keys to the abyss

Emergent Qabalah

The c-ov-n is emergent magick. Springing from the roots of chaos magick, this is magick that developed and evolved through ritual practice. Not intellectually conceived, but rather received.

The system of the c-ov-n has flowered from the emergence of the Process Tree. The first seeds of this work were planted in 1998. When studying the Qabalah and the Tarot as presented by Aleister Crowley, the mind rejected it. There was seen a brilliance obscured by too many obscurities, overburdened with syncretic associations. It was clear that the best way forward to study the Qabalah was to not study the Qabalah, but rather water this minimal brilliant seed and see how it developed of its own accord. After years of work, the process tree system of thee c-ov-n is the result.

Any true student of this work must likewise work with this system and come to their own understanding of it. There are brilliant flashes of insight throughout its structure. The only way to pluck this fruit is to make it your own. Hesitate not at all to reject or reform any aspect or correspondence. My own experience has taught me that there are many alternate forms of this emergent structure, each of which may be of use and have its own hidden treasure. What is presented here is what has been found in my own exploration to be the most useful configuration.

The word “Qabalah” is used due to the obvious debt this system owes to other systems of Qabalah, particularly the Hermetic Qabalah and Aleister Crowley’s work in particular. However, this system and its emergent method mark a deliberate break with traditional Qabalah. We have no regard for whether the system presented here either elucidates the meaning of any other system of Qabalah or contradicts it. The lack of correspondences such as the Hebrew alphabet and astrological associations are deliberate. Practitioners are invited to add these, or other correspondences into the system or not as they find useful.

Negative Existence and Chaos, the Divine Fire

Existence happens because non-existence is unstable.

The nature of non-existence can be understood in three steps. Nothingness means no-thing-ness. “No”, negation, is the key to understanding.  The nature of Nothing can only be approached by stripping away all concept of what it is. Nothing is not anything, nor is it void, nor is it not void. Following this spiral of negation we approach an understanding that nothing is in no way limited. The nature of pure non-being is identical with all being, even all contradiction, asserting itself into being simultaneously.

This is the principle of chaos. It is the divine spark of creation. The light that flashes out of void and defines the void in its light. Its spark may immediately flash and go out, or it may take such a form that it gives rise to the next step.

Creation as Process

If what is asserted into being by Chaos is incomplete then it leaves a gap for further creation to follow on. What is created is not a statement, but a question begging for an answer. All creation as we experience it is essentially incomplete, this is the first part of the flow of time. A chain of creation can now manifest, a process of incompleteness following incompleteness. This flow is the divine principle of water.

In this step the emergent tree shows us its mode of budding, one sphere gives rise to a second sphere. The first path also emerges here. This is the path of the fool and the nature of the fool is evident in this process of endlessly moving forward into the unknown.

Process Creates Pattern 

The continuation of the process gives rise to a pattern. The run of the process can be collected in its entirety in the statement of the pattern it produces. In a simple sequence of 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + … we can simply assert the number the process has reached. This is the divine principle of air, the result of the interaction of divine fire and water.

This step shows us the second mode of emergence, splitting. Both the sphere and its path is split. These are numbered sequentially with split paths numed first.

From the General to the Particular

Within the complexity of Pattern arise emergent phenomena. The game of chess lays out only the rules by which the pieces move and how the game is won, it does not dictate a strategy, and yet some moves are proven better than others. See also Conway’s Game of Life. This manifestation is the principle of earth.

Note that we orient a compass with North down and East to the left, we find this is the classic orientation of the elements used in many rituals such as the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram. Elements with opposing complementary aspects are across from each other on central paths.

This is now creation within creation, we move into the next level of the tree. The fourth sphere has budded from the first. It is numbered first by counting number and then by sequence of prime number. A new rule is also established here. The numbering of the paths will not exceed the sequence of the corresponding prime number of the sphere.

We also see here the first interesting numerical pattern, a symmetry of paths that all add to 5: 0+5, 1+4, 2+3. This is the first of many such patterns.

The Descent of Fire to Earth

If the process of creation will now continue in this level, creation must necessitate destruction. This is simply the same process as before, chaos sparking creation into the world, but now it is disruptive to what was there previously. This is the fundamental nature of the force of Will, though it has not yet attached itself to an agent.

This fifth sphere emerges by splitting from fourth. The path marked “6″ splits from “3″ along with it. A new symmetry of sums appears: 9 = 6+3 = 2+7 = 4+5.

If we twist the bottom of the fifth step of the process tree we find it corresponds to the classic elemental configuration of the pentagram:

The fifth process tree is the pentagram. I have written in depth about this previously, though not in relation to the tree.

The Agent, or Higher Self, The Descent of God

In the next step of creation the emerging tree provides a process for the flow from chaos to act within being. As the numbering of the paths may not exceed the next prime number, 11, we see that paths “3″ and “6″ follow the budding of the sixth sphere.

