“People ask me why I became a weightlifter. My dad took me to a weightlifting stadium when I was 10 years old, and I strangely liked the metallic smell of the barbell. That’s when I decided to become a weightlifter too. As a young player who made history, I grew up with weightlifting. I lifted and threw the barbell thousands of times, and I cut out calluses from my hands hundreds of times. I shed thousands of liters of sweat and tears and now, I’m about to go on stage.”
Please fire me. I work at an coffee shop near an Ivy League campus and these spoiled, rich students are generally terrible customers. And one time, a parent of one of these kids came in, and was digging around for the change for her coffee. When she realized she didn’t have it, she reached her slimy old hand into my tip jar and pulled out the change she needed!