cupped her head, the rough callouses catching in the silky softness of her hair.  “Know you don’t,” he repeated.  “But we all do things we don’t want to sometimes.”  

 

Unconsciously leaning into his touch, Sophia sniffled in answer.  Her eyes gravitated to her open laptop and her chin wobbled again.  “It’s not fair.” 

 

“Life ain’t fair, Sweetheart,” Daryl told her.  “Never has been.  Don’t mean we give up and stop tryin’.”

 

With another look at the wallpaper on her computer and the image of the young man smiling there, she gave him a brave if watery smile.  “He wouldn’t want that.” 

 

“He wouldn’t,” he somberly agreed.  His hand slid down to cup her smooth cheek, his blunt thumb catching the shiny tear that escaped despite her best efforts.  “He was a pretty good guy.” 

 

Sophia’s nostrils flared as she fought to control her emotions.  In the end, she surprised them both by launching herself into his startled embrace, her skinny arms winding tight around his waist and her tears soaking into his gray shirt.  “…the best.”   

 

Her words were muffled against the fabric but Daryl caught enough.  Dropping an awkward kiss to the top of her hair, he took a step back and stared down into her upturned, trusting face.  “Got some of that Rocky Road ice cream you like.  S’in the kitchen.  You give your mama one of them hugs like you just gave me, know for a fact she won’t say nothin’ ‘bout you ruinin’ your appetite for supper.” 

 

Sophia gave his waist one more lingering squeeze.  “I’m so glad you married us, Daryl.” 

 

Choked up as he caught his wife’s touched, teary blue gaze in his periphery, he could only nod and offer up a gruff “Me, too.”  When the kid excused herself to go wash her face and change into some fresh, clean clothes, he turned to the doorway.  “Can come on in, you know.  Thinkin’ it’s safe.” 

 

Sheepishly, Carol stepped over the threshold and let her shoulder lean against the wall.  She eyed him with pride, her lips curling into a soft, loving smile.  “I’d say you handled that pretty well.  Better than me even.” 

 

He shook his head in disbelief but a small part of him was pretty pleased with himself so he didn’t protest further, just welcomed her as she walked into his waiting arms and pressed a sweet kiss to the well of his throat.  “Don’t want her watchin’ that show no more.  All it does is disappoint her.” 

 

“Me, neither,” she agreed, standing on tiptoe to feather another kiss to his stubbled cheek.  “He really was one of the best characters.  A cinnamon roll too precious for this world.  Definitely crush-worthy.  I still can’t believe they killed him off.  It really killed the heart of the show.” 

 

Daryl snorted into the kiss she attempted to give him on the mouth.  “Stahp.  Cinnamon roll?  Please.” 

 

Carol grinned at him, tugging him down to kiss him soundly on his smirking lips before revealing, “Sophia thinks you’re a cinnamon roll.” 

 

“She does?” 

Monsters

Another submission! Hiii Raven! I re read the whole Tickle Monster thing and thought I should write it, as I just reeeaallly like the idea.
Hope you like it!

Prompt: Jack targets Mark in Dead By Daylight, and manages to kill him early in the game. Little does he know, he’s created a monster out of him by doing so.


Jack cackled close to the mic, the others groaning and chuckling nervously.

“Jack, whatcha ya doooin?” Bob asked, hiding his uneasiness in a playfully chipper voice.

“I’m invisible! Aaand Stalking someooone. And It Could Be Any Of You.”
Jack growled. He smiled as the others murmured in slight fear.

“I bet it’s me.” Mark chimed, “He can’t resist taking a sneak peak at my hot ass!”

The others laughed, Jack pouting at Mark ruining the tension. Ding Ding!

“AH OH FUCK”

Jack laughed manically as Mark’s character began running away, upon quick realisation he was right. SLASH! Mark yelled again as his poor character got smashed, jumping through a window quickly.

“Get back here Markipoooo, I ain’t finished with ya!”

Wade chuckled, “Keep distracting him with your ass! me and Bob will deal with the generators!”

“Shut it Wade! AH!”

Mark hastily changed direction as Jack came storming around a corner, narrowly missing a hit.

