kids say weird shit

Everything’s better a little weird. It’s spice for life.
— 

Luke, age 12, in a conversation that went something like this:

Luke: “There’s different zones on the bus.”

Me: “Zones?”

Luke: “Yeah. Cool kids sit in the back. Smart kids sit in the middle. Weird and stinky kids sit in the front.”

Me: “Where do you sit?”

Luke: “I’m in the front.”

Me: “You’re weird and stinky?”

Luke: “Actually I kinda sit between the front and the middle. I’m weird and stinky and smart.”

Me: “We could do without the stinky part. But weird’s OK.”

Luke: “Everything’s better a little weird. It’s spice for life.”

Exo reaction when their kids say something creepy

Sehun: I was into some weird shit when I was little also

Kai:*still trying to process what his kid said*

Tao: He is so adorable when he tries to look serious 

Kyungsoo: What did my baby just say?

Chanyeol:*fake laughter* He is just kidding, don’t mind him. That was really funny kido, very funny, I can’t stop laughing

Chen: This is what I get if I let her play with kyungsoo’s kid to often

Baekhyun: Okay…I wasn’t the only one that found that creepy right?

Lay: Baby stop saying that cause that’s scary and you are scaring daddy so stop saying it

Suho: Where did you hear that?

Kris: Did your mom make you say this to me?

Luhan: Okay I will let your mom to deal with this

Xiumin: That’s funny kido *whisper to his wife* He lost it, don’t let him near luhan or kyungsoo

I curse thy curse

Cursing has been a big topic lately I’m told on the Facebook Twitter front but what about MySpace. No one ever gives those guys the love they deserve. Ha. I’m just kidding. Is MySpace still a thing?
Anyway I curse, swear, say weird bad shit sometimes. It’s not because I want to or I’m a bad guy. It’s that it’s part of the thing I am. I’ve been cursing and being called out on it since I am was a child. It’s who I am. It’s all I got. So if you aren’t into it, unfollowing and unliking is definitely the right choice.
I wish I was smart enough to avoid cursing but I’m not. I’m a fucking dolt and that’s what ya get when that’s what ya are.
So there I addressed it.
Truth is if you’re really afraid of curse words you’re probably in a lot more trouble in life than you’re able to even admit. Words can’t do a thing to you. Only YOU can. Good luck. Sorry. I mean…good FUCKING luck😁

Pat

Simon Imagine: making fun of your height

Requested by

“REF COME ON” I scream at the screen angry. Stupid game never gijves me my penalties. I launch my controller at the walk and it bounces back landing on my foot. “OWWW FOR FUCKS SAKE” I scream again kicking the controller. I slumo down onto the sofa next to JJ who I was playing with. I can see him wanting to laugh. When I look over at him it bursts out laughing setting the whole room off.

“Esther…Your rages.. Are amazing” Ethan cackles out. I flip him off, annoyed.

“You can’t help being shit a FIFA, don’t blame the ref” Josh says. I give him the evils before charging at him. Simon stops me grabbing me around the waist. He pulls me into him.

“Calm down” he tells me his arms loosly around me. “And that was my controller that you just broke” he tells me.

“Sorry” I apologise, wrapping my arms around him. “I’m not playing FIFA ever again on Xbox its shit” I complain.

“A bad workman blames his tools” Vikk pipes up with a laugh.

“I’m going to murder you Vikram” I threaten. He throws up his hands in defense. “I want juice” I announce leaving Simon and walking to the kitchen, flicking Josh in the head as I leave. I go to the fridge and find a bottle of orange juice I grab it and move to the cupboard for a cup. I open it to see the clean cups on the top shelf.

For fucks sake I think to myself, getting on my tip toes I reach up. Why make cupboards so high, I am 5'6 I’m average height and I can’t reach this shit. Even on my tiptoes I’m a mile off. Having no motivation to climb onto the worktop I shout for Simon. “SIMON COME HERE” a few moments later he’s at the door.

“Get me a cup” I tell him stepping back.

“What’s the magic word?” He asks coming towards me.

“Didn’t you hear it? I said Get me a cup” I throw back. Smirking he hold his ear waiting.

“Simoooon pleaaaasee you get me a cuuup” I whine. Patting my head he reaches up with ease grabbing me a cup. I snatch it pouring my juice.

“Okay tiny if you need anymore help I’m here” he tells me in his stupid elderly voice. I nd my head drinking my juice. Finishing it off I turn back to Simon.

“I’m not short, you guys have stupidly tall cupboards and stop pattiong my head” I correct him, wrapping my arms around his torso.

“Sure we do” he says in a sarcastic voice, running his hands through my hair. I lightly slap his lower back. “You are a mean elf, Santa won’t be happy” he giggles out.

“If Chris is Santa I’m pretty sure he’ll be happy with me” I say smirking up at him. Simons mind flips back to the video he did with Chris at Tobis flat where Chris was flirting with me the whole time. He does his fake laugh before leaving me in the kitchen and walking away. I grab his hand and follow him back into the living room. He takes a seat on the sofa, speaking his legs so I can’t sit down next to him. I nudge his leg but he ignores me his eyes on the screen.

“Simon, Simon Simon” I chant his name over and over but he doesn’t move.I let go of his arm and go the the other sofa which is also full but sit on Harry’s lap. He looks up from his phone as it do. “Don’t worry he won’t do anything” I assure him and he goes back to texting.

“Who you texting?” I ask Harry, turning around so I’m facing him, I cross my legs on his lap.

“Katie” he replies showing me his phone. I read the messgaes.

“You two are weirdos” I tell him as I rea through the messages.“and why are you walking about me?” I ask grabbing his phone. “Seriously do I look like a double d?” I ask Harry, questioning his texts. Simons head snaps towards us as he watches us.

“Well Cs fit into my hand perfectly and yours look bigger” Harry jokes.

“Try and see” I joke back, keeping my eye on Simon. The rest of the guys know we are winding him up so carry on with what they are doing. Harry slowly brings his hand up nto my boob at which point Simon pipes up.

“Oi Esther come sit here next to me” He tells me with a smile. I get up off of Harry and go sit next to him. “Your tiny elf butt fits perfectly” he says putting his arm around me. I stare at him eiuth a blank face.

“I’m not that short” I say shoving him In the side. “Behz am I short?” I ask Ethan turning around. He shakes his head.

“No your normal height” he defends me.

“Ethan is short too so it doesn’t work well” Simon says annoying me further.

“Oi fuck off” Ethan says pushing Simons head.

“To be honest I’d rather be short that a fucking weird skinny lanky kid that sticks out like a sore thumb. Especially a weird lanky kid with shit hair” I say with a flick of my hair. The room goes quiet thinking we are going to start arguing. Simon nods his head.

“Fair do’s but you just admitted to being short” he celebrates with a stupid little dance. Giving up I join in on everyone else’s laughing.

“You are a pain in the arse” I tell him leaning into his side.

“I know” he replies kissing my forehead. “ I love you my little elf” he whispers against my hair.

“I love you too skinny lanky weirdo” I tell him kissing his shoulder.

“ you forgot the shit hair” he adds with a laugh. I shake my head thinking about what I got myself into when I agreed to date him.

“My weirdo” I whisper linking our pinkies. “Forever and always”

******

Hope you enjoyed. I fyou want one feel free to messgae me.

-…xxx