kicking arthur

someone: inception wasn’t the greatest. the concept was cool i guess but it was kind of bor-

me: so like, anyways! u know that scene where they’re in the hotel in the dream and eames is on the floor about to put the needle in his wrist—which he was totally capable of doing by himself by the way—and arthur just fuckin, comes over, gently takes eames hand and puts the needle in for him while eames lays back and smiles up at him and is like “security’s gonna run you down hard” and arthur smiles and shoots back “and i will lead them on a merry chase” and eames huffs and says “just be back before the kick” and arthur is like “go to sleep mr eames” like what the fuck? was that eames seriously telling arthur to be careful and to be safe??? was that arthur honestly smiling back at him and saying “of course, im going to be perfectly fine” like it sounds like a conversation they’ve had before? don’t even get me started on the “EAMES? he’s in mombasa!” honestly arthur how the fuck did you know that. HOW! why was there so much subtext, c nolan? i need answers it’s been 5 years i am tired

Hetalia In A Nutshell

England: France no

France: *GETS NAKED* FRANCE YES


Canada: America no

America: AMERICA YE- wait a minute, who are you?

Canada:

Canada: I’LL CHOP YOUR FUKKIN HEAD OFF I SWEAR ON ME GRANDMA


Germany, Austria and Hungary: Prussia no

Prussia: PRUSSIA YES


Everyone: Russia no

Russia: yes, da?


Germania: Holy Rome no

Ancient Roman Empire: I GOT THAT LATIN PASSION


America: Davie no

Davie: *dies*

America: Davie?


Spain: Romano no

Romano: *swears in Italian*


Seborga: Sealand and Wy, no

Sealand and Wy: SHUT THE FCUK UP IT’S NOT A PHASE


Turkey: Greece no

Greece: *herds the cat army* get rekt scrub


Finland: Sweden no

Sweden: …yea


China: Hong Kong no

Kong Kong: yo, wat up teach?


Pirate Spain, Prussia and France: England no

Pirate England: YAR HAR FIDDLE DEE DEE, WHERE’S THE BITCHES FOR ME


England: America no

America: FUCK OFF YOUR NOT MY BROTHER

England: *cries*


The Nordics: Denmark no

Denmark: VIKINGS

Happy Easter

“Gil, I told you before, I’ve told you half a dozen times, it’s Easter, and we’re going to church,” Arthur grumbled as Gilbert kept the bathroom door shut, keeping him out, and preventing him from showering, getting dressed- he was most certainly /not/ going to any sort of formal setting with stubble on his face, let alone a house of God. He knocked on the door again, feeling rather foul from the sweat that had arisen beneath the blankets the night before. Cold at night, warm in the morning, and sweltering come noon? Summer was knocking on the doors of spring, just as his own knuckles were rapping against the wooden frame, feeling more than a little peeved with his boyfriend, as he was forced to wait whilst his significant other, or /better/ half, as Gilbert so fondly called himself, took time doing whatever secret beauty regime went on behind closed doors.

“One minute!” Gilbert called from behind the door, readying his surprise. If Arthur still wanted to go to church after the show he was about to put on, then they were both going to need to go to confession that day. He dipped his finger into his tub of lip gloss, and ran the silky substance of glitter and strawberry seduction across his lips. Church? Oh yes, let him just go to a massive building with little to no air conditioning for two to four hours of his life that he would never get back, all so he could have some wizened old man tell him about how he was supposed to live his life while also telling him to empty his pockets. Boring, church was boring, an event filled with those that spoke of being holier-than-thou while judging behind their name brand pocket books. People who spoke of good deeds and giving to the poor, while sneering at the homeless on their own street corners. He wrapped up his hair in a towel, and threw one over his body, satisfied that his makeup was more than sufficient for tempting his religious boyfriend away from the ceremony, the farce, that he insisted they attend twice a year. “It’s all yours,” he said, as he stepped out of the bathroom, looking aside so that Arthur wouldn’t see his face. But it didn’t much matter- the green eyed man rushed in as soon as the way was clear - as Gilbert found his way to the bed made available.