If we again twist the configuration of the tree by swapping the positions of spheres 2 and 3 we obtain an elemental formulation for the averse pentagram:

In these preceding diagrams much can be said regarding the “crossing of the abyss” and the concept of “Daath”. For the moment we shall say but a little. Indeed, as is widely known, the self must be annihilated in this upwards movement. If that is achieved, the pentagram is attained. To move further Will and Intent must be reconciled, the tree not merely climbed, but reversed in its evolution. In a final crossing it is none of the obvious paths which holds the key because the paths normally seen crossing the abyss are produced after the abyss manifests. It is rather path “3″, labeled “The Hermit” that holds this secret, the secret which can only be spoken with silence.

Sense and Perception

The agent, if not complete unto itself, leaves a gap where again further manifestation may appear. This is now experienced by the agent. Perception is the continuing process creation manifesting. This perception is both raw sense as well as emotional reaction.

Thought and Memory

The counterpart to sense is memory as the counterpart . From sensation there is now internal representation, a map-making mind.

There is a shifting of the elemental association at this point. Water in many workings is to do with feeling and emotion while air stands for thought. The symbols of The Process and the Psychick Cross suit for the spheres above.

As this sphere splits its prime is 17. The path numbering trails by two, but the number 17 manifests in many symmetrical path sums: 15 + 2, 14 + 3, 11 + 6, 12 + 5, 13 + 4. Perhaps even the pairs of 7+10 and 8+9 should be admitted.

Desire and Attachment

The world is made manifest by desire. Desire is a product of thought, where a memory or mere concept can drive behavior. It is yearning for the ten thousand things and it is desire which continues the flow of creation to the manifestation of the world.

Objective Manifestation

Through desire the world is made manifest. This is a basic formula of magick, desire must be manipulated, lust of result eliminated, in order to have power to manifest results.

In the sequence of primes, 23 emerges into manifest reality. The number 23 also manifests in another intriguing way. One of the numerical patterns that appears in the tree is the wandering sum. These are consecutive expanding chains of path numbers that add up to the same value. 23 = 11+12 = 16 + 7 = 18 + 5 = 21 + 2.

In this step we now have a tree that resembles the traditional tree in Qabalah. This was not the goal of this work. Consistent attempts were made to manifest this tree into a different form with different path structure, but the mathematical patterns forced this structure as the most stable. We cannot help but wonder whether these patterns of primes were not a secret of the original design.

Subjectivity, Manifestation of Self

Presented here with the top spheres twisted, we now move beyond traditional Qabalah, breaking the tenth vessel and revealing the eleventh. This is manifest subjectivity. It’s emergence can be connected to the dawning of the new aeon. It manifests in the philosophy and science from existentialism to the role of the observer in quantum mechanics. It is the self that is made manifest in mindfulness meditation.

The state of being represented in the eleventh sphere is one that is not uncommon, but is difficult for the unpracticed to maintain. The chaotic energy of manifestation has difficulty making it this far down the tree. Working at higher levels on the tree can clear channels to move more energy down more consistently. The goal is not retreat from manifestation, but rather complete manifestation in the world and beyond it.

With the manifestation of the subject, the wandering sum 23 now completes its ascent and descent.

Beyond Subject and Object

Beyond the manifestation of subject there is that which remains. The goal is to fully manifest the subject and then transcend that as well. This is the full manifestation of the Aeon.

This is prime 31. Marked up the middle of the three are symmetrical path sums to 31: 24 + 7, 23 + 8, 15 + 16. Together these sum to 93. The form of the cross paths also evokes the image of the psychick cross.

Shown here, the twelfth emergent process tree is labeled with suggested path names, borrowing heavily from the Thoth tarot, while diverging from it primarily at the bottom of the tree. Such a tarot deck would consist of 93 cards: 12 * 4 = 48 numbered suit cards, 4 * 4 = 16 court cards, and 29 trumps numbered 0 to 28. A prototype of such a deck sits beside me now.

2

Tsukishima ‘trying to be smooth’ Kei for once won the flirting with Kuroo ‘too deep in love’ Tetsurou.

A quick self indulgent doodle after I finished commission today. I’m so excited for Kurootsukki week!! Let’s start next year with these volleyball dorks! 

there is a difference
between wanting nothing
and not wanting anything.

the first is a longing
for the kind of absolution only
death can buy / a desperation for
the end because the in-between is
cruel and you are so tired.

you live your life
around nothing, until ‘nothing’
becomes a boy with a jigsaw past and an
attitude problem / until 'nothing’ becomes
palms pressed to the back of shivering
necks / until it becomes yes or no and always
and stay and a key traced into skin.

