kids dolphin

people more qualified to be president than donald trump:

bernie sanders

stephen colbert

kid president from youtube

this rock

this rock

a dolphin, one of the smartest animals

a cow, one of the not-so-smart animals

the same cow, a bit later

the same cow, a bit later still

literally anyone or anything in the universe

this has been a public service announcement brought to you by the poop emoji 2016 campaign

Pls link me to that video where it’s 2 boys and the one kid is like this is dolphin boy or something and the kid makes a dolphin noise and like throws himself into a river / stream / dam thing

#48. The Bad Sensei From Karate Kid

Sensei John Kreese is a straight shooter and a tough talker. He’s a veteran and a small-business owner. Perhaps most importantly, he displays a willingness to do whatever it takes to win. While he does have a reputation for being hostile toward Asians, this could possibly be spun into a “strong anti-China” stance. Great hair.

#47. Jeb Bush

He’s fine.

#46. Trained Dolphins

Dolphins are highly intelligent animals. Recent studies show they have a sense of self and can think about the future. Basically, the sky is the limit on what we can train these babies to do: jump through hoops for fish, clap for fish, swim backward for fish … really anything. We therefore wouldn’t be taking a step backward in our candidate’s understanding of foreign policy. Large numbers of them in Florida could put that state back into play (but note: cannot vote and have no hands).

50 Candidates Who’d Be Better Than Trump At Being President

like angus in any universe is a fucking genius of a child, in paleopark au hes. you know how theres always those Types of kids. wolf kids, dragon kids, horse kids, dolphin kids, dinosaur kids. u kno. angus is the MOST dinosaur kid. and like, hes not a Junior Volunteer at the park or anything hes an actual, almost employee , almost because i think thats illegal, he helps around some but hes like doing actual research into the behaviors of stegosauruses

The signs as bad jokes about birthdays found in greeting cards

Aries: You’re getting older, which means you need to start behaving in a more civilized manner. In other words, burping your candles out is a big no-no.

Taurus: The secret to staying young? Lying about your age. If I’ve learned anything in my 29 years, it’s that!

Gemini: The best thing about birthdays is how they can make you feel like a kid again (this one included a moving cutout of an old guy riding on one of those cheap-ass moving dolphins for kids you’d find outside a store or in a mall)

Cancer: We’ve finally reached the age when we need glasses… let’s keep ‘em full of wine!

Leo: Birthdays… they’re like a bitch-slap from Father Time.

Virgo: “Hot damn! Are those real?” “My boobs?” “No, your teeth.”

Libra: A wise man once said, don’t count your years, make your years count.” …or was it “beers”? Either way, good advice.

Scorpio: Do you know why old men wear black socks with sandals? You’re one year closer to finding out.

Sagittarius: Another birthday and I don’t think you look any older at all! It’s fun to make believe, isn’t it?

Capricorn: Is another birthday getting you down? Just don’t enjoy birthdays the way you used to? Birthday parties have been shown to increase the desire to have fun for men in your age group, and to effectively treat celebration dysfunction. Common side effects include stomachache, ice cream head-freeze, and helium balloon high-voice. If you experience a birthday party lasting more than four hours, stop partying immediately and seek a place to pass out. Ask your family and friends if a party is right for you!

Aquarius: Being young means farting and pretending you didn’t. Being old means farting and not knowing you did.

Pisces: I didn’t want to get you one of those snarky cards that teases you about your age. They’re just mean. And besides, I was afraid you’d get mad and hit me with your giant old-lady purse!