Arthur was busy in the bathroom in a matter of moments, as the shower began to run for the second time that morning. Giving Gilbert time to make the bed with his military sharp edges, turning down the covers and plumping up the pillows. While Arthur had been raised Catholic, he more often than not attended the Protestant services. And with the imagery of three hundred people standing around him in close quarters, singing cheesy Christian songs at the top of their lungs while waving their hands in the air like drunken toddlers, he removed his towels, and folded them neatly, placing them on the bedside table before he pulled on his preferred method of celebrating the holiday. A black bunny suit, with a set of white cuffs for his hands, decorated with dark green cufflinks, to match the tie that was attacked to the white collar at his neck. His bodice was, admittedly, cheap, but tight enough that his bottom was on display, all the better for that white cotton tail at his lower back. The suit large enough that his pink nipples were covered, the same pink that was on his ears, thanks to his fluffy white headband. Beneath the black one piece he had on a set of mesh tights, for which he had spent most of his morning shaving his legs. He pulled on a pair of black high heels to complete the look, and posed himself on the bed, waiting for Arthur to emerge.

They wouldn’t make it to church that morning. Or even to the evening service. Not if Gilbert had anything to say about it. But as Arthur came out of the bathroom, still steaming and wet from his shower, those eyes told him that he didn’t have to say a thing.

OMG BLESS YOU HAPPY EASTER MOFO!!!

Incognizant

Title: Incognizant

Rating: G

AU: Human AU. Trans!talia.

Summary: Arthur finally gets the balls to come out to his boyfriend and Alfred is far more casual about it than he expected.

Read it on AO3, FF.net, or below the cut!

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Who We Are

Summary: When Mary stood there with her gun pointed at him, Arthur saw his end coming. Though he didn’t expect the way it did end for him.

Words: 1421

Characters: Arthur Ketch (mainly), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Mary Winchester, Castiel

Originally posted by oriley42

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak(pretty much)

A/N: This is my way of Ketch’s “end” where he doesn’t get killed but I won’t give away too much yet. Enjoy and buckle up for this ride of emotions.


The blood was boiling hot in Arthur. He knew they had Mary. He knew he shouldn’t have let her go on her own. She might have been one of the best hunters he had ever met, one of the best partners he ever worked with but she was not trained enough to take on multiple hunters.

Maybe they underestimated the American hunters. But that wasn’t even what had him furious the most. It was the fact that bloody Dean Winchester had him as well as Toni and after what he had done, he wasn’t sure what Toni would do to help them.

And he couldn’t risk losing Mary when she just started to be like him. When she just started to really be with him.

“Ketch, wait… don’t!” He heard Toni say when he pulled his knife after entering the bunker. She had them attached to a machine and Arthur knew too well what would happen if he didn’t step in right away. He couldn’t let that happen.

He couldn’t risk her turning against him. Before Toni could do anything, Arthur slit her throat, not caring about the way she struggled as he hurried over to the machine and turned it off. Dean slowly came back to his senses when Arthur ripped his cords away from him. Arthur would do anything in his power to keep Mary from going back to her sons. She belonged to him now.

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Stranger Unseen

Title: Stranger Unseen

Summary: Based off of the awful-au “I’ve been blind for my whole life and I came to this bar with my friends and while they were distracted you came up to me and said ‘do you have any idea how attractive you are?’ and I said ‘no’ because like seriously do you not see my white cane??” Arthur and his friend get interrupted when a stranger hits on him and misses a rather obvious attribute.

Rating: G - Humor

Read it on AO3,  FF.net, or below the read more !


“…And they were roommates! Can you believe that sort of deception? She turned right back around to my co-worker–I’ve told you about Linda, haven’t I?–and said-”

“‘Wow, she looks fat in that dress’,” Arthur finished, giving his companion an unimpressed gaze. “You’ve told me this story before, Francis. And she says that about everybody! You shouldn’t be too surprised.”