'nothing’ ceases to be an abyss, forgets
how to be void / 'nothing’ keeps you warm
at night, 'nothing’ holds you steady,
'nothing’ trusts you, 'nothing’ begins to love you.

nothing becomes many things.
and for once?
you want everything.


l.s. | NOTHING HOLDS YOU STEADY (LIKE HE DOES) © 2016

Lords of Cinder: Farron’s Undead Legion, the Abyss Watchers

This warrior culture of Abyss-hunting badasses is unique in that there is no singular Lord of Cinder among them. All those who aspire to join the ranks of the Legion must undergo a ceremony, as explained by Hawkwood. “The Undead Legion of Farron is a caravan of Undead. Sworn by the wolf’s blood to contain the Abyss, the Legion will bury a kingdom at the first sign of exposure. Joyous bunch, really. Gaining admission to the Legion is a matter of some ceremony. Inside their keep, snuffing out the flames of three altars opens the door to the wolf blood. Even accursed Undead want to believe they’re special, it seems. I pity the sorry souls.” (Hawkwood’s Dialogue). Before I get too far into all of it, I’ll go ahead and pose the three questions.


1. What is their story?


2. Why did they abandon their thrones?


3. Why did they link the fire?


To fully understand the story of the Legion, one must hearken back the Legend of Artorias. Certain facts in this tale shed much light upon the Legion’s origins and purpose.


Long ago, in a town shadowed by the great walls of Anor Londo, a great darkness began to spread. The Primordial Serpent Kaathe taught the town’s Four Kings the art of Lifedrain, a dark magic that allowed Humanity to be leeched from the residents. The Four King’s became corrupt. A lust for Humanity grew within them until the they were shrouded in utter and complete dark. The Abyss.


They were not alone in their quest for Humanity. A cult of fierce warriors learned the art of Lifedrain from the Four Kings an were unleashed upon the town. These warriors became known as Darkwraiths.


Recognizing the dire situation, Lord Gwyn sent an emissary to the town of New Londo. A strong-willed knight by the name of Artorias. It was here that Artorias entered a covenant with the creatures of the Abyss in order to traverse it relatively unhindered. Artorias used this ability to drive the Four Kings as well as the Darkwraiths into the depths of New Londo, earning him the title of Abysswalker.


In a desperate measure to halt the spread of the Abyss, New Londo’s floodgates were opened by the three Sealers. The town, the Abyss, the Four Kings, and the Darkwraiths were buried under the torrent of water. Along with the entire population of New Londo. Artorias’s mission had been a success. But one with great cost.


After the Fall of New Londo, Lord Gwyn acknowledged the prowess of Artorias made him one of his four most-trusted knights. After some time, Artorias gained a new companion, a great grey wolf named Sif.


Sif was only a pup when Artorias was given a new mission. In a nearby land named Oolacile, the Abyss had begun to take root. Princess Dusk had been kidnapped and taken deep into the growing dark. Once word of the ordeal reached Gwyn’s ears, he sent Artorias to rescue the princess and do what he could to stop the new expansion.


Artorias would never return. He battled the Abyss so fiercely that his greatsword had become cursed by it. In an attempt to save Sif, Artorias’s shield was shattered along with his entire left arm. Artorias eventually did defeat the twisted creature lurking in the heart of the Abyss and rescue the princess… So the legends go.


In truth, Artorias became consumed by the Abyss and tainted by its power. He mindlessly wandered the land of Oolacile until he was laid to rest at the hands of the Chosen Undead. It was this Chosen Undead that went on to defeat the shadow of primeval man and save Princess Dusk. The Chosen Undead would be forgotten to the annals of time, but the Legend of Artorias, the Abysswalker, lives on.


Ages have passed, but the world still remembers the tale of one knight that stood against the sightless chasm of the Abyss and overcame the horror within. From the ashes of this fallen icon rose the warriors of the land of Farron, warriors who would take up the mantle of Artorias and stop at nothing to battle the spreading darkness.


There is no evidence to suggest the land ever had a ruler, the Legion simply united under one banner by way of similar ideals. On that same token, there does seem to be a rank system within the Legion.


  1. At the top are the Abyss Watchers, the actual warriors that fight using their unique greatsword-and-dagger style. Their swords are replicas of the Greatsword of Artorias, though less ornate. There is one interesting note about their armor, namely the gauntlets. “Black-dyed leather tied around the arms, with only the left fitted with a gauntlet.”(Undead Legion Gauntlets). Whether or not the singular gauntlet on the left arm is a reverent symbol of Artorias’s shattered left arm or just a byproduct of their fighting style is purely speculative. I like to think it’s the prior, though. What makes the Abyss Watchers the top of the chain is their shared Blood of the Wolf. “The Watchers of the Abyss swore upon their shared wolf’s blood, which also served as their mandates as lords.” (Soul of the Blood of the Wolf). “The blood was spread among the Abyss Watchers, and their souls are one with the soul of the wolf blood master.” (Cinders of a Lord). One can thereby surmise that it is the soul of Artorias that has given the Legion their ruthless drive to purge the Abyss from the lands.
  2. Next down on the list are the acolytes. The acolytes were the Legion’s sorcerers who were trained by one of the Crystal Sage twins. As a measure of assistance, the acolytes would make the Black Bug Pellets that defend against dark damage for the Abyss Watchers. The daughter of the leader of the acolytes was named Heysel and she is an extremely perplexing character all her own. She is stated to be a Xanthous Scholar as well as a Finger of Rosaria for reasons that I have not fully explored yet. The Ghru, the horned creatures that wander Farron Keep, are the descendants of the acolytes. Why Ghrus can also be found in Smouldering Lake is a topic of speculation. Fire is, after all, effective against creations of the Abyss, so perhaps the Legion’s acolytes sought after powerful pyromancies. What better place to find them than the home of pyromancies. Lost Izalith. When the acolytes burrowed into the remnants of Izalith they found only embers of the once-great Chaos Flame. The pyromancies discovered therein, however, had lost none of their potency. It was perhaps the Chaos Flame that mutated the human acolytes into their twisted, lesser-demon form. Smouldering Lake is a large topic and while I’d like to go ahead and dig into it, its meaning to the Undead Legion is mere speculation.
  3. The Watchdogs of Farron. These guys seem to have formed after the Abyss Watchers became Lords of Cinder. While not necessarily outranked by the acolytes, they acolytes precede them on a timeline basis. The Watchdogs are a territorial covenant that ensure the Abyss Watcher are undisturbed. Their covenant master is the Old Wolf of Farron and while the Old Wolf may not be Sif, the two are clearly related as the Old Wolf sleeps in the same position Sif is found in in the Chasm of the Abyss from the Dark Souls DLC. There are two Exiles that defend the entrance to Farron Keep. The description of their armor suggests that they were Watchdogs themselves at some point. 

