kid's birthday party

Two can play at that game.

Prior to a kid birthday party landscapers that my wife hired cut a dead tree bordering my property and county park land. A senior nagging neighbor told the landscaper to keep off the park land. The neighbor from two houses away then followed up by reporting my backyard to the county. A police officer visited, a survey was done, both my kids playground had to be moved up 2 feet & another neighbor’s patio had to be partially uprooted. I went to talk to this old a hole neighbor. He thought I was confronting him about the yard. I had a buyer interested in his home (I’m a Realtor) he showed me all around his house before saying he just refinanced & plans to stay a long time. Fast forward a couple months. He lists his home for sale with an agent I’ve never met. With 5 Bedrooms & 4.5 bathrooms.  The tax record shoes 2.5 bathrooms so the work done was not permitted, no permit was pulled. I filed a non-permitted work complaint. The house went under contract, they agreed to repair a few items in the home inspection agreement; THEN the Sherriff showed up, followed by an inspection. They had to spend a thousands of dollars to have permits pulled after the fact, and prove the work was done to code then repair it to code. Then they moved away.

tl/dr neighbor grouch complained to county, resulting in me having to move our playground 2 feet. THEN I complained to county his bathrooms were done without a needed permit causing

Speaking of which, Stan and I arrived safely in Oregon this morning. We docked the Stan O’ War in Newport and began the drive east to Gravity Falls, where we arrived a few hours ago to the warm welcome of our friends. Of all the places I’ve been, this still feels the most like home. It’s good to be back. 

anonymous asked:

I know it's fun to assume you know everything about the fucking world but newsflash, asshole. "Actual clowns" means professional clowns. People who are paid to work at carnivals or kids' birthday parties, and wherever else a clown might be required. I know you're gonna backpedal and say "dUUUH I-I WAS JUST JOKING G-GET OFF MY BACK" but I know people like you can be so up your own asses that you actually believe the shit you spew, so I'm here to clear the air. You're fucking welcome.

clowns are a species. here are some common types of american clowns

i hope i get to read one thousand think pieces about how Big Little Lies was marketed and first told as a story about rich older white women drinking wine and fighting over their kids birthday parties, to then ultimately being about domestic abuse, rape, PTSD, guilt over being a working mom, or a stay-at-home mom, and feelings of dissatisfaction with motherhood. it literally ends with these women dissolving their performative cattiness and doing everything they can to protect each other and it deserves all the recognition and analysis in the world 

Hotter Than The Pizza - Smut

Originally posted by jugheadjones

Author: @writing-obrien and @dumbass-stilinski
Rating: NSFW 18+
Pairing: Dave Hodgman/Reader
Words: 5,504
AN: This fic was going to just be Chloe’s but then I jumped in to help her and it became a collab. You’re welcome. There’s just not enough Hodgman stories in the world.  Contains masturbation (both), Oral (female receiving), ‘Skype Sex’, inspired by Chloe’s truly embarrassing events at a pizza restaurant, except hers didn’t end this well. 




She couldn’t really be counted as the ‘new’ waitress anymore, seeing as she’d worked there for four months now. But in those four months business had spiked. People just adored her service.

Parents admired how well she treated the children.

Kids loved when she brought over crayons and drawings she’d printed herself.

Staff took advantage of the fact that she did many tables at once, leaving them to stand idle and chat while still getting the wages.

Teenage girls relished in the times that she would make chat and give advice on everything from lipstick shades to what has the most or few calories in.

Teenage boys simply came for the skirt that she wore showed just enough to tease without being slutty, her legs on show and her top fitted, pens lined along her top pocket.

Dave, however, had entirely different reasons for being here. He loved how her smile lit up when she was left a good tip on a bill. He loved how her hair fell perfectly around her face when she would let it down after shutting hours, cleaning the tables and singing her heart out to the music blasting. He loved that she worked overtime at the little shop, so that he could casually swing back and say hi.

He loved her.

He also hated that he was so sentimental about it and he couldn’t just think like the rest of the male population thought about her. Which he hated too.

Keep reading

Tainted Love (part 3)

Summary: Soulmates are supposed to be a wonderful thing, that is until you find out who your soulmate is. You guessed it, Lance “The Fucker” Tucker.

Pairing: Lance x Reader

Warnings: swearin’

A/N: I bet you all look really beautiful today :)


Reality comes back to Hope and she screeches. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“What do I do?” you slap your palm on your forehead, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Is this a joke? Am I getting Punk’d?” she questioned and you scowl, although she couldn’t see your face through the phone.

“No you’re not fucking getting Punk’d, dumbass.” you grit, trying to keep your voice down so that Lance wouldn’t hear you.

You hear Hope scoff on the other end. “I can’t believe he’s actually your soulmate. How fucked up is that?”

“Laugh about it later. Right now I need to know what to do because at the moment Lance is in my kitchen.”

Her joking tone turned serious. “Why is that dickwad in your kitchen? Oh god Y/N did you guys fuck?”

“No! God Hope, I have self respect for myself, you do realize that, right?” your friend was being unbearable.

“That guy has some mad skills. One minute you can be talking about something as innocent as a kids birthday party and the next, you’re fucking. He’s smooth as hell.” she tells you and you sigh.