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Handfuls of Bliss

For @astrophysicks! I apologise for taking so long with this, I hope it’s alright! It does contain mpreg.

-/-

It’s unsurprising that an expectant Arthur is a handful. Alfred hadn’t been under the impression that pregnancy was going to be all glowing skin and excitement over those first baby kicks and helping Arthur take baths, or whatever, but it isn’t nearly as joyous as everyone makes it out to be.

Alfred loves Arthur like crazy, and he can’t wait to meet their unborn baby—he can’t wait, because the sooner Arthur isn’t pregnant anymore, the better.

Right now, Alfred’s been sentenced out of the house and not permitted back inside until he finds a way to suitably sate Arthur’s cravings, which is why the alpha finds himself yelling tiredly into the receiver at a McDonald’s drive-thru at four in the morning.

Arthur’s appetite has become pretty damn weird. It hadn’t been too noticeable in his first trimester but now, at eight months, Alfred’s stumbled upon Arthur eating toasted fruit loaf with mayonnaise and dipping orange segments into sour cream.

The omega always flushes and flaps when he’s caught and inevitably starts lecturing Alfred but the alpha always assures him that he doesn’t need to be ashamed. Though, internally, Alfred thanks whatever deities are out there that he was born an alpha—because hell no he never, ever wants to be a victim of pregnancy hormones.

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Fruk Demon and Warlock AU

Kinda like my last one but not as good so read and tell me what you all think. and if anyone knows how to make it a ‘keep reading’ link so i’m not showing this entire thing  to people who would prefer to skip over it


  “Don’t talk to me.”

    “….” Francis kicked him instead, staring straight ahead stubbornly when Arthur yelped and turned to glare at him.

    “If you didn’t insist on fucking everything up we wouldn’t be in this mess.” Arthur started to rant. “Y’know? Half the shit that happens is because of you, you have some serious issues. Why do I keep you around?” He asked the sky angrily and Francis just shrugged and sighed. There was no way he could respond after Arthur told him not to, so why did he keep asking him questions?

    “If it had just been me I wouldn’t have gotten caught because I know what I’m doing, can you say the same?” He growled out and Francis twisted to glare at him, ignoring the way the ropes chafed at his arms and chest.

    “Oh really? Because I remember a very dimwitted dumbass screeching in the pub, drunk off his ass, about witchcraft. Now whose fault was that? Because unlike some people I can hold my liquor. And I don’t insist on doing the stupidest thing I can think of because my lover’s annoyed. Which I should because, unlike in your case, my lover is always annoyed and angry.” He hissed and snapped his fanged teeth at him, Arthur not even flinching as he glowered back at him.

    “……………. Didn’t I tell you not to talk to me?”

    “I’m going to kill you, I’m going to rip your lungs out and watch you suffocate then I’m going to revive you so you can watch me feast on your soul before you go to hell!” Francis said venomously and Arthur laughed at that, like pure, head thrown back, shaking, laughter. He laughed for a good while as Francis sighed and relaxed against the bonds.

    Finally he stopped and smiled widely as his head came to rest on Francis’s shoulder.

    “So I’m forgiven then?” He asked, still breathless from laughter.

    “Of course you are.” Francis told him as he twisted and kissed his head with a smile.

    “So are you going to get us out of this or not?” He asked glancing behind them at the giant stake they were tied to.

    “I was thinking I’d let you do that, since you know what you’re doing.” He smirked evilly which only prompted Arthur to growl and stick his tongue out, only to pull it back in when Francis’s own forked tongue made an appearance. The Frenchman laughed and hid his tongue again.

    “I summoned you for a reason remember?” Arthur said grumpily into his ear.

    “I only came because I owed your brother or else you and would have never met.” Francis said right back stiffly. Arthur bit down on his bare shoulder in revenge.

    “And why do you stay?” he asked curiously and Francis sighed, loudly.

    “Because you’re a shitty witch that would die without me.” Francis said with a dramatic roll of his eyes as he glanced over at him.

    “Is that it?” Arthur pushed for answers, it wasn’t like they where going anywhere anytime soon.