“GIMME THAT SWEET ARSE MARK!”

“NOOO YOUCAN'THANDLEIT”

“I’LL HANDLE IT BETTER THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE HEHEHE”

“NOTHANKYOU”

Wade and Bob laughed at the somewhat violent flirtation, one accidently exploding a generator while doing so. Mark jumped through another window, pretending to go one way then quickly swapping direction when seeing Jack go the same way. He hobbled to a closet, hiding just before Jack passed through.

“Where oh where has that delicious boo-tay gone?”

Mark laughed, mostly out of nerves.
“You’ll never catch me now! I’m completely gone! Ran right out of that place!”

“Oh really? So, you aren’t crying somewhere?”

Mark’s heart skipped a beat- he forgot injured people sobbed in closets. He watched, helpless, as Jack opened the door to his hiding spot.

“Time to come out the closet Mark! We knew you were gay as fuck anyway!”

“NOOO! Why do you target me you potato bastard?!”

“Because he wants that ass, Mark, I’d think you’d know by now.”

“You’re not helping, BOB!”

Unknown to Mark, Bob had actually helped. While trying to find something witty to say in the conversation, Jack walked the killer right into a tree. This gave Mark just enough time to wiggle free before being set on a hook. Mark set to running for cover, hollering in temporary triumph. Jack howled out in frustration, resetting his sights on catching his boyfriend once more.

“Oooh, this ass too good for yooou!”

“I WILL have that arse! Your glorious arse is mine, I won’t rest til I have it!”

“Haha, I can see Mark running away from Jack! Bob get off the generator and look at them!”

“No! Wade! Get ON the generator and hurry up! If I die and you both don’t escape I’m blaming Jack AND you!”

“I can live with that- Wait don’t come this way!”

“Hurry up with the generator, Wade, or Jack might come after your ass!”

“Nah, I’m getting a perfect view of my fave ass from chasing yooou, Mark.”

“Stop Targetting Me!!”

“Why would I do that if it’s irritating you~?”

“That’s a good poin-”

“SHUT UP WADE”

Mark ran through the area Bob and Wade resided in. Bob got off the generator and run by Wade’s side, but despite the easy pickings they could have been, Jack carried on charging towards Mark, slowly gaining on him.

“OH COME ON! You could have got them, this is so unfa- NOOOOOOO!!”

Jack laughed as he hit him, picking up the fallen body to put on a hook.

“Swiggit swooty, I got the boo-tay!”

“NooooooOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOO!”

Mark raged, the violent tapping on his keyboard proving his anger true. Even more unfortunately for Mark, a hook hung nearby and he was quickly stabbed through one, ready for in-game sacrifice.

“Waaade! Boooob! Heeeelpp!!!”

“No one can save you! Now I can finally get a piece of dat ass!”

“Oh my god Stop.”

“You’re the one who said you had a nice ass in the first place!”

“Correction, I said Hot ass. HOT. And I didn’t hear aaaanyone disagree so. There.”

“Ok sure but lemme watch you struggle.”

The long spider legs generated forth, Mark groaning in frustration as he started to mash the keyboard once more.

“Help!”

“Boy we wish we could but it seems your ever so loyal boyfriend won’t leave your side.

“Uuugh! Jack! Go away, stop camping, that’s lame!”

“Yeah, it is, but it’s annoying you so guess what I’m gonna do.”

“Go away?”

“Nope!”

“Dammit! DAMMIT!”

Mark pushed himself away from the computer, throwing his hands up in the air to show how done he was.

“Mwah hahahaha! One down, two to go!”

“Well, we have three to go generator wise so good luck with that!”
Wade interjected. Mark scoffed in reply.
“so you only got two during all that? Really? I think you and Bob are the ones who needs luck right now.”

“Hahaha! You can’t stop me! I’ll kill you all!”

Jack cackled manically, setting out to look for his next victim.

“You monster!” Bob gasped dramatically.

Mark’s sat up straight. Monster.

“BOB REPEAT THAT!”

“… You monster?”

“Brilliant! Bob you’re brilliant!”

