kids of bh

anonymous asked:

PTA mom Black Hat

The only logical continuation of yoga mom blackhat tbh

  • Honestly most of the teachers at these meetings actually appreciate him. These conferences are almost always controlled by the elite “alpha parent squad,” so BH really shakes up the meetings
  • he says the shit that everyone wants to say but is too scared to. And he says it without any sort of filter.
  • “really Helen? You really want to be put in charge of the bake sale? I’m sorry, which one of us owns a multimillion dollar company again? I you’d agree that between the two of us I have a bit more experience in how to actually make a fucking profit?”
  • “You seriously want to reduce the art department’s funding. It’s useless? I have a kid in the fucking art program, you really think tha– we need to make cuts? Oh I know something of yours we can cut off–”
  • “For fuck’s sake John! We don’t need to REDO THE FOOTBALL FIELD AGAIN!!!”
  • “Kathleen shut the hell up about your ‘sweet, angelic son’ being given detention. The teacher was just doing his job; it’s not Mr. Donnigan’s fault that Billy can’t stop talking about being a student athlete.”
  • “Yes Harold, I heard what you fucking said. And I say we vote on how many people here think it was stupid!
  • “Caty the dress code is biased and you fucking know it. If I hear one more thing about a bra strap I’m going to shoot myself in the foot.”
  • “Helen I don’t care how good you say your lemon bars are; kids like chocolate. Have you ever eaten an actually good dessert in your life.”
  • “Paul shut up about veganism for one fucking second
  • “what do you mean we can’t call them slutty brownies no fuck that. they gotta be labeled accordingly, it’s a branding thing.”
  • BH: //inhales: “h̢̖͙́̀͋ ̜̝̱͊̿̍e̟̜̠̊͊͝ ͖̰̰̾̓̚l͙̬̺̋̚̚ ̛̼̘̱̃̔ȇ̼̘͙͊͝ ̦̮̥͂́̓ǹ̼̠͚̋̕

Let’s be real; he’d get kicked out at the first meeting and then get begged by his yoga mom squad/the rest of the teachers to come back. He’d show up to every single one after that out of spite, eliminate Helen, rig the election for next year, and become the new head of the PTA

anonymous asked:

those are not his eyebrows those are his antenna-i i cant,i canrt finish this im sorry

someone get the bug spray

anonymous asked:

If you DID make some horrifying eldritch spawn together, how would you raise them?

“I-I don’t really know….. um…. If anything, I’d just want to make sure to be the opposite of the parental figure I had….”

“Put them on the path of pure evil, of course! No hypothetical child of ours wouldn’t be a great villain!”

emilys-fandom-trashbin  asked:

I've been binge-ing all your writings (they're amazing btw), and I just finished "Our Greatest Creation" and my 3 hours of sleep brain said "Man, Black Hat would be an amazing uncle" and I just?? Request a continuation of Our Greatest Creation where the kid's, like, 6 and BH is best uncle while Flug and Waifu are on second honeymoon or smth??

UNCLE BLACK HAT?

Dr. Flug x Reader (Also, Uncle-y Black Hat)

A/N:Technically this is a Flug x Reader, but…. Yeah it focuses more on BH and his relationship with your child. I named your kid Alan as a tribute to Alan Ituriel. I love that man, and while I totally subscribe to and adore the “Dad Alan” head-cannons (go check out @blackhatcannons for this because they have some really cute ideas about Dad Alan!), I also just adored the idea of little Alan Ituriel running around with “Uncle Black Hat”. Because who doesn’t love Alan?
This request was so cute and I wrote it really quickly because the inspiration was there! Thank you and I hope you enjoy!!!

.

It felt good to relax. Certainly it wasn’t something you nor Flug got to do very often. Ever since Alan was born your lives had become a whirlwind of adorable, evil adventures. Not that you didn’t enjoy them, but it felt good to relax a bit.

You turned over in your bed and sighed at your husband’s form. But something was off.

“Hey, Flug,” You yawned, “Where’s Alan?”

You could have sworn that your little boy had crawled in bed with you two again last night, with another night mare about a hero destroying the company. You looked over to 5.0.5’s bed in the corner, but your son wasn’t curled up with the blue bear either.

“Maybe he went back to his room.” Flug replied sleepily. You shrugged, wanting terribly to stay in bed with him, but the alarm on you night stand gleefully reminded you that it was 15 minutes after 9 and you knew Black Hat undoubtedly had something for you to do. It didn’t matter that it was a Saturday morning. And besides, Alan’s cartoons were on. Maybe that’s where he’d gone. It didn’t take you long to get ready.

At the sound of a large explosion, you watched your husband sit bolt upright in bed, still dressed from work the night before, save the lab coat. You looked at each other in surprise. We’re you under attack? Usually explosions came from inside the house. And they were typically Flug’s fault.

Both of you ran outside quickly, Flug pulling on a lab coat as you sped down the halls. Alan wasn’t in his room or in front of the TV.

Out side you both came across a scene that made your eyes widen. Black Hat and Alan stood a little ways away from the sight of the explosion, laughing together. The entirety of the neighbors flower garden, of which Black Hat often complained due to its size and bright colors, was on fire. Or at least, the few bits of organic matter left was aflame. There was a considerable dent in the ground.

