Pre-Kerberos! Matt HC
★ Matt is the whitest of the whites, he eats one hot chip and it’s game over.
★ He’s allergic to pickles
★ He got Katie into aliens and cryptids
- He doesn’t regret it
★ Him and Shiro were friends, even before the Garrison.
★ He’s a little shit, the Garrison teachers expected him to be the perfect student since he was Sam and Colleen’s son.
- They were wrong, he started a black market and wasn’t found out until it was too late. He made more than $500 bucks cash.
★ Whenever he was called into the office to talk about his future he just answered with “Kick ass, go to space, represent the human race.”
★ The cost of losing a bet with him was high
- Once a kid had to go up to Iverson and ask if he was a furry and if his boyfriend was bigfoot.
- They were required to help Iverson for the rest of the year during their free hour.
★ Anytime anyone asked if him and Shiro were dating, he did finger guns and awkwardly backed away.
★ Has been the cause of the science lab blowing up at least 5 times.
- Shiro was apart of three of them.
★ Puns were his shit no one could escape
- “Shiro does this make us…..Kerbros?”
- “If it weren’t for the laws of this land, I would’ve slaughtered you, Matt.”
★ Would fight you if you said Pluto wasn’t a planet
★ Is the most oblivious of people, two kids had a crush on him at the same time and he never noticed
- But he can somehow notice when people have crushes on each other??
★ He met Neil Degrasse Tyson once and cried
★ Katie and him show their love by roasting each other on the daily
★ “I know you love those peas, Dad.” was only the tip of the Yikesburg™ .
★ He dyed Shiro’s hair once
- It went as well as expected
- It was neon blue
★ He smuggled Pidge into the Garrison once with the help of Shiro
- Keith found them dragging her through the window
- He just stared silently and walked away
★ He can do a perfect Yoda impression
- Katie sadly found out when she on the verge of sleep at 3am
★ Subs always liked him for some reason, no one really knew how or why though.
★ He could name all 206 bones in the human body, and he taught Keith how to break every one of them
★ Katie popped out the lens in his back-up prescription glasses
- He cried
★ He can quote back to the future word for word
★ “What are you gonna do punch me???”
- The kid decked him
- He broke their leg
★ He threatened to sell Katie to the Garrison for a pizza
- A guy’s gotta do what they gotta do to get some decent food
★ “How’d you do in your flight test, Matt?” “Oh, I nearly killed Shiro. it’s chill though.”
★ He cries whenever he sees dogs since the Garrison is in the middle of nowhere
- He once cried for more dog deaths in three school days than his entire life
★ “Hey Matt, high-five the stars for me okay?” “Of course, Katie.”
- She hasn’t found out if he did or not.
★ It was his idea to name their dog Gunther
- “What the fuck, Matt” “It haS CHARACTER KATIE”
★ Him and his mom are kickass together.
- Everyone is low-key terrified of them
★ He crashed his bike into a tree once
- “Lol you guys will never guess what happened”
- “My bone is no longer in my leg”
★ “Do you think Iverson and—” “I’m gonna stop you right there.”
★ He hacked the speakers in the Garrison to play Bill Nye the Science Guy when someone said he wasn’t a real scientist
★ Believes in the multiverse theory and soulmates
- Maybe in some other universe him and Shiro are happy
★ He’s pan and poly, fight me
- Katie got him a shirt that read “Pans for Bigfoot”
- He wore it everywhere
★ He finished the office in a week and stares at a security camera whenever something stupid happens
★ Someone confessed to him once and he panicked and said “Thank you”
★ Matt is actually a super good crossdresser???
- Shiro and Keith are surprised???
- Katie had to get it from somewhere y’all
★ Lowkey likes to make fun of Keith for being Texan
- “Y’all’d’ve done good if y’all had listened to me.”
- “I hate living because of you, Matt.”
★ Bill Nye the Science Guy is his dad and you can’t tell him otherwise.
- He’ll fight you if you say he isn’t a real Scientist
★ MATT REALLY LIKES AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER, LIKE I HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN IT BUT I KNOW HE DOES.
★ Him and Katie learned Latin for kicks
★ Speaks fluent meme
★ **Drops one piece of candy on his room floor** “,,,,,,,,” **Kneels down to look for it**
★ 10/10 doesn’t know how to handle any crushes he has
- He realized he had a crush on Shiro with the “help” of Katie and Keith
- He tried to eat an entire jar of pickles afterwards
★ “Matt, you have a crush on my brother, admit it” “New glasses, who dis?”
★ “Shiro, when I was your age,,,,,,” “One day, you’re just not going to wake up.”
★ He somehow convinced Shiro to dress up as Watson while he was Sherlock
★ Hamilton’s number 1 fan
★ He spits out facts at random
- “Y’know Alexander Hamilton spelt Philadelphia wrong in our Constitution?”
