kick the j

I’m not super into Ford/Oracle, (truly speaking, almost everyone can do better than Ford for a boyfriend, and this is coming from a die-hard fiddauthor shipper), but I’ve been slightly skeeved out by everyone calling her his “space mom” for a number of reasons.

1. Ford was a grown ass man when he met her, please stop with that infantilizing bullshit.

2. Can we, as a fandom, stop assigning female characters with the task of caretakers for grown ass men please? It is super sexist and gross.

3. Ford… has a mom? Like, we saw her and she existed. She had a shitty husband but she herself seemed an okay mom.

4. Either side of the debate, Jeheslbraum is a mysterious figure hinted to know a vast amount of world building information about the cosmic deities of the GF universe, could we kindly get some meta about her that doesn’t revolve around Ford Please and Thank You Very Much.

Someone talking crap about you? Eat them. Someone’s spewing hateful things and pretending it’s “just a joke bro! a prank dude”? Roast them and eat them. Someone abuses you? Cool then slowly to a tender medium-rare, then eat them (A1 sauce optional).


((Don’t actually eat people but if someone is abusing you PLEASE contact someone and get out. You’re a lovely, lovely being, and you deserve happiness.)) -Mod K

Taken - Part Nine

Joker x The Reader

WARNING: SMUT

Hello everyone! Yes I know, long time, no imagine. School has just been kicking my butt lately so I’ve had no time to write :( But as promised, here is a new smutty part of Taken. Enjoy ;) xoxo -S

___________________________


As predicted, you and Frost are greeted by head turns from customers of the club in line as you walk straight past them to the front door. You’re greeted by a large built bodyguard wearing all black.

“Evening, Mr. Frost,” his loud voice bellows. He holds his left hand out to the people standing in line and pulls the front door open for the two of you.

“Good evening, Mark,” Frost states back to him.

Both of you walk through the doors and are greeted by the loud, pulse pumping music blaring throughout the club. Frost puts his hand to his left ear and tilts his head downward.

“Boss, we have arrived,” Frost states into a hidden microphone you could not see anywhere. He pauses for a few seconds before chuckling and saying “Copy that. We will be up in a minute.”

You look at him, slightly curious as to what J said. Frost smiles and chuckles again.

He tilts his head downward to your left ear and states quietly, “He told me that I can look, but I can’t touch.”

You smile slightly, loving how J gets possessive over you. You love feeling wanted by him.

Frost leads you up a black spiral staircase well hidden in the corner of the club. When you reach the top of the stairs, you walk down a hallway to approach a dark mahogany door at the end of it. You notice a gold plate on the door that states “The Joker.” Frost knocks twice on the door.

“Come in.” You hear a deep, raspy muffled voice through the door way. Frost opens the door and motions his arm, showing you in.

You step in and take a moment to inspect J’s office. You were standing on hardwood floors accented by red area rugs. There are a few red chairs and sofas to the left and right of the room, and in the middle is a large dark mahogany desk with gold accents, with a red chair in front of the desk and a matching dark leather chair behind the desk faced away from you. Just then the chair spins around and reveals the clown prince himself.

He makes eye contact with you and a puckered O shape takes over his mouth.

“Oooh, company,” he growls, standing up from his chair. He is wearing a dark red button down dress shirt with black pants. His gold chain reflects slightly in the dim warm light.

“Thank you, Frost,” he says. Frost nods back to him and leaves, shutting the door behind him.

He walks around the desk and approaches you, putting his hands on your waist and then kissing you on the cheek.

“You look beautiful, baby girl,” he says, still holding you, flashing his silver smile.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” you smile back, giggling. It was true. His chiseled features and bright smile can make you go weak in the knees in a split second.

“Well what do ya think?” He asks, spreading his arms out, spinning around and taking in his office.

“It’s.. really, really nice, J,” you say, walking around, also basking in awe at how classy his office was. You walk towards his desk and then sit down in his office chair playfully. He turns around and notices you and you bite your lip.

“Wow, I really don’t know how you get any work done in such a cozy office,” you flirt, putting your feet on his desk and crossing them at the ankle. You notice your dress rise up your thigh slightly, teasing The Joker.

“And I can’t get any work done with such a dime sitting in my chair,” he growls. You chuckle.

“Feet. Down.” He states playfully.

“You gonna come over here and tell me that?” You taunt, playfully biting your lip.

He walks over to the desk and you do not budge. He grabs your left ankle followed by your right ankle and places the on the floor. He traces his fingers up your legs from your ankles to your thighs, spreading your legs.

