I don’t mean to come off as aggressive, but truth be told, I’m about to utterly destroy this interview with Dove Cameron. I am not doing this because I don’t like her, I’m just infuriated by this theory. I am a reader, and I read the prequel books before watching the movies. This stuff doesn’t align with the books, and I’m peeved about it. All my fellow Divergent and PJO fans know that when a movie doesn’t follow the books, WE. GET. MAD!
Let’s start with the claim that Uma and Mal’s rivalry is partially based around Harry. Here is where that actually comes from. Uma and Mal were partners-in-petty-crime when they were little kids, kinda like bffs. One day, the two wanted to prank Cruella De Vil by dumping sea sludge on her. However, the sludge spilled and Mal slipped off the dock. Uma initially laughs at the accident, but she becomes panicked as she desperately searches for her friend, who also can’t swim. Mal never actually fell off the pier. She appears behind Uma and dumps a bucket of smelly shrimp on her head. The smell of shrimp never went away, and Mal nicknamed her Shrimpy. Since then, the two were always in competition. (“from the sandbox to the doomball court”) Their 13th bday parties were even on the same day. “Mal always came out on top.” Uma’s fury intensifies when Mal is selected to go to Auradon and not her. Uma is envious of Mal because she always beat Uma, and Uma just wants to win. Their bad blood is based on a gradual one-sided battle and years of jealousy. Basing it on a guy belittles Uma’s motives and makes her look petty. She’s not; she has millions of reasons to hate Mal, and none of them are Harry.
Now let’s talk about Evie. Actually, let’s talk about their whole gang’s origins. It started as Mal and Jay, the worst kids of Dragon Hall and partners-in-crime. Carlos was a runty nerd in school, and Evie was the new girl. She was castleschooled (homeschooled) her whole life because when she and Evil Queen were banished when they she was a kid. Why? Because her birthday party was the same day as Mal’s, and everyone went to Evie’s. Mal was upset, so Maleficent banished the Evil Queen and her daughter to a lonely castle. Bottom line, Mal started out hating Evie. When Evie goes to Dragon Hall, her first friend is Carlos, and neither are too keen on being evil. One day, Maleficent asks Mal to retrieve her dragon eye scepter from the Isle of the Doomed, and Mal hatches a scheme to make Evie grab it and fall into a death-like sleep. Thus, the rotten four is born. Mal brings Jay and invites Evie who brings Carlos. However, Mal develops as a person over the journey and saves Evie from death by grabbing the scepter herself (She only sleeps for a few minutes because she’s related to Maleficent). Bottom line is that Evie was not some replacement for a kicked out gang member. Uma was never apart of Mal’s gang because it started long after Uma and Mal’s rivalry began, and Evie was one of the original members of the gang anyway. Suggesting otherwise puts majority of Mal’s character development to waste and disregards her relationship with Evie. Also, Uma was never in her gang, but she constantly tried to join. Mal claimed she wasn’t big or bad enough, but she was actually threatened by the presence of leader who might just be as evil as her. Thus, the rivalry intensifies. Again, Uma has plenty of reasons to hate Mal.
The part saying Harry and Mal were each other’s first loves makes next to no sense. The evidence for this lies more in the first movie. First, Evie says Mal never had a boyfriend. Next, Mal says that there isn’t really dating on the Isle, just gang activity. Finally, she tells Ben that she doesn’t know what love is. Saying that Harry was Mal’s first love makes illegitimate Ben’s efforts to help Mal learn how to love. It’s Mal’s discovery of love that enables her to develop as a character and defeat her mother. Dating Ben was supposed to be what transformed Mal, and implying that she has loved another before makes her development in the first movie almost meaningless.