- Katie, who has been running on 3 hours of sleep: please shut tf up
★ “You’re a little shit Matt” “Atleast I don’t quote Fairy Tail any chance i get”
★ Matt: THIS BITCH EMPTY
★ Katie, grabbing his backpack full of assignments from the Garrison: Y E E T
★ He hates coffee but will drink 5 cans of soda in an hour
★ “YOOOOO I TELL YOU WHAT I WANT WHAT I REALLY WANT” “SO TELL ME WANT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT” “I WANNA–”
- Sam Holt voice: Please,,,,just go to sleep”
★ He’s a Gryffindor
★ Someone bet him that he couldn’t eat 2 of the new Grand Macs
- He ate 4, Katie ate 5
- Everyone was impressed and low-key terrified
★ Shiro: bro take off your glasses
★ Matt: bro everything’s a blur
★ Shiro: that’s my life without you
★ Matt, tearfully: Bro…
★ Iverson: any questions?
★ Matt: Yeah, first of all, how dare you?
★ “Would you slap Katie for $2,000?” “I’d break both of Katie’s arms and my own leg for a small fry from McDonald's”
★ Shiro gave him one of his sweaters when it was cold out once
- Shiro hasn’t seen it since
★ He had an emo phase that lasted 2 months before he got tired of the eyeliner
- Katie likes to bring it up at the worst times
★ He’s covered in bandaids 90% of the time
- Most times it’s because he and Katie were fucking around while building smth
★ “The amount of uses for a dead horse is infinite” “Matt, honestly, just go to church”
★ His mind is just a constant loop of that scene in VeggieTales where the realized they didn’t have hands and just sadly looked at each other
★ “KATIE POKEMON PIDGEOTTO HOLT”
★ Mashed potatoes can and should fuck him up
★ Learned to play the kazoo for meme opportunity
★ Once burnt off one of his eyebrows from boiling water
★ Him and Katie do the handshake thing from Zack and Cody
★ Whenever someone asks to see a picture of Katie, he just pulls out a picture of Pidgey from Pokémon
- Matt: Isn’t she pretty?
★ He beat every island in poptropica
★ He can make really nice flower crowns nobody has questioned it
★ He talks with his hands a lot
- He’s hit Keith in the face more than once because of it
★ You know when it snowed in Egypt for the first time in years and that guy had that giant ass snowball and was gonna fucking dunk it on his friend?
- That’s Matt
★ He can dance?? Where did he learn it? Nobody knows
★ “Keith I came as soon as i heard! I can’t believe it I knew you two were close”
★“Wtf are you talking about?”
★“Punk is dead, Keith”
★ When the rumour that MCR was coming back you bet your ass Matt was ready to blast every song whenever he saw Keith
★ “I’m Matt, the radar technician”
★ He recreated BB-8 from Star Wars: The Force Awakens and cried
★ “Bitch, I am a gift of God, square up”
- Get it? Because Matthew means gift of God??
★ He can solve a rubix cube behind his back in under 35 seconds
★ If he laughs hard enough he’ll start snorting
- 50% of the time he won’t notice because he’s too busy laughing
- The other 50% he’ll stop and frown in disgust at his own snort
★ He found out Shiro poured his milk in before the cereal and kicked him out their dorm
★ Matt: Hey, Shiro, want to stay for dinner?
★ Colleen: Do you want to stay forever?
★ Iverson lowkey reminds him of Snape, so by default he just doesn’t like him
★ “Work, work!” “Matthew!”
“Work, work!” “Katherine!”
“The conspiracy theorists!”
★ Unlike his sister, he likes to garden and starts one in their backyard with their mom
★ Matt would totally force Shiro to cosplay Team Rocket for Halloween with Pidge being Meowth and Keith being an edgier version of Ash Ketchum
- Shiro as Jessie and Matt as James of course
★ He owns every pokemon game in existence
- Pokemon Snap was his shit when he was like 7
- He 360 noscoped the Pokemon with apples
★ Has read all of the Harry Potter books three times
★ He tried to teach Shiro how to dance
- They never finished though because neither of them could take the sexual tension
★ He was more into the galaxies and multiple universes part of space, while Katie was excited for the tech advances
- They were both 100% ready for aliens though
★ Shiro told him he couldn’t create the Marauders Map, so he did out of spite
★ Talked in nothing but Shakespeare for a day to piss off Katie
★ He loved ducktales
- Too bad he can’t see the reboot
★ Barbie and the 12 dancing princesses was his shit
★ When Katie was born, he brought a potato with him when he went to the hospital to compare the two
★ He always wore sweaters that didn’t quite fit him, so he could have Sweater Paws
★ There was a supposed ‘haunted’ house on his street, so him Katie and the Broganes all snuck out to investigate
- A window broke while they were in there
- Keith shapeshifted into Sonic and bolted, Katie started hysterically crying and laughing at the same time as she ran, and Matt jumped into Shiro’s arm and Shiro fuckin’ booked it
- They all agreed not to talk about it
★ Once in gym, a ball was about to hit someone in the face but instead of yelling “duck!” he yelled “dICK”
- To this day no one has let him live it down
★ Uses an absurd amount of emoticons when texting
★ 10/10 would meme again
★ Used the word “Yo” too many times to count
★ Tried to bury Katie underneath a bunch of snow when she was 10
★ He can’t swim
★ He’s cried during nearly every Disney and Pixar movie
[Read Part Two// Post-Kerberos! Matt HC here!]