“Sir?” Flug surprisingly spoke first and Black Hat quickly stopped laughing, “What happened?”

“Did….Did that explosion…Did you help Alan set that off?” You asked slowly, a look of concern no doubt lining your face. On multiple occasions you’d seen your son fight Demencia over a box of cookies and win. You knew he was tough, but the mom in you was still concerned for your son, who from the looks of things was not nearly as far from the blast as he should have been.

“What?!” Black Hat asked, looking at you two like you were crazy, “He’s fine!”

Behind him, Alan was laughing…and also his coat was on fire. You chuckled a bit while Flug looked on with concern. Upon seeing you two, Alan ran over to you, pulling on the bottom of your shirt.

“Mama! Mama! Uncle Black Hat and I burned down the neighbor’s flowers today!”

“Uncle Black Hat?!” Flug and Black Hat said in unison. You chuckled again, taking one knee so you could talk to your son face to face.

“Wow, Alan, that sounds absolutely criminal.” You smiled, raising an eye to Black Hat, who huffed and avoided your gaze.

“Yeah!” Alan smiled enthusiastically, using his arms as he talked, “He even let me pour the gasoline on them! It was awesome! They went up so fast!”

“And what should you go tell you’re ‘Uncle Black Hat’?” You replied, placing a hand on his shoulder to pat out the last bit of flame and gesturing over to Black Hat.

“I am not-”

“Thank you!” Alan smiled, running over to Black Hat and hugging his leg. Black Hat froze, a near disgusted look on his face as the young boy hugged him.

“Uhhhh, yes…” He replied, patting Alan on the head uncomfortably and sending him back to you, “You are…welcome.”

“Now run inside and grab a snack with Daddy.”

“Okay!” Alan smiled, grabbing Flug’s hand and leading his father inside. Flug looked back at you and you offered him a reassuring smile.

“You know just gasoline wouldn’t cause an explosion that big.” You looked over to Black Hat, who was watching them go inside. He looked at you with that half confused, half disgusted look, before quickly composing himself back into an “I don’t care” attitude.

“Ah well, you know, I just wanted to make the fire larger, cause more damage…you know their flowers were going over the fence a-”

“Well you made Alan really happy.” You said, patting him on the shoulder, “And he really looks up to you.”

“Yeah well…maybe the child isn’t completely useless…” He mumbled, following you back in the house.

anonymous asked:

You know, I think after watching that movie, Reader would dress up as La Muerte and get Black Hat to be Xibalba

CAN WE GET SOMEONE WITH ART SKILLS ON THIS PLEASE?!?!

BH: I’m not doing that!

Reader: Oh, come on Black Hat! It’s Halloween! Give the kids a bit of fun!

BH: I would rather be having fun.

Reader: Just shut up and start handing out candy.

*Reader proceeds to pass out sweets to children at front gate while BH stands around and scares the crap out of random passers by*

anonymous asked:

Does League of Legends exist in your AU? If so do they play the game?

Veigar: MOBAs were never really my thing. All I would do is tilt and waste money and time into it. The only redeeming quality of MOBAs are the characters in it.

anonymous asked:

(1/2) an Omega!verse AU. Omega!Stiles is not against Mating per say but he is against the person who is aggressively trying to get up on him! Mainly Alpha!Jackson who will not take no for an answer. Jackson has been harassing Stiles since they were 13 when both presented within days of each other. Jackson took that as a sign that they were meant to be and Stiles disagrees. Loudly. And repeatedly. Then comes new kid hottie derek hale taking BH by storm while also sweeping Stiles off his feet.

(2/?) At first Stiles was not impressed by the bad boy person that Derek seem to give. (Like not at all. Okay maybe a little.) Then it turns out Derek is a sweater loving teddy bear who snuck an abandoned puppy into the school because the local vet went on vacation and Derek didn’t want to leave the poor thing alone! Derek was indifferent towards the sassy Omega who seems to have a retort for everything.(he will concede that he is pretty) but then he heard Stiles passionate rant about

(3/?) Marvel comics and their superiority over D.C. (Except Batman of course) and Derek was hooked. His voice was just so enthralling. Derek knew he could listen to him for hours, days even! But there’s alway an alpha around him. The alpha keeps bragging about how stiles is his Omega and how they’re just waiting until after HS to be bonded. Derek curses his shitty luck and convinces himself that’d he’d just have to suck it up. Until one day, Stiles is just sick and tired from his last heat.

4/? He’s irritated and kinda chaffed. Stiles is not up for bullshit, especially Jackson’s bs. So when Jackson saunters up to him and says “ I bet your ass is as sweet as you smell r/n” you can’t really blame Stiles for snapping and bring down hellfire. He publicly and loudly rejects dismisses and knocks down the ego of Jackson. After hearing the whole blow up Derek is impressed and over the fucking moon. He’s got a chance

Originally posted by stiles-and-thomas

(Stifling my rage that about that comment on D.C.)

That is so sweet. It would be the perfect slow burn fic and I am all in for this story.

Originally posted by dylanfanforeverr

(I apologise if I have prematurely posted this)