Now for the part about Harry getting dumped and joining Uma’s gang. Uma doesn’t get a crew until after the events of the first movie because she concludes that she needs one to beat Mal’s gang. Uma is described as Harry’s longest friend on the Isle, meaning he knew her before he knew Mal. And yes, THEY ACTUALLY SAID FREIND!! When they were young, Uma started ordering him around, and he let her(Gil was there too, but he drifted away and came back when he found out they needed a crew). When Uma says she wants a crew and a ship, she makes a bet with Harry. The winner is captain and the loser is first mate. Ya’ll can figure out who won. Anyway, Harry was always friends with Uma, and he joins Uma’s crew because he wants to, not because of a silly rivalry between former gang mates and a broken heart. There is no mention of a distaste for Mal on his part. In fact, when Uma is hell-bent on getting a crew so she can beat Mal, he wants her to lighten up and have fun with him by causing mischief or something. He doesn’t care about the kids in Bore-don; he just cares that Uma’s upset. The idea that Harry joins Uma’s crew in spite of Mal downplays Harry and Uma’s friendship.
In glorious conclusion, this theory makes a mockery out of the books written to support the movies. Why bother having Melissa De La Cruz write them if you’re not going to agree with the story line? I feel like the actors and directors should read these books so they understand their characters’ motivation. I mean, didn’t Dove Cameron do a promotional video for Rise of the Isle of the Lost? I thought she read it!
I’m not doing this in spite of Dove’s relationship with Thomas. Their personal life is none of our concern, and as a fandom we need to respect that. However, her story does harm to the canon in the following ways: it bases Uma and Mal’s years of tension on a guy and petty gang drama, it turns the beginnings of Evie and Mal’s relationship into a mere replacing of someone else, it turns Ben’s role as Mal’s reason to be good into a lack luster second rate, and it makes Uma and Harry’s relationship based purely on mutual hatred for Mal.
Their backstory is nice, but I ask that they keep their personal life and professional life separate. I really liked the books, but this makes them pointless. If they’re going to force this onto us, don’t expect me to believe a word of it. It lacks evidence from the written text, puts De La Cruz’s work to waste, and shoots down loads of character/relationship development.
i hope i get to read one thousand think pieces about how Big Little Lies was marketed and first told as a story about rich older white women drinking wine and fighting over their kids birthday parties, to then ultimately being about domestic abuse, rape, PTSD, guilt over being a working mom, or a stay-at-home mom, and feelings of dissatisfaction with motherhood. it literally ends with these women dissolving their performative cattiness and doing everything they can to protect each other and it deserves all the recognition and analysis in the world
I know it's fun to assume you know everything about the fucking world but newsflash, asshole. "Actual clowns" means professional clowns. People who are paid to work at carnivals or kids' birthday parties, and wherever else a clown might be required. I know you're gonna backpedal and say "dUUUH I-I WAS JUST JOKING G-GET OFF MY BACK" but I know people like you can be so up your own asses that you actually believe the shit you spew, so I'm here to clear the air. You're fucking welcome.
clowns are a species. here are some common types of american clowns
It’s your usual Cutthroat Kitchen tournament-style episodic cook-off…with a catch: the contestants - pretentious, self-important chefs from around the country - are judged not by top-of-the-line famous cooks, but by normal people.
And not just normal people, but normal people with everyday limitations that the chefs must adhere to. Each episode is a new competition that challenges the chefs with a new limitation or change based on various people’s food realities.
Here are some possible episodes:
Create a dessert (pastry/cake in one episode, ice cream-type dessert in another) for Diabetic people
Make a traditionally spicy dish for people with Sensory Processing Disorder
Cook for a kids’ birthday party, bearing in mind that children have very simple tastes and will be put off by “gourmet” ingredients
Again with SPD, make a meal that normally has too many mixed textures for the judges to comfortably eat
Catering for elderly judges who both cannot chew/crunch very well (and are sick of soup/oatmeal)
Catering for elderly judges with a combo of “can’t taste unless the flavors are very strong” and “aging body can’t handle too many spices”
“We surveyed 100 low-income families to see what their most common ingredients/spices/brands are and you may ONLY use those. Now make Thanksgiving dinner.”
Traditionally cheese- or milk-heavy recipes for people who are lactose intolerant
“We surveyed 100 college students and– look, just make really good ramen out of these $0.99 noodles from CVS and some cheap spices.”