Another key point on the story of the Abyss Watchers is the land Farron Keep resides on. At first glance, the area is nothing more than another annoying poisonous swamp like Blighttown from Dark Souls. Upon further inspection, however, a few details fall into place. For one, there is a white birch tree here. Sure there’s one in the Undead Settlement as well as the Cathedral of the Deep, but this one is special in that the Crown of Dusk can be found here. If that isn’t enough, a nearby cave contains a chest with the Antiquated Set within which was the clothing Dusk wore. A body in the cave can be looted for the Golden Scroll which can be given to Orbeck of Vinheim to learn the xanthous sorceries of Oolacile. The last clue found in this cave is a large Mushroom Person rooted into the ground with no arms. Elizabeth, Dusk’s godmother, was a Mushroom Person found in Oolacile Sanctuary and, you guessed it, was rooted into the ground and had no arms. There’s more than enough evidence here to say that Farron Keep was built on the old lands of Oolacile and Darkroot Garden (thereby giving the name “Darkroot” a little more meaning).


One last thing to consider about the Legion is their strength as warriors. Exactly how fearsome of an enemy was the Legion? To answer this, it may be wiser to ask how fearsome of an enemy was Carthus. Farron Keep is situated on top of a sprawling dungeon known as the Catacombs of Carthus. Bones of fallen warriors are everywhere here. The dungeon is practically filled to the brim with them. Skeleton warriors, skeleton grave wardens, skeleton wheelmen, entire collections of skeletons that form annoying rolling balls, bones on the floor, bones on the walls, masses of bones stuffed into jars, even the boss of the catacombs is a skeleton himself. This place is more than just a mass grave, it is the dumping site of a pure holocaust. So what exactly is known of Carthus?


“The most obscure pyromancy developed in Carthus of the Sands. Carthus’s aggression has been likened to an uncontrollable fire, and since ancient times its beacon has been used as a signal for war.” (Carthus Beacon). “Ring worn by warriors of the sand kingdom, Carthus. They live for their High Lord Wolnir, conqueror of most kingdoms known to their people.” (Carthus Rings). It would seem that Carthus was more than a formidable foe in battle. Their ruler, Wolnir, was a conqueror on the real-world scale of Alexander the Great and Napolean Bonaparte. “Crown of Wolnir, the Carthus Conqueror. Once upon a time, such things were bequeathed judiciously to each of the rightful lords, until Wolnir brought them to their knees, and ground their crowns into dust. Then the crowns became one, and Wolnir, the one High Lord.” (Wolnir’s Crown). So it has been well-asserted that Wolnir and the armies of Carthus were pretty much the equivalent to Xerxes and the Masked Immortals, but why would that concern Farron’s Legion? “A holy sword eroded by the Abyss. When Wolnir fell to the Abyss, he was gripped by a fear of true darkness, and pleaded to the gods for the first time. This holy sword, together with three armlets stripped from the corpses of clerics, gave him some semblance of comfort.” (Wolnir’s Holy Sword). It has been made very plain that Wolnir had been touched by the Abyss, even the battle with him takes place in the Abyss. It was all the Legion needed to know before sundering an entire empire in an undoubtedly bloody and ferocious war.


To me, the details of the Catacombs of Carthus and all the item descriptions to church up the military might of the desert nation were truly included in Dark Souls III to gauge how violent and ruthless of an enemy Farron’s Undead Legion truly were once the dogs of war were unleashed on the Abyss. Wolf pun intended.


Now, with their background decently covered, the second two questions should fall right into place. Why exactly did Farron’s Undead Legion abandon their thrones? Judging how passionately the Legion battled against the Abyss, it can be assumed that their dereliction wasn’t by choice. While there are a number of possibilities, here is a personal favorite.