“Oh well thank you.”

“Why is Bob brilliant?“ A confused Wade questioned, “Did he find another generator?”

“No, he has given me an idea!”

“Mark with an idea? That dangerous!” Jack snickered.

“You’ll regret that! Just like you’ll regret killing me!”

“I’m confused, how are you supposed to help us when you’re dead?”

Mark leaned into the mic dramatically. “You’ll see.” and with that, he left his room.

There was a moment of silence among the others. Then…

“Heya Wade, is that you?”

“OH FUCK NO JEEZ NO”

Mark creeped down the hall, peering into Jack’s room. He had his eyes glued to the screen, a shit-eating grin on his face. Mark crept forward, hand curled like claws, teeth flashing in a dangerous grin. He was nearly upon Jack.

“AHA!”

Mark froze, fearing Jack had seen his in the camera.

“Oh, Wade, I have the prettiest hook friend, they’d love to meet you!”

Phew. Mark took one last step forward hands at the ready to strike, waiting for the perfect moment. He watched Jack hook Wade, noticing Bob in the background, unnoticed by the Irish who had his sights on smacking Wade.

“Haha, got another! Hey Maaark, did ya see that?”

“Oh, I saw.”

Jack gasped, but before he could turn around Mark dug their hand into his sides. Jack let out an ear-ringing shriek, dissolving into panicked cackling. His hands left the keyboard, shooting to Mark’s arms in a futile attempt to pull them off. Mark called out.

“Bob, quick, get Wade off the hook! This monster is being held hostage by an even more horrifying monsteerr! The Tickle Monster~!”

From the headphones, knocked to Jack’s (Slighty pinker than usual) neck, Mark heard Bob laughing and saw him running to Wade’s aid on screen. Mark smiled. This was pretty funny; Mark was getting revenge in a very petty and ironic manner.

“MAHAHARK GEHET OFF YOHOU FOOHOOKIN DIHICK-”

“I thought I was an ass! A fine ass!”

“YOU’RE A DIHIHICK WITH AHAHA FINE AHAHASS! Gehehet it rihight!!”

“Well you’re an ass with a fine-eeeh I won’t go on.”

He winked at the camera, hand moving to Jack’s tummy. Jack let out a yelp, kicking out on instinct and eyes shutting tight as he laughed louder and more hysterically. Mark smiled, drilling his thumbs along the bottom of Jack’s ribs while scratching ruthlessly at his poor tum. Too quiet for the camera, he murmured into Jack’s ear.

“The tickle monster says if you stop being such a rude, mean monster to our friends he’ll stooop~”

He chuckled softly as he watched Jack’s face erupt in dark blush. His one true weakness, the tickle monster. He’s so cute.

“IMNOHOTCUTE”

Whoops. Look like he said it out loud. Eh, more fuel for those shippers. He went back to a whisper.

"Let us win, it’s the least you could do for your dear strong boy… The tickle monster~”

“Shuhuhut uhuhup!”

“Ah, I see, you want me to use my voice for something else~”

“E-eh??”

Mark giggled, leaning down and settling a kiss to Jack’s neck. Then another. And another, and another and another and another. Jack leaned away, dissolving into giggles. His gentle giggling quickly went hysterical as Mark started kneading his hips, the merciless bastard. Jack wiggled his hips, throwing his head back as he succumbed to the tickling.
Mark huffed a chuckle, knowing how much Jack was enjoying himself. The adorable irish mess loved a little laughter. And a lot of laugher. Mark glanced at the computer screen. While Wade and Bob had taken the chance to heal and do all the generators, they had obviously gotten bored and started dancing around the motionless brute that had previously hooked Mark to death. Mark huffed at them.

“Bob, Wade, stop trying to sacrifice Jack and get out of there!”

Jack opened an eye, realising the situation. Without thinking he lurched forward, tapping the necessary buttons. The monster onscreen hit Bob, Who yelled in surprise and took to running away. Jack reached forward, trying to retake control over the game, but Mark pulled him back, hands digging into his right side.

“AAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!”

“OH RIP HEADPHONE USERS”

“I’ve been deafened, now I’ll need to learn sign language, thanks Jack.”