Various religious restrictions
Each of these will be judged by people who are really in the given situation. The low-income competition is judged by people who have those budget limitations every Thanksgiving. Their judges for the SPD episode are all Autistic (or have other SPD-inclusive disorders). The kids probably aren’t actually having a birthday party but they ARE all actually young children giving their honest opinion of what the contestants cook.
Most chefs, when faced with making, say, a non-spicy hollandaise sauce will panic and say “the dish is ruined!” because all they did was make the sauce minus cayenne. Those chefs would soon be eliminated, leaving only adaptable, accepting contestants who know how to work inside the box to improve a given dish. Add, not just take away. Chefs who are ready to take classic meals in a new direction are the ones who win.
The ultimate moral of this show is that given dishes can be made many ways, not just the traditional ways.
Audiences in the mentioned demographics will both love seeing themselves represented on TV and learn new recipes invented under pressure/on the fly that they can copy at home.
Feel free to add episode ideas to this!! I’m sure I missed a lot of people.
Speaking of which, Stan and I arrived safely in Oregon this morning. We docked the Stan O’ War in Newport and began the drive east to Gravity Falls, where we arrived a few hours ago to the warm welcome of our friends. Of all the places I’ve been, this still feels the most like home. It’s good to be back.
It’s Sunday afternoon and she is going over to see him for the afternoon. They have not been able to fuck for about 3 weeks for various reasons… so it should be pretty amazing for them. I’ll be going to a kids birthday party while she’s there.
Summary: Soulmates are supposed to be a wonderful thing, that is until you find out who your soulmate is. You guessed it, Lance “The Fucker” Tucker.
Pairing: Lance x Reader
A/N: I bet you all look really beautiful today :)
Reality comes back to Hope and she screeches. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”
“What do I do?” you slap your palm on your forehead, squeezing your eyes shut.
“Is this a joke? Am I getting Punk’d?” she questioned and you scowl, although she couldn’t see your face through the phone.
“No you’re not fucking getting Punk’d, dumbass.” you grit, trying to keep your voice down so that Lance wouldn’t hear you.
You hear Hope scoff on the other end. “I can’t believe he’s actually your soulmate. How fucked up is that?”
“Laugh about it later. Right now I need to know what to do because at the moment Lance is in my kitchen.”
Her joking tone turned serious. “Why is that dickwad in your kitchen? Oh god Y/N did you guys fuck?”
“No! God Hope, I have self respect for myself, you do realize that, right?” your friend was being unbearable.
“That guy has some mad skills. One minute you can be talking about something as innocent as a kids birthday party and the next, you’re fucking. He’s smooth as hell.” she tells you and you sigh.
“Yeah, well I won’t make the same mistake that you did.”
“I was young and dumb Y/N. Stop holding my past against me.” Hope says in a casual tone.
“I don’t! This is probably the third time I’ve ever brought it up since meeting you! You’re the one who always brings it up!” you defend.
“Yeah, yeah. Listen, just go out there, look him in the eyes and say get out of my fucking house you sex addicted freak. He’ll be gone just like that.” you can practically see her shrugging.
“I’m not doing that Hope, I’m a nice person.”
Hope sighs loudly. “I don’t know what to tell you, Y/N.”
“There has to be a reason as to why he’s my soulmate, Hope. Maybe he’s not as bad as you make him out to be.” your voice lowered towards the end and you shut your eyes, knowing Hope would start yelling at you.
“I’ve experienced what it’s like to be with Lance head on! I know what kind of asshole he can be. He breaks hearts and doesn’t care, Y/N! He’ll do the same damn thing to you and I won’t allow my best friend to get hurt from some scum bag who doesn’t have feelings!” she shouts and at one point you have to take the phone away from your ear.
“Hope, there has to be a reason that above everyone else, he’s my soulmate! We’re destined to be together!” you argue
“That soulmate stuff is bullshit.”
“Say that in front of Ben.” you challenge and she goes silent. “ Exactly.”
“He’s an asshole.” she reminds you.