“Yeah, well I won’t make the same mistake that you did.”

“I was young and dumb Y/N. Stop holding my past against me.” Hope says in a casual tone.

“I don’t! This is probably the third time I’ve ever brought it up since meeting you! You’re the one who always brings it up!” you defend.

“Yeah, yeah. Listen, just go out there, look him in the eyes and say get out of my fucking house you sex addicted freak. He’ll be gone just like that.” you can practically see her shrugging.

“I’m not doing that Hope, I’m a nice person.”

Hope sighs loudly. “I don’t know what to tell you, Y/N.”

“There has to be a reason as to why he’s my soulmate, Hope. Maybe he’s not as bad as you make him out to be.” your voice lowered towards the end and you shut your eyes, knowing Hope would start yelling at you.

“I’ve experienced what it’s like to be with Lance head on! I know what kind of asshole he can be. He breaks hearts and doesn’t care, Y/N! He’ll do the same damn thing to you and I won’t allow my best friend to get hurt from some scum bag who doesn’t have feelings!” she shouts and at one point you have to take the phone away from your ear.

“Hope, there has to be a reason that above everyone else, he’s my soulmate! We’re destined to be together!” you argue

“That soulmate stuff is bullshit.”

“Say that in front of Ben.” you challenge and she goes silent. “ Exactly.”

“He’s an asshole.” she reminds you.

“You just say that because he fucked you over and he’s been cruel to you since you got all the attention despite only winning the bronze.” you roll your eyes.

“He’s mean to Ben!”

“Hope, you’re mean to Ben.”

“Yeah but I’m allowed to be mean to him.”

Another eye roll. It goes silent on both your eyes as you process everything that has happened in the last 20 minutes. Lance is your soulmate. You share every cut, every scar, every injury, every… Tattoo.

“Hope, I gotta go.”

“What? No, where-” you end the call and toss your phone onto your bed then storm out into the kitchen, startling Lance when was leaning against the counter, sipping his cup of water.

He stands up straight upon seeing you. “Hey, what ha-”

“You selfish asshole!” you shout, coming chest to chest with him. Lance is confused. “I can’t believe how inconsiderate you are! You knew damn well that you had a soulmate and you knew damn well that I’d feel every single thing you felt!”

“What are you talking about?” was he being serious?

“I’m talking about you getting that god awful gold medal tattoo!” you shout. “Do you not know how ugly that shit is?! I hate taking showers, I hate looking at myself in the mirror and I can’t fucking have sex with anyone because that stupid tattoo is so god damn embarrassing!”

Lance smirks. You didn’t expect that reaction. “Shit, you have it too? Lemme see..” he leans forward, reaching for your pants but you swat his hand away, glaring at the tall, dark haired man.

“Fuck you!”

“Oh baby,” he rests his weight on the counter again. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

You look at him with disgust plastered on your face before turning your back to him. “Get out of my apartment.”

Now when girls would tell Lance to get out of their house, he’d be out the door before she could even finish her sentence. But with you, it was different. He wanted to stay with you, he didn’t want to go. Just being in your presence comforted him no matter if you were angry with him or not.

“Y/N, wait, no, I didn’t mean-”

“I said get out, Lance.” you snap, turning back to look at him. “Maybe it’s a good idea if we just stay away from each other. You didn’t want anything to do with me before, there shouldn’t be a difference now.”

Lance thought back to all the times you’d try to contact him with a simple ‘hi’ or ‘hey’ and he’d respond with a ‘fuck you’ or ‘leave me the hell alone’

“I’m sorry.” the cocky, asshole Lance from before was replaced with this Lance. He was genuinely sorry.

“Just leave please.” you sigh, not daring to look up from the floor.

Lance, defeated, let out a puff of air before complying to your wish. He looked at you once more before shutting the front door behind him.


A/N: Sorry it’s kind of short. Tell me what ya think :)

Tags:

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The tags with the lines through them means I couldn’t tag you, I’m sorry.

TV Show Idea

It’s your usual Cutthroat Kitchen tournament-style episodic cook-off…with a catch: the contestants - pretentious, self-important chefs from around the country - are judged not by top-of-the-line famous cooks, but by normal people. 

And not just normal people, but normal people with everyday limitations that the chefs must adhere to. Each episode is a new competition that challenges the chefs with a new limitation or change based on various people’s food realities. 

Here are some possible episodes: 

  • Create a dessert (pastry/cake in one episode, ice cream-type dessert in another) for Diabetic people 
  • Make a traditionally spicy dish for people with Sensory Processing Disorder 
  • Cook for a kids’ birthday party, bearing in mind that children have very simple tastes and will be put off by “gourmet” ingredients 
  • Again with SPD, make a meal that normally has too many mixed textures for the judges to comfortably eat 
  • Catering for elderly judges who both cannot chew/crunch very well (and are sick of soup/oatmeal) 
  • Catering for elderly judges with a combo of “can’t taste unless the flavors are very strong” and “aging body can’t handle too many spices” 
  • “We surveyed 100 low-income families to see what their most common ingredients/spices/brands are and you may ONLY use those. Now make Thanksgiving dinner.” 
  • Traditionally cheese- or milk-heavy recipes for people who are lactose intolerant 
  • “We surveyed 100 college students and– look, just make really good ramen out of these $0.99 noodles from CVS and some cheap spices.” 
  • Various religious restrictions 

Each of these will be judged by people who are really in the given situation. The low-income competition is judged by people who have those budget limitations every Thanksgiving. Their judges for the SPD episode are all Autistic (or have other SPD-inclusive disorders). The kids probably aren’t actually having a birthday party but they ARE all actually young children giving their honest opinion of what the contestants cook. 