    “You’re entertaining?” Francis tried with a confused look as he finally managed to jump out and away from the stake.

    “40 years with humans and you don’t get a thing do you? Now get me down now.” He snarled, wiggling against the stake.

    Francis’s sharp sword-like tail swished in the air behind him as he put a hand to his chin as if thinking.

    “Perhaps you should stay, teach you a lesson about pissing off demons and falling in love with them.” Francis stated as if conflicted, but his sharp blue eyes said the complete opposite. they were filled with laughter and amusement as he watched his ‘Master’ struggle against the pyre.

    “I’d say order me, but we both know that only works when we’re alone.” He grinned widely in a inhumane and unnerving way, a normal human’s lips couldn’t stretch that far.

    “When I die, I hope you cry because we’ll be stuck together for eternity and I’m going to spend every second making your life miserable.” Arthur declared kicking at Francis’s head the best he could.

    “Ah! Mon amour, you already do, it would only lead to more…. what is it you humans call it? Making love?”  He snickered as Arthur flipped him off and groaned loudly.

    “Can’t you just get over it?” Arthur asked with an irritated look, he wasn’t still pissed about earlier was he? He said he’d been forgiven so why was he still doing this… Oh… he wanted a real apology.

    “Fine! I’m sorry, I’m sorry I ditched you and flirted with other people that wasn’t for the sake of the job. I’m sorry I told you that demons don’t have feelings, and yes I’ll make it up to you tonight and not report back in until the day after tomorrow so you can do whatever you want with me, happy?” Arthur snarled but took a breath to clear his head and looked at the demon in front of him. Francis was a thousand times more a human than Arthur half the time, it was irritating to say the least. But, he concluded as he was cut down and caught in the strong arms of his demon, it did have the benefit or keeping Arthur on track and also… well… It’s not just demons that have feelings after all.

So when Francis kissed him later that night next to the fireplace, Arthur didn’t hesitate for a second in kissing back. Francis was his demon and he was Francis’s warlock. It was how they worked, as insane as it seemed. They weren’t going to question something as rare as love in this world, just take it and be happy.

A Kingdom for Two

More kid!omegaverse. Kudos for the fact that the title’s more than one word this time. 

This is @mamin-the-troll ‘s fault because she decided to be cute and make this, her inktober day #8 entry, which is the inspiration to this entire fic! I’d been meaning to write her something for a long time, besides the fic she requested, as a gift for her sticking around and being one of the greatest friends I could ever ask for ;w; thank you so much <3

(This is also why I’d been interrogating you about your favorite AUs and stuff this week hehe, ninja-present time!)


Arthur was crying.

Little muffled sniffles into the sleeves of his pajamas, cheeks flushed pink to the tip of his nose- Alfred never saw him this bad before! His dad told him crying was something omegas did a lot, and that it was an alpha’s job to make them feel safe and warm.

Alfred wasn’t an omega though, and he always cried when he fell. His dad would just yell at him for it, and that didn’t feel safe and warm at all. The only help he got was his mom, an omega, who’d pick him up, dust him off and wipe his tears away with the corner of her sleeve. Then she would make him cookies and kiss him where it hurt until he was all better.

That, Alfred decided, was exactly what he was going to do.

He was going to make it better.

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ectoimp:

I blame you for a Mer!Arthur kick lol
So i had to draw the fish boi again

(Oh my godd look at that cutie!! I will take full responsibility for him he’s adorable!)

utnapishtims  asked:

Kicks down Arthur's door. "Holy Blade Wielder! I have finally come to claim your head, prepare yourself to become rust on my blades! I, the king, have decreed I shall take your life on this very day, this very hour!" Well, more like he's just utterly bored and Arthur's just a victim of circumstance.

Pauses in the middle of what he was doing.

“…Archer. I am trying to cook. You never intrude in the kitchen when the chef is at work.”

Beat.

“…What, were you raised in a barn? Close the door. Air conditioning is expensive; you’re letting all the cool air out. It’s summer, you know.”