Jack took no notice of the small voices coming out of his headphones. They were drowned out by his hysterical laughter anyway. He was in ticklish agony. His whole body buzzed as Mark’s skilled fingers drilled into his side, and the fact Mark was blowing noisy raspberries into his neck was no help. The sheer intensity of the tickling was enough to drive Jack insane. He desperately pushed at the strong arms incasing him, but they would not budge. He thrashed and kicked but Mark wouldn’t move.
The chair did though.
CRASH!!

“Oh god, they died didn’t they.”

“Well Bob, at least we won the game.”

“Eh, without a monster chasing us it loses purpose. Hearing Jack being tortured was pretty funny though.”

“Too bad they died.”

Mark got up, hand on the mic. Giggles could still be heard, but they were quietened by the exhaustion after a tickle attack.

“We’re fine! No one died.”

“Sometimes I can still hear Mark’s voice.”

“Woow Bob. I’m not dead. Jack toppled the chair trying to escape my clutches.”

“You mean the Tickle Monster’s clutches! Of all things to fear, Jack, of all things to fear.”

“Wade, you can’t say much, you were begging me to stop when I got you in the Don’t Laugh challenge.”

“I no longer judge you, Jack, I no longer judge you.”

Mark chuckled, then helped a smiling, wary Jack up.

“I fooking hate ya.”

“You love my sweet ass though, right?”

“That’s the only redeeming quality about you, I swear.”

“Well your redeeming quality is how sensitive you are~ And how red your face gets when that’s pointed out… And your adorable need to hide your fac-”

“YES! OK! We get it, you’re an absolute douchebag! You can stop now.”

“Yes, but it annoys you so guess what I’m gonna do?”
Mark’s mocking voice and shit eating grin was the last straw for Jack.

“Take a fooking BAYTIN!!”

With that, Jack leaped at Mark, the shocked, darked haired man yelling out before breaking out in deep, melodious laughter, Bob and Wade groaning and deciding amongst themselves to cut the video short. The two dorks forgot about the game, wrapped up in each other as they playfully fought, not aware and not worried of the still recording camera. Mark was right, plenty of fuel for the shippers.

@swggity-switty-gimme-that-kitty

Happy Birthday to this cutie, Ojiro!!! He is one of the 362548623 children I adopted in BnHA, hahaha… This manga is killing me (and now that I’m up to date with it, the waiting is a NIGHTMARE)…

remember that punk!percy fic I used to talk about?

Well, it’s like 32k now, and I’m not sure where I’m going with it. Here’s you guys a (short) sneak peek though bc I’m super bored and should be working on WSATE (by the way, who’s excited for this week’s chapter besides me??).

“What if they don’t want me here?” Annabeth asked.

Percy sighed as he pulled into the driveway and parked behind two more cars. When he cut the car off, he turned toward her and stared.

“What?” She asked when he remained quiet.

“If they don’t want you here then we will leave,” he said simply, getting out of the car before she could argue with him. She jumped out of the car and jogged to catch up to him.

Keep reading

Eric: “Why are you slouching?”

[Y/N]: “…”

Eric: “…Sit up straighter.”

[Y/N]: “Hn.”

Eric: “…Do I hear the faint sounds of back talk?”

[Y/N]: “…Maybe.”

Eric: “Oh? Don’t make me have to punish you…”

[Y/N]: “Whatever…”

Eric: “You saying I’m bluffing?” 

[Y/N]: “…”

Eric: “That’s what I thought.”

[Y/N]: “…”

Eric: “Since you had attitude with me, you get to clean up after training today.”

[Y/N]: “DAD!!!!- No! I mean-”

Eric: “What did you just call me?”

[Y/N]: “NOTHING!”

Eric: “You called me dad.”

[Y/N]: “No I didn’t.”

Eric: “Didn’t know you thought about me like that~”

[Y/N]: “Just. Kill me. Kill me now.”

Eric: “Hahaha. Not a chance. You’ll never live this one down [Y/N].”

5

Part 1.

(What do you mean im procrastinating no im not)