1. the nypd puts out a sexy calendar for 2014. every month has a picture of detective bell in some state of undress. at least two months have pictures of detective bell posing shirtless while he cuddles a baby animal (kittens preferable, i have v. questionable relationship with puppies).
2. the nypd hosts sexy car wash or similar where detective bell washes down large metal objects that require much reaching around and/or possibly contorting himself (cars, trucks, playground equipment, i can name further suggestions if need be). preferably he will be wearing a v thin white t-shirt and the very short denim shorts colloquially known as daisy dukes but this uniform can be altered as per his comfort level.
3. the nypd sets up valentine’s day kissing booth and charges myriad prices for different levels of kissing detective bell. suggest $1 for peck on the cheek, $3 for peck on the lips, $5 for decent kiss on mouth (no tongue), $10 for slight tongue, $25 for deep kiss with tongue, and $50 for “making out.”
4. dear detective marcus bell: do you like me, please circle one: yes, yes of course, very much yes. sincerely yours, sherlock holmes.
5. detective marcus bell: in my less than humble opinion, we would make a most excellent partnership and it would be v v advantageous for both of us to explore the potential romantic and/or sexual dimensions of our relationship. are you free for dinner this week?
love sincerely yours, sherlock holmes (police consultant).
6. detective marcus bell: i like you please date me. love, sherlock holmes.