“Baby girl is being naughty tonight. You know what happens when she doesn’t follow the rules,” he growls.

“Why don’t you show me?” You whisper.

He then takes the bottom of your red dress and hikes it over your thighs to your stomach. He grabs your black lace thong and slowly brings it down your legs and you lift your feet out of it, your wet center exposed. J purrs and spreads your legs out even further.

J then goes in and starts circling your clit with his tongue and a warm rush of pleasure encompasses your body. You groan as you arch your back in his chair and grasp the arm rests.

“Holy fuck, J,” you breathe out and you take his head in your hands, your fingers toying with his bright green hair.

He flicks his tongue against your clit fast and you can feel your orgasm start to build.

“Right there, right there, J. Oh my god, I’m going to cum,” you say. Just then your orgasm dwindles when you hear a knock on the office door.

“Boss?” You hear Frost’s voice outside the door. You look down at J, not knowing what to do.

He flashes his smile up at you and then goes to hide underneath his desk where the opening is and pulls your chair into him, so it looks like you’re sitting as his desk.

“I-I-” you stutter, and J interrupts you.

“Let. Him. In.” He growls lowly.

“Uh, c-come in,” you yell. Frost opens the door and looks around the room.

“Where’s Mr. J?” He asks.

Just then, J places two fingers in you and starts thrusting in and out of you while simultaneously flicking his tongue against your clit. The insane amount of pleasure grasps your body, making it almost impossible to give Frost an answer.

“Uh, he uh, went down to the bar to get us some drinks,” you stammer out. That was the only thing that you were able to manage to say.

“Ah, okay,” Frost says, “sorry to bother you Miss (Y/N).” You smile graciously at him, grinding your teeth while J is still fingering you. Frost then leaves and shuts the door behind him.

“You fucker,” you breathe, looking down at J. He then pushes your chair away from the desk and crawls out from the opening. He picks you up from the chair and you wrap your legs around his torso. He then lays you down on top of his desk. You unwrap your legs from him.

He pulls down the top of your red dress followed by your black bra, exposing your breasts. He cups one in his hand while he simultaneously toys with the nipple on the other one with his tongue. You moan out and grip the desk with your hands. He kisses your nipple wetly and then proceeds to pull down his pants and his boxers, freeing his huge erection.

He moves closer to you and you feel his tip and your entrance. He grabs his dick and moves the head up and down your dripping center from your clit to your entrance, teasing you.

“Oh my god, please fuck me,” you say, aching for him.

“Fuck me, who?” He toys.

“Please fuck me, daddy,” you plead.

J then thrusts into you, causing you to cry out in pleasure. He rams into you while you wrap your legs around his still clothed torso. He then licks his right hand and begins rubbing your clit hard and fast while he continues to thrust into you.

“Fuck yes,” you breathe. You can feel your second orgasm building inside you.

“God J, keep going, I’m going to cum!” You scream.

You release your dripping orgasm, which was enough to send J over the edge as well. You can feel him fill inside you and both of you ride out your orgasms before J pulls out slowly. He traces his dick along your clit, which causes your legs to shake from the extreme sensitivity.

He grabs your arms that were still clutching to the desk and pulls you to sit up on the desk. He helps you fix your bra and dress before he puts his boxers and pants back on. You stand up and pull down your dress. You begin looking on the floor for your panties when J kicks them to the side. You look at him, confused.

“Those…. can stay here,” he smirks. He grabs your ass and walks you to the office door.

“Time to greet everyone,” he says. He places his arm out and you wrap your arm around his.

@i-am-damnjam

The Joker x Reader - “SALLY”

Nobody knows why the Joker keeps on calling you Sally and you answer to it. Are you two in a weird mood again? Playing games? Messing around? Better not to ask any questions if one wants to stay alive.

Frost has the flu. It started three days ago and got worse today so you ordered him to stay in bed. He had a bunch of things assigned from his boss but you convinced your boyfriend to give him a break. You really don’t want to talk about what it took to get J’s approval, but it involves a very wild previous night, the sofa in the living room and the couch on the balcony, handcuffs, two lingerie outfits and ice cream. 

Needless to say the Joker is not happy you are so doting with Jonny.

“Are you dying Frost?” he growls from the armchair, watching you touch your best friend’s forehead and cheeks to assess his fever.

“No, sir,” he turns his head towards a displeased Prince of Crime.

“Would you like to?” the question comes and you sigh, regretting taking J with you into Jonny’s quarters. Not that you could have said no since he followed you closely.