Farron’s Undead Legion simply forgot about their duty for the same reason they were so feared in battle. They’re undead. Being undead suggests they could hollow. As one hollows they slowly forget that which drove them. Their motivations in life. Take Siegmeyer of Catarina from Dark Souls. He journeyed from a far-off land to be an adventurer, as adventuring was what motivated him and kept him from hollowing. Siegmeyer eventually became aware of his ineptitude by being constantly rescued by the Chosen Undead. He was also reminded of his failure as a father when Sieglinde caught up with him. Feeling this loss of purpose, Siegmeyer turned into a complete mindless hollow. Much the same may be able to be said of the Legion.


After they linked the Flame and the Age of Fire was extended, perhaps their purpose had been lost as darkness had been driven from the land. With no new frontiers upon which to take on the Abyss, each sought to grow in their own power. Because the Blood of the Wolf was spread among them, its power was likely diminished. Each fragment part of a greater whole. The return to this whole would mean far greater power. A battle broke out among members of the Abyss Watchers. Highlander-style. This is a potential reason why Farron’s Legion abandoned their throne, they had hollowed and no longer cared for anything other than rejoining the Blood of the Wolf into their own singular vessel. No longer do they battle the Unkindled to test the strength of their soul, now they fight because it is all they know.

Also of note are the red-eyed Abyss Watchers during the first phase of the fight. This could be evidence that the Legion had also been tainted by the Abyss.


With all the facts woven with a little speculation, a rough timeline can be established in the same manner as my Aldrich analysis.


At some point in time after the events of Dark Souls, someone stumbled across a cave in a shaded wood. Therein they found Elizabeth. Keeping true to her promise to the Chosen Undead, she recounted the legend of Artorias the Abysswalker to this traveler. Ignited by the tale of the brave knight and the coming shadows of the Abyss, the forest was dubbed Farron Keep and played host to a growing and fearsome army of undead who rallied behind the cause.


Elite among this new Legion were the Abyss Watchers. They vowed to cleanse the lands, keeping the spread of the Abyss from growing for as long as they could, an oath made complete with the Wolf’s Blood. Wars were waged. Kingdoms fell and were buried beneath Farron Keep. The Catacombs of Carthus became merely a testament to the might of the Legion.


Eventually a day came where the growth of the Abyss proved even too rapid for the fearsome warriors. Desperate times now called for desperate measures. The one sure-fire way to fight back the coming dark was to link the First Flame, renewing the Age of Fire. The Abyss Watchers took their Blood of the Wolf to be their mandate as Lords of Cinder. One among them was surely not enough kindling for the Flame, but what if every one of them went into the Kiln? Surely it would satiate the fires for another millenium.


Once they had fulfilled their quest the corpses of the forever-feared Abyss Watchers were relocated to a great masoleum on the grounds of Farron Keep. It was an honorable burial as it was also the final resting place of the mighty Artorias.


The Legion’s acolytes took to guarding Farron Keep along with a new covenant that held the utmost reverence to the deceased warriors, the Watchdogs of Farron. For a time, the soldiers slept peacefully in their graves. Until a call was heard. That of the Bell of Awakening.


Something had changed in their numbers as they rose. It would seem that in their many battles against the Abyss, its power to corrupt had finally caught up to some of them. Their action against this threat was decisive and immediate. Though they had fought many battles side by side, their mandate could not be broken. The Abyss Watchers turned on their own bretheren who had been tainted by the dark Abyss. It would seem as history does indeed repeat itself as this was also the fate of Artorias himself.


As the Abyss Watchers fell at the feet of the Unkindled One, the Wolf’s Blood began to coalesce, revealing the unbridled strength these Lords of Cinder were capable of. Once defeated, only the burnt remnants of their broken bodies remained. Still combustible, but only just. Even in death, the Abyss Watchers could serve their mandate and fulfill their duty.

So that took a little over a week to piece together between work and some other goings-on in my life. That being said, my next post about Yhorm the Giant is going to take a bit longer. I’m in the middle of moving right now and Yhorm is easily the Lord of Cinder I know the least about. I also don’t intend on rushing it. Quality over quantity and all that. Again, if my conclusions don’t seem too sound or if I have some facts messed up please let me know.

anonymous asked:

I wanna ask about the orbs in the abyss. Does the orbs only hold the life of a place and not just one being(human/monster) with no home?

The elemental orbs is unknown and no one know how or who made it. All it know that it’s key to unlock Abyss’s sans power. It’s like this orb are seal his true power for reason. After Abyss obtain one of the orb. Is the orb disappear? or left a empty sphere like broken glass? Is it really a elemental orb?

Monster

Originally posted by jhopies

Vampire!AU

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

-H

“Shit…” You mutter to yourself, glancing out the window as droplets of water forcefully pelt the cold glass. You could hear the deep rumble of thunder in the distance. “Better hurry up here if I want to make it home before this gets any worse…”

Keep reading

Friendly reminder that while Luke is physically seven years old (and by this, I mean ALIVE for seven years), he is NOT mentally seven.