“You just say that because he fucked you over and he’s been cruel to you since you got all the attention despite only winning the bronze.” you roll your eyes.
“He’s mean to Ben!”
“Hope, you’re mean to Ben.”
“Yeah but I’m allowed to be mean to him.”
Another eye roll. It goes silent on both your eyes as you process everything that has happened in the last 20 minutes. Lance is your soulmate. You share every cut, every scar, every injury, every… Tattoo.
“Hope, I gotta go.”
“What? No, where-” you end the call and toss your phone onto your bed then storm out into the kitchen, startling Lance when was leaning against the counter, sipping his cup of water.
He stands up straight upon seeing you. “Hey, what ha-”
“You selfish asshole!” you shout, coming chest to chest with him. Lance is confused. “I can’t believe how inconsiderate you are! You knew damn well that you had a soulmate and you knew damn well that I’d feel every single thing you felt!”
“What are you talking about?” was he being serious?
“I’m talking about you getting that god awful gold medal tattoo!” you shout. “Do you not know how ugly that shit is?! I hate taking showers, I hate looking at myself in the mirror and I can’t fucking have sex with anyone because that stupid tattoo is so god damn embarrassing!”
Lance smirks. You didn’t expect that reaction. “Shit, you have it too? Lemme see..” he leans forward, reaching for your pants but you swat his hand away, glaring at the tall, dark haired man.
“Oh baby,” he rests his weight on the counter again. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
You look at him with disgust plastered on your face before turning your back to him. “Get out of my apartment.”
Now when girls would tell Lance to get out of their house, he’d be out the door before she could even finish her sentence. But with you, it was different. He wanted to stay with you, he didn’t want to go. Just being in your presence comforted him no matter if you were angry with him or not.
“Y/N, wait, no, I didn’t mean-”
“I said get out, Lance.” you snap, turning back to look at him. “Maybe it’s a good idea if we just stay away from each other. You didn’t want anything to do with me before, there shouldn’t be a difference now.”
Lance thought back to all the times you’d try to contact him with a simple ‘hi’ or ‘hey’ and he’d respond with a ‘fuck you’ or ‘leave me the hell alone’
“I’m sorry.” the cocky, asshole Lance from before was replaced with this Lance. He was genuinely sorry.
“Just leave please.” you sigh, not daring to look up from the floor.
Lance, defeated, let out a puff of air before complying to your wish. He looked at you once more before shutting the front door behind him.
A/N: Sorry it’s kind of short. Tell me what ya think :)
Author: @writing-obrien and @dumbass-stilinski Rating: NSFW 18+ Pairing: Dave Hodgman/Reader Words: 5,504 AN: This fic was going to just be Chloe’s but then I jumped in to help her and it became a collab. You’re welcome. There’s just not enough Hodgman stories in the world. Contains masturbation (both), Oral (female receiving), ‘Skype Sex’, inspired by Chloe’s truly embarrassing events at a pizza restaurant, except hers didn’t end this well.
She couldn’t really be counted as the ‘new’ waitress anymore, seeing as she’d worked there for four months now. But in those four months business had spiked. People just adored her service.
Parents admired how well she treated the children.
Kids loved when she brought over crayons and drawings she’d printed herself.
Staff took advantage of the fact that she did many tables at once, leaving them to stand idle and chat while still getting the wages.
Teenage girls relished in the times that she would make chat and give advice on everything from lipstick shades to what has the most or few calories in.
Teenage boys simply came for the skirt that she wore showed just enough to tease without being slutty, her legs on show and her top fitted, pens lined along her top pocket.
Dave, however, had entirely different reasons for being here. He loved how her smile lit up when she was left a good tip on a bill. He loved how her hair fell perfectly around her face when she would let it down after shutting hours, cleaning the tables and singing her heart out to the music blasting. He loved that she worked overtime at the little shop, so that he could casually swing back and say hi.
He loved her.
He also hated that he was so sentimental about it and he couldn’t just think like the rest of the male population thought about her. Which he hated too.