kids of the blackhole

Not that I’d probably end up writing all the way to sequel trilogy in Imperial Problem Child, but if I did, I do know this much:

1. If there must be a Snoke, I shall insist that he secretly be Blackhole, ex-Emperor’s Hand. Partly because that makes sense to me and partly because the one Star Wars comic my library had when I was a kid featured him as the villain. Blackhole and Thrawn were my first real Star Wars villains, not counting Darth Vader because I didn’t find him scary until Rogue One.

2. Finn is Force Sensitive. And he hangs around in the Senate building sometimes (which Rey and the other trainees think is dead boring) and makes a game of working out who’s lying and why. On days when the old Emperor has to attend sessions, Finn sits with him or with Leia.

3. Rey is super good with mechanical stuff still, but she’s not a polyglot. She can speak Basic, Binary, and like four words in Shyriiwook, but otherwise she needs help translating.

4. Poe doesn’t change at all except that his parents are still alive and very proud of him.

5. The map is not to find Luke Skywalker. That guy is easy to find. You just go to Coruscant and show up at the palace. Mention a youngster in need of affirmation and mentoring and I guarantee he’ll show up like magic. Or the Emperor, who refuses to retire because he insists he’s not that old. He’ll probably show up too.

6. The map is to find the Journal of the Whills. Quite frankly, the story would be less Star Wars and more Indiana Jones, but hey, we’ve got Han, Chewie, Leia and Lando with too much time on their hands and maybe a Ben-in-distress here or there for his younger siblings to rescue.

Background: While breaking into a magic gemshop we triggered a black hole-like trap and ran out safely. Curious to what the noise was, a kid walks to the back of the gemshop
[Me]: *throws the kid into the room with the blackhole* For Science! 
[DM]: As the child sinks into the black hole, total darkness engulfs the room pushing you out of the room and closing the door behind you. Congrats, you killed a kid for Science.

youtube

The Adolescents- Kids of the Blackhole

0:38 Makes me wanna drop kick a stranger! >:l