Friendly reminder that Guy actually ditched his revenge plan prior to the events of the game, and while Van did try to tempt him to join his side, there is no canonical confirmation that he had anything to do with how close Van became to Luke.

Friendly reminder that Jade, underneath his unperturbed mask, carries the burden of his sin 24/7 and feels horribly guilty about coming up with fomicry and its corresponding consequences. And no, I’m not inventing this, because it’s heavily implied in-game and corroborated by side material told in his point of view.

Friendly reminder that Anise knows she’s responsible for a lot of bad things that happened to the party (especially Ion’s death) and feels incredibly guilty about it, despite the fact that she had practically no choice on the matter and was being blackmailed by her superior to do it.

The reason why the party snaps at Luke post-Akzeriuth is NOT because of him destroying Akzeriuth, but because of his attitude regarding it. The difference between Luke shortly after Akzeriuth’s collapse and Jade and Anise’s situations is that Luke quickly denies his responsibility, whereas Jade and Anise immediately acknowledge their responsibility in their corresponding matters when confronted with it. Luke’s denial of responsibility with regard to Akzeriuth is what causes the party to snap at him, and even then, the blame was all in his head. The party scolds Luke because of the way he was washing his hands off the matter, and while it can be seen as harsh, there was no malice whatsoever in their intentions, which, in fact, is something Luke realizes and acknowledges later on.

This whole pointing fingers issue is, in fact, a moot point when one considers that a key point of Abyss is that there’s no point in dwelling in the past, and what matters more is what you choose to do with your life in the present.

everybody is afraid of something-

and you know how easy fears are to steal when they
aren’t kept under lock and key / shoved into an abyss under
your heart / a pitfall of grief for your parents / and the doubt 
that you’d ever find another home without your other half.

everybody is afraid of something-

you used to fear death but what’s the point of fearing something
you’ve already felt in a courtyard in Sokovia / and you were
haunted long before your brother fell anyway / trapped for days
under rubble / you made your peace with this reaper / the
ghosts that follow you now run deeper than that.

everybody is afraid of something-

you fear losing control / hurting the people you fought so hard
to defend / you fear becoming every monster you worried hid
under your bed / and this fear isn’t unfounded / you know it
because you saw people die as a direct result of your actions / this
is the worst kind of fear / one that’s already half proved itself true.

everybody is afraid of something-

but do your demons consume you or give you a reason
to fight back? / red-stained hands reaching for a ledge
as you fall / the battle lines are already half-drawn / it’s time
to decide; face your fear or give in to it?


EVERYBODY IS AFRAID OF SOMETHING // l.s. © 2016

Call Me Tetsu

It was a scene he’d played over a million times in his head. What it would sound like, how his lips would curl to pronounce it, what sort of facial expression he’d be wearing when it happened. And yet, nothing his feeble imaginings had come up with could compare to the reality of it.

“Good work, Tsukki.”

Tsukki.

His heart gave a slow and steady ba-dump.

He didn’t even get to see his face when he said it. Was he wearing that infamous smirk of his, or was he smiling genuinely? How much of his face was covered by his hair, at that moment? Was he really that proud of him? Did he truly believe those words? Kei hoped so. He hoped…

He hoped he’d say it again.

But he didn’t.

“Don’t call me that.” he sneered defensively at the Nekoma captain, turning to face him. Kuroo simply smirked, that lopsided grin making Kei’s heartbeat quicken. 

“Why? Does it bother you, Tsukki?”

Ba-dump.

It was a teasing smile, different from his usual smirk. His hair was in his face as usual but his eyes were still visible. And they were looking right at him. Those deep, black eyes that made Kei feel lost. He nearly forgot to breathe. In this one solid moment, Tsukishima Kei was the sole object of Kuroo Tetsurou’s attention. And for reasons he couldn’t explain, or rather didn’t bother to explain, Kei felt stupidly giddy. 

But it’s not like he could let that show.

“Tch.” he put on that indignant face he was best known for, and turned away. It was not long, however, before he felt a sturdy slap on his back. His heart caught in his throat. He began to sweat, and not just from the intense round of volleyball they had just played. 

“If it bothers you that much,” he said, his voice low, so that the others wouldn’t hear, his hand still on Kei’s back, “I’ll just call you Kei.”

Kei’s eyes widened, and he thought he might just choke on his own spit. The spot on his back that was still claimed by Kuroo’s hand was burning like a fever. Kei’s heart was beating far too fast for him to even try to slow it down. He wasn’t sure he wanted to. 

Slowly, Kei turned his head, once again drowning in the black abyss that were Kuroo’s eyes. “You’re joking.” he managed to spit out nastily.

He was met only with that distractingly handsome grin. Kuroo dropped his hand from Kei’s back, and Kei felt a strange emptiness as he did so. 

“If you want,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets, “You can call me Tetsu.”

Kei felt his mouth go dry. 