“No, Mister J,” Frost replies, pulling away from you because he realizes he’s walking on thin ice without even doing anything.

“Then stop touching my woman!” J barks, pointing his finger towards you two.

“Baby, I’m touching him, OK?” you state your evident action, not looking his way because it makes it worse; you don’t want to encourage this behavior.

“Tech-ni-ca-li-ties,” the Joker grumbles, his blue eyes burning.

“Take this, it’s for body ache,” you hand over 3 Ibuprofen capsules to Frost with a glass of water, hoping J will calm down. You feel the intensity of his gaze even if your back is turned. The gun clicks and you decide to finally glare at your boyfriend.

“Would you like another body ache, Frost? A more… permanent one?” the words echo in the bedroom, louder and louder since he’s annoyed and his wrecked temper is starting to show more and more.

“Stop it, baby!” you frown, stepping in front of the gun. “He’s sick and I’m merely taking care of him.”

J inhales, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds, deliberating on his next step and lowers his pistol, placing it back in the holster.

Frost wants to reply but instead you talk again:

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how pissed are you J?”

You always use the scale to have an idea about how mad the Joker is.

“About a 5,” he sniffles, scratching his arm.

“We’re doing good then!” you cheerfully conclude and go over to kiss your boyfriend as a reward he’s only a 5 even if it seemed it was much worse. J purrs and squeezes you tight in his arms, glad his possessiveness and jealousy dictate the mood around there.

Jonny begins to cough his lungs out and J reaches for his gun but you stop his hand and placing it around your waist again.

“Noooo, don’t do that,” you continue to kiss him and peck his lips, then his eyes, then his cheeks all over.

“But why does he have to interrupt, Princess?” J complains, pulling you in his lap and enjoying you pampering and showering him with kisses.

“He’s just sick, baby,” you whisper in his ear, then kiss his neck and… Frost won’t stop coughing and he feels so weird when you two converse like he’s not even there but he’s used to it. After such a long time, Jonny knows it’s part of your strategy.

“I think I’m getting to a 7!!” J angrily admits and you quickly get up, taking his hand and urging him to get up.

“Oh, no, please don’t get to a 7! We’re going, Jonny! I’ll be back later to check up on you,” and you drag your boyfriend out before he completely loses his shit.

********************

“Y/N!!!!!! Y/N!! Hey, Kitten! Com’ere!” he yells so you can hear him from downstairs.

“What is it?” you rush to see what’s going on.

“Doll, I think I have a hair growing on my arm!” he shows you the spot by the Bat tattoo.

“Where?” you bring your eyes really close so you can investigate and there is actually something there. “Oh my God, baby, you’re growing hair on your body?!” you panic and it doesn’t help the fact that he’s already displeased to the maximum by the situation.

“Dammit, woman, you’re making it worse!” The Joker mutters, aggravated to the point of having a tantrum, urging you to bring the tweezers so you can pluck out the culprit.

You don’t move and really have to let him know:

“I really love you but if you start growing hair on your body I’ll have to find me another man; I don’t like hairy guys,” and you lift your shoulders up to emphasize you mean it. Oooooh, that was the wrong thing to say, even if it’s not true.

J instantly snaps and the only solution to the perturbation is to inquire:

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how pissed are you baby?”

“Between 7 and 8!” he shouts back, tossing his cane to the ground and stepping on it, mad beyond control, and you know you’re the next to pay but you’re in luck:

“Wanna have angry sex?” you smirk, relieved (when he’s angry between 7 and 8 you can usually calm him down with sex).

“Yeah!!” J turns his attention towards you, slamming you on the kitchen counter and starting to rip your clothes off.

Dodged the bullet there, thank goodness he didn’t reach a 9.

It also turned out it was false alarm: no hair, just a faded shade of black pen marking, probably from when he was tracing locations on Gotham’s map and didn’t realize he touched his skin with it. At least you had a huge smile on your face for the rest of the day because… did he go crazy on you or what?! And you totally enjoyed it.

*********************

The Joker hates that you and Frost have your thing: you have your jokes, your stories and all the little things only the two of you know about since you are best friends. Sometimes it only takes one word and you know what the other is talking about. The King of Gotham never had a thing with anybody and it makes him hold a grudge against your friendship. He knows there is nothing going on between you and Jonny that way but it doesn’t make him less discontent.