Most chefs, when faced with making, say, a non-spicy hollandaise sauce will panic and say “the dish is ruined!” because all they did was make the sauce minus cayenne. Those chefs would soon be eliminated, leaving only adaptable, accepting contestants who know how to work inside the box to improve a given dish. Add, not just take away. Chefs who are ready to take classic meals in a new direction are the ones who win. 

The ultimate moral of this show is that given dishes can be made many ways, not just the traditional ways. 

Audiences in the mentioned demographics will both love seeing themselves represented on TV and learn new recipes invented under pressure/on the fly that they can copy at home. 

Feel free to add episode ideas to this!! I’m sure I missed a lot of people. 

I'm The Boss

Request: I was thinking of a jerome x reader. Like maybe you’re part of the Maniax with him and you get in an argument with him during a job that gets a little rough. Maybe he pushes you against a wall or something? Maybe an “i’ll deal with you later” and so on and so forth. Sorry it’s so short!! I was having some blocking!! ——–

I hop down the steps and open the door to the jumping into my seat with excitement running through my veins. “Someone’s cheer.” Jerome says in the driver’s seat. “Well why wouldn’t I be? King and Queen of Gotham! What could be better?” I laugh kissing Jerome on the cheek. “I think I’m going to be sick.” Greenwood says rolling his eyes. “Oh don’t be jealous. She’s not as sweet as her blood smells.” Greenwood smirks and bites at me. “Don’t tempt me lover boy.”

As the team rolls along I look outside the window. “Where are we even going?” I ask resting my head back. “A rich kids birthday party.” Aaron says in his monotone voice. “Ah. So scare, rob, then kill. Got it.” Jerome looks over at me with a glare. “You don’t make the plan. I do.” I shrug my shoulders and roll my eyes.

We pull up to a big building and I can already hear the children’s laughter and the parents gossip. I reach to open the door and stride in, but Jerome pushes me out of the way and steps in front of me.

We near the room filled with people and once the doors are open the sound soon becomes quiet. You could hear a needle drop in that place. “Well that’s a good response!” I say laughing. And walking over to get a cupcake.

Jerome slaps the treat out of my hand and turns to the people. “Hello! One and all! Small and old! I assure you all… This will be a party you won’t forget!” He laughs and the people start to panic trying to get out.

I climb onto a table and shoot my gun in the air. “HEY! EVERYONE SIT DOWN! EVERYTHING OF VALUE ON THE TABLE!” Slowly they all listen and place their money and jewelry on the white clothed tables. I giggle and go collect the prizes.

As I reach for a stack of money a hand wraps around my neck and I’m slammed into a wall. I look up to see Jerome. He glares at me and leans close. “I’m the boss. You don’t call the shots. I do! Got it?” I nod a little scared. He’s never acted this way to me before.

I shove his arm off me and walk away. I hear his laughter behind me and I turn to look at him shaking his head. “You’re going to get it later doll. Just you wait.”

Originally posted by savagepatchkidzzz

WHEN I REMEMBER MONSTA X IS HAVING A COMEBACK :

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

anonymous asked:

What would the characters modern!au job/career of choice be?

Lucio owns and manages several nightclubs and has a trashy daytime talk show

Asra does really low-budget magic shows at kids’ birthday parties by day, and DJs at one of Lucio’s clubs at night

Nadia is the city mayor, an international chess champion, and concert pianist

Portia works at Home Depot (used to be a waitress at Red Lobster but the tips were terrible), but she wants to be a zookeeper

Julian is a doctor at an underfunded hospital with lots of drama

Muriel lives off the grid in a broken-down van in the woods

Beast Boy: All right, here’s how the game works. I will say a phrase. You tell me if I made it up or if it’s something that Raven actually said in real life to an actual human being. Phrase number one: [imitating Raven’s voice] “The futility of lighting candles only to blow them out immediately is just one reason I find children’s birthday parties impractical.”
Robin: Raven.
Cyborg: That’s Raven.
Kid Flash: Mm, fake.
Aqualad: I say fake too.
Raven: I don’t remember saying it, so it must be fake.
Beast Boy: It was real! To Batman’s other kid at his birthday party.
Raven: Oh, I remember now.
Starfire: Do another one! Do another one!
Beast Boy: All right, phrase number two: [imitating Raven’s voice] “Any smile that lasts longer than a second and a half is a con man’s ruse.”
Guardian: Fake.
Bumblebee: Fake.
Speedy: That’s fake.
Wonder Girl: That’s a fake one.
Raven: I said it and I meant it!