“Beauty, the splendour of truth, is a gracious presence when the imagination contemplates intensely the truth of its own being or the visible world, and the spirit which proceeds out of truth and beauty is the holy spirit of joy. These are realities and these alone give and sustain life. As often as human fear and cruelty, that wicked monster begotten by luxury, are in league to make life ignoble and sullen and to speak evil of death the time is come wherein a man of timid courage seizes the keys of hell and of death, and flings them far out into the abyss, proclaiming the praise of life, which the abiding splendour of truth may sanctify, and of death, the most beautiful form of life. In those vast courses which enfold us and in that great memory which is greater and more generous than our memory, no life, no moment of exaltation is ever lost; and all those who have written nobly have not written in vain, though the desperate and weary have never heard the silver laughter of wisdom. Nay, shall not such as these have part, because of that high, original purpose which remembering painfully or by way of prophecy they would make clear, in the continual affirmation of the spirit?”-James Joyce, “James Clarence Mangan” Lecture, 1902

  • cashier: you're short 32 cents
  • me: oh. gimme a second.
  • me: *rummages through purse*
  • me: *starts putting things on the counter to get to the bottom of the purse abyss*
  • me: *pulls out phone, keys, pencils, a tuner, two sets of rosin, the full score to mozart's symphony in g minor, a pendulum metronome, an extra violin bow, and a textbook about music history*
  • me: alright here's a quarter and a dime
" Abbadon "

In the four corners of the Earth,there’s a growing murmur ,trumpets intone among hills and mountains designed to doom and rivers and seas are rough on the absinthe poison.
Beings who had the mission of keeping your paradise lost the right by hearing the echo of the lie and flesh.Your tree of knowledge and Life it was lost in the remotest parts of your body reffered to the silence of your Creator.
The Almighty decreed your paths since its sovereignty was stained of blood by your enemy but in his eternal benevolence gave you the choice by the use of your Free Will and you didn’t care of its value.
Now the sea of Mankind faces two paths before their eyes like was in the past when your first children in the Sinai accepted the simple choice of being yours instead of the enemy.Before them ,was the path of bless or curse but nor the thunder of Thy power nor even the opening of seas and lowering of rivers led your children to redemption.
Now,the final fight is ahead like a ray that emerges from one edge of your creation till the another distant part: Listen…the reigning King is already in His throne,kiss The Son Ó proud people of the Earth if you don’t want to be part of His woes and pests : flee children of men,flee and shout the sword of Justice by exposing mistakes.
Your King is leading the flock and has the Abyss keys but also is the destructor because no longer tolerates injustice on His Mount Zion,beautiful like the Carmel in daylight and snow: from it will flow honeycombs for the healing of people like never occurred nor never will.
The ruler of Thy Kingdom is coming,play your tambourine and cry of joy because Abbadon is His name and of His Kingdom shall be endless peace till eternity.
Your children will have to forge their swords into plowshares,their spears into prunings,they will not learn War anymore because your savior has arrived and no longer will enter into Hades or Gehenna because the power of holocaust stopped forever.
Rejoice and behold He comes by the power of His Love by the thrist of Justice in the Meggido slopes brings legions your obsolete weapons and thou enemy of men not prevail because He,the Lion of Judah ,is the Observant of the Covenant forever and ever !
SHALOM ABA ABBADON !

Kyrah

awolfling-deactivated20161009  asked:

pearlmethyst- 23: “Just once.”


Part one: Just Once

“I won’t have it! not only is the plan not well thought off, your idea of its execution is even worse!”
“Well I’d hate to break it to ya P, but this is the best option we’ve got and you know it.”
Amethyst was walking away from Pearl, descending the crystal cave. They entered a geode through a seemingly freshly punched hole in the wall. Amethyst didn’t remember its existence. The Slinker must have made it when she was retreated in her gem one week prior. Though the corrupted Gem was apprehended shortly after her latest regeneration, the Crystal Gems faced their newest threat. One of the ancient gem sites, a long forgotten War Bunker, equipped with many gem related objects, such as communication hubs, vaults and strategy rooms, had been giving off static lately. Which was alarming, considering the lack of activity for thousands of years. Whether or not by incident or purposely reactivated the Gems latest mission was to enter the Bunker. Unwilling to attract attention from the Home World after the debacle with Jasper and the yet to be located Peridot, they needed to act swift. They needed more than brutal force alas, since the Bunker was located under a densely population human area. To jam the static, the Gems needed a certain artefact, the Claw Key, which Pearl recalled being locked away in a darker abyss of their temple. Garnet had ordered for Pearl and Amethyst to collect the artefact and preventively strategize as she and Steven found an entry point to the bunker. It seemed like rather straight forward mission; Get the artefact, proceed to bunker, get into bunker, place artefact and leave… Were it not for the, as Pearl called it, “mind-bogglingly poor architectural state” of the many layered War Bunker, making it positively dangerous to enter and exit. Not to mention the extreme amount of build in defence mechanisms. Amethyst however, was confident that she alone could enter and get the job done. She wished to enter the first level while shapeshifted. Stay stealth, clear it and drop the package. Pearl whole heartily disagreed with the plan, calling it reckless, even “profoundly idiotic” and they had been bickering for what already seemed like an hour. What’s new.