You are aware of it because your boyfriend told you about it once when he was a 6 on the mad scale. You were fighting and in the heat of the moment he threw that in your face; you didn’t really have a comeback afterwards since you didn’t know how to handle it. That’s why you are determined to find a thing that only you and him can have. So far, no luck.

*********************

** When you showed up at the penthouse with your left cheek all cut up, things escalated faster than expected. You broke into Van Criss laboratories to extract a new toxin J wanted to sell on the black market and got ambushed. After a chase, lots of shooting, a knife fight and your face slashed in the process, you barely made it out of there. You wanted to make The Joker proud so you sneaked in at night alone, didn’t take any henchmen with you. Not the best idea you ever had.**

He keeps on furiously pressing the cuts, attempting to stop the bleeding.

“Fuck, Kitten, what the hell were you thinking?!” He rarely cusses like this so you know it’s not a good sign. J is not being gentle and it stings sooooo bad when the rubbing alcohol is being poured on your fresh wounds.  You want to cry badly but you’ve read somewhere that a person looks 11.33% uglier when they cry and you can’t afford that right now with your left cheek a mess.

“I-I’m sorry,” you whimper, trying to hold the tears in, clinging to his white shirt that has your blood all over. “I-I got what you wanted though,” you stutter, closing your eyes really tight since the pain won’t stop.

“Do I really care about that right now?!” J kicks your leg and it makes you jump. “Who did this to you?” he snarls, patching and covering with gauze whatever he can, fully aware you’ll have scars after this solo adventure of yours.

“A-a guard, “ you bury your face in his chest since he’s done. “Am I… am I gonna be ugly now?!” you sound so desperate it makes him more enraged.

“Nobody does this to my Pumpkin!” The Joker reckons with a clenched jaw. “I have to gather our men, we’re going on a mission!”

“Where are you going?” you ask with a muffled voice, still taking refuge in his arms, worried at his impulsiveness. He ignores you and caresses your hair, absent minded. You feel his body getting stiff and have to ask:

“Ummm…on a scale of 1 to 10, how pissed are you baby?”

“A 12!!!” J angrily exclaims, pushing you away and storming out the door, slamming everything in his way towards the exit.

You are left alone in the middle of the living room, patched up in bloody bandages; you even forgot to cry: a 12??!!! What is a 12??!! How do you handle it?! It’s not even on the scale!!! It makes you hysterical: what is The Clown Prince of Crime going to do?!

Well, The Van Criss lab location you were at earlier tonight got blown up to pieces: it’s all over the news. There was not a single wall or pole left standing, no survivors.( At least so far they didn’t find any). The only clue that might tell the authorities what happened was found on the concrete fence near the South entrance: a laughing mouth, full of teeth, painted with neon green spray and the inscription on top of it: “Nobody messes with my girl!”

******************

Your face healed and The Joker was right: you have deep scars ingrained in your skin. You thought you will hate your new appearance but actually kind of like it: it suits you. J believes it makes you look badass and that’s more than good enough for you.

The best compliment he found so far is telling you that you don’t look as bad as Deadpool.
Thank you, honey; you know how to make a girl feel special. T____T

J insisted to give you a face tattoo on top of your scars to make them look better: black stitches with small bows at each end. You were very skeptical about the whole project but the King of Gotham is not used to take no for an answer.

You analyze everything in the mirror and have to admit J did a good job: the tattoo is a success! Plus, you can always cover it with make up if you really want to.

You trace the lines with your fingers and …idea!!!

“J!! J!!!” you land on top of him since he’s in bed, watching TV.
“Hmm?” he pretends not to notice you’re almost naked.

“What do these scars remind you of?”

“Ummm…. Deadpool?” he teases and you punch his shoulder, pouting.

“You’re incorrigible!”

“I know, but tell me anyway, Kitten,” he slaps your butt, winking at you with that evil smile on his lips.

“Guess!”

“My answer is the same unless you enlighten me Doll,” The Joker purrs, shifting so he’s on top of you.

You reach for his cell and Google something really fast then show him on the screen:

Sally from Nightmare before Christmas, baby! My scars almost look like hers,” you excitedly indicate and he chuckles. “I can be your Sally,” you toss the phone at the end of the bed, wrapping your arms around his neck. “This will be our thing: I’m your stitched girlfriend; what do you think?”

Him staring at you without blinking makes you nervous. Oh, no, is this taking a bad turn?

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how pissed are you J?” you sigh, disappointed your idea got dismissed.

“Zero,” J mumbles, roughly kissing you. “Daddy likes his new Sally,” he snickers, delighted he finally has a thing with somebody. That somebody being his girlfriend makes it even better.

