This honestly hasn’t been the first time someone has told me that I’m too nice, or that I have weak defenses. And I have to say, had you known me, eh, three years ago I’m sure I remember getting into many fights (verbal, ofc) but the thing is… I just got really tired of yelling sense into people who wouldn’t listen anyways and just… yeah. I don’t want to scream at people anymore when it can be avoided. Oh yeah, there were also those times where I wished to be violent, where I seriously wanted to physically hurt others in ways worse than I myself had been hurt. Especially my mom like wow. It’s a place and time I never want to go back to, and I never actually got to hurt anyone either because every time I’d become all hypersensitive about the other person’s feelings. Surely they would feel the same as I felt: hurt, shocked, betrayed. It’s pretty sappy but I never wish for people to feel those feelings and I sure don’t now.
But yes, there are times when I remember how to hurt people, when I’ve hurt people, and now I think that you’re right, when you say it’s hard for me to be anything but friendly. It really is, haha.