‘It is NOT the best option Amethyst, you are being unreasonable’ Pearl scoffed and muttered under her breath ‘as usual’. Amethyst spun on her heels making an exasperated face at her team mate as she proceeded to walk backwards. ‘Oh yes, I’m the unreasonable one! Of course! Pearl, please tell me about your fail proof, grand scheme of performing this mission, if you please… OH WAIT’ she threw up her hands in mocking shock ‘You don’t have one!’ she turned around again. ‘Just let me take care of it you freaking spaz, jeez.’ She could just about hear Pearl grabbing her own hair with two hands. ‘My calculations put you at a 89 percent risk rate, while any other option has a lower number.’
Amethyst threw her head back dramatically ‘Which according to “your calculations” only differ, what, 5 percent? And you’d need at least all of us, Steven excluded.’
Pearl spoke through gritted teeth, ‘You regenerated four times last week, Amethyst.’
‘Jup.’ Amethyst popped the p with her lips ‘Your point being?’
‘I don’t want to see you get hurt. Again.’ Putting the emphasis on the final word.
‘Bullshit, P. You just don’t think I can take a big responsibility without getting myself poofed. Again. Small print, big difference.’
Pearl wailed in frustration. Amethyst barely had time to register what happened when she suddenly felt a hard tug on her tank top, spinning her to face Pearl.
‘DO YOU BLAME ME FOR BEING CAUTIOUS? FOUR TIMES, AMETHYST. FOUR TIMES.’ She practically spat. Her shouting echoed through the crystal cave, bouncing of stalactites and being thrown back at Amethyst by the stalagmites.
Amethyst had reached her already remarkably far pushed limit ‘THAT DOESNT MEAN I WILL FUCK UP THIS TIME.’ She yelled back, Pearls’ fist was still clenched on the strap of her top. Pearl tried to inhale deeply but failed, making her look like a sputtering, deeply teal coloured mess of anger. Why couldn’t they resolve conflicts like normal beings instead of this constant struggle? Finally finding the words Pearl proceeded with a raised voice ‘It is not about you messing up and me not trusting you.’
‘Pffft.’ Amethyst scoffed ‘Right.’
‘DARN IT AMETHYST!’ Pearl had both hands on her straps now, hovering closely over her. Amethyst waited for Pearl to mock her, to proceed to fight, to antagonize her. But Pearl went quiet. Oh.
Pearl had a tired pleading in her gaze. ‘Amethyst…’ she breathed shakily. ‘For once…. Just once… Will you please, just listen to me?’ She softened her grasp, closing her eyes for a few seconds. Amethyst felt a lump in her throat and the tightening of her gem in her chest. That specific Pearl related feeling she learned to violently tug away and ignore. Where the fuck is this suddenly coming from, P?
‘Why should I?’ She whispered hoarsely. Pearl smiled a tired and heavy smile, loaded with emotion. Amethyst wanted to look away, the look on Pearl’s face made her feel like she witnessed something she shouldn’t be seeing. Something private and locked away.
Gods, they were so close. When did they get this close? As their noses touched and they breathed the same air, neither spoke. They just looked at the other through half lidded eyes and soon they were softly ghosting each other’s lips. Slow, soft brushes, feather light touches. So light, it barely seemed real. They could still back away, stop if they wanted to. Pearls’ breathing hitched from her half open mouth as Amethyst softly grazed a hand in the small of her back. Pearls long fingers slid from Amethyst collarbones over her neck, thumbs resting on the beginning of her jawline. ‘Please.’ Pearl breathed.
‘Just once.’ Amethyst whispered in response.
Those phrases could go many ways, Amethyst knew. She was also aware that they both knew it was a lie. This was not a just once. It could never be, not after all of it. Not after all those years. This was a tipping point, a deal breaker. Nothing would be the same if they would proceed to….
‘Once?’ Pearl ghosted on Amethyst lips. As on cue, they pressed themselves on the other. Though their entire bodies were grasping hold of each other, the kiss they shared was soft and hesitant. Slow burning grazes and warm tongues. No battle, no power displays, no room for self-consciousness. Just them. Telling the other they cared. When the Gems withdrew slowly from each other, Amethyst opened her eyes and was basked in the light from Pearls gemstone. She needn’t look down to see her stone was also shining a bright violet. Amethyst took a one of Pearls hands and placed them on her heated, glowing gem. Pearl, now turning almost a shade of navy blue smiled fondly and laughed nervously. ‘It seems ridiculous to be coy at this point.’ As she dipped her head, making their foreheads touch. A shiver went through Amethyst as she felt the energy pulsing from Pearls gem. She thought Pearl let out a small whimper, but it was actually her own voice she heard. They stood there serenely for some time until Amethyst scraped her throat, clearing the lump of emotion which kept her from speaking. ‘I- I won’t g… Let’s find another way into that bunker, P.’ They both let out a light bubble of laughter, still holding each other.
______________

This shall be part of something BIGGER *cracks her impolite knuckles*