“Really? You mean it?” you pull on his bottom lip and J purrs louder.

“Yes, I mean it; now lets get my new Doll out of these rags.”

********************

Nobody knows why the Joker keeps on calling you Sally and you answer to it. Are you two in a weird mood again? Playing games? Messing around? Better not to ask any questions if one wants to stay alive. After all, nobody dares to upset the Clown Prince of Crime and his Sally. It could easily escalate to a full blown 12 again.

And 12 is not even on the damn scale!

Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

also the girl that i saw deh with is. not familiar with theatre ,,etiquette? so ben comes up to stage left and we’re third row stage left like he literally is spitting on us. and we’re like shookedth and she goes “i lowkey wanna take a picture of this” and i give her this face like ?? n she goes “what” and im like “that’s illegal” and she goes “you’re lying” SHE WAS DEAD SERIOUS I LITERALLY ALMSOT BURST OUT LAUGHING

anonymous asked:

Hi!! I just found your blog and I love it❤️ I was wondering if i could get a BTS reaction to their gf coming home late one night with cuts and bruises but it turns out that she loves street fighting and is really good at it? Thanks!

Namjoon: To say he was alarmed when you walked through the door with bruises and cuts littering your body would be an understatement. He was downright panicking, though he tried to keep his voice steady and calm as he asked you what you’d been up to. When you told him you loved streetfighting and it was a hobby of yours, his eyes got wide and his mouth parted slightly.

“You are officially the coolest person Y/N.”

He wouldn’t stop you from fighting, but he would learn how to best tend your wounds. He may even come watch you…

Originally posted by joonjuly

Jin: He would immediately begin asking you questions. What happened? Why did it happen? Why didn’t you call him? Are you okay? You tried your best to answer him, finally pulling him in for a gentle kiss to get him to shut up. When you told him you liked streetfighting and that you were really okay, that you never let it go too far, he relaxed slightly, pulling you for a gentle hug.

“My Y/N’s a badass.”

Originally posted by bangtannoonas

Suga: He sat up from his spot on the couch when he saw you walk through the door with bruises scattered across your face and cuts lining your knuckles. His first question was “What the actual hell Y/N?” 

Even after you explained that you loved streetfighting and were really good at it, he was worried you’d get severely injured. He knew you could take care of yourself though, so in the end he grudgingly agreed to come watch you fight some time. 

“You better kick the other guy’s ass…”

Originally posted by nnochu

J-Hope: He was incredibly worried when he saw the bruises and cuts on all visible patches of skin. His first thought was that you’d been mugged but then he remembered seeing your bag hanging on the chair. If Y/N wasn’t mugged… then what happened? He thought.

When you explained to him that you were a streetfighter, it didn’t put him at ease in any way. Now that he knew this wasn’t a one time event, he was incredibly worried you’d get severely hurt. You had to convince him that you’d done this before the the worst you’d suffered was a broken finger and a bloody nose before he warmed up to the idea.

“Yeah… yeah… you’re the best fighter! I’d hate to be the other guy.”

Originally posted by yngissi

Taehyung: Initially, he would mad at himself for not walking you back to your place all those times due to schedules. What he thought was that you were jumped and that you could have been jumped all those times he’d let you walk home alone. When you told him that you were someone who enjoyed streetfighting, his guilt eased and he gave you his big smile in return. In his eyes, you were even more fearless and self sufficient than before you’d told him…

“That’s so cool! I’m making you kill all the spiders from now on Y/N.”

And he means it…

Originally posted by taedamn

Jimin: When he sees the black eye you’re currently sporting, he’s shocked. He could tell you’d tried to conceal it, but the dark purple color was still very visible. You simply gave him a weak smile, inviting him in and telling him how you’d gotten the black eye but that, other than a few other cuts and bruises, you were fine. He didn’t seem convinced until you told him that it hadn’t been your first time fighting. 

“So that means… you’re like that one kid from The Karate Kid? That’s so cool!”

Originally posted by bwipsul

Jungkook: The most supportive one tbh… At first, he would be alarmed, thinking you had been jumped. After you told him that you were a streetfighter, however, his eyes would brighten and his mouth would fall open in childlike shock. 

Honestly, he’d beg you to teach him a few moves and he’d secretly watch you streetfight, getting super into it and betting money that you’d win. Most of the time, he made a profit from those bets.

“I can’t believe you do this. This is the coolest thing in the world!”

Originally posted by hohbi

+ Admin Hannah