Empty - Bucky Barnes
“What do you want from me?“ Bucky whispered tired, running his right hand through his hair and avoiding to look at her direction.
“What?” she frowned, extremally confused with his sudden question. Sitting on the sofa opposite of him, she let go of her purse and reached out her hand to touch his knee “Bucky, what’s wrong?”
“I’m empty, (Y/N).” he said with disgust from himself, his breathing getting heavy as he supported his head in his hands and stared at the floor. “I can’t do this.”
“Baby, wait a second.” she was so lost, they were going to meet Steve and his girlfriend to a double date… They were fine. She bit her lower lip, staring at the super soldier’s feature to try to understand what he might be thinking… But it was in vain “Why are you saying this? What you can’t do?”
“This. Us.” he finally looked at her direction, swallowing hard before taking a deep breath, he was thinking about this for weeks “I have to confess something.”
“James, is that subject again? I don’t care about your past, I know. But I don’t care, it wasn’t really you.“ she smiled tenderly, giving him a slight squeeze on his knee trying to show support but Bucky just shook his head.
“I thought you’d complete me, that you’d erase all the pain that I felt in my brain.” he started, his voice was so low that was almost a whisper. He licked his lips and looked again away. His heart was beating fast, he didn’t want to see her face change to a sad one “But it’s not like that at all. Look at you every day just makes me remember who I was and I can’t forgive myself, I can’t.”
“Bucky, please… Don’t do this.” she murmured, trying to control her tears, but it was too late she could only sniff silently and hide her face on her hands.
“It’s better like this, for now at least. I can’t give you what you really need.” he got up and ran again his hand through his hair, his eyes going in her direction making his heart sank in his chest “You can fill my heart with love, but you can’t fill my voids above. I’m so sorry, (Y/N).”
Bucky left his keys of her apartment that she gave to him and then turned on his heels, walking silently towards the door without looking back. He could hear her crying, his chest tightening even more. He didn’t want to make her sad. But it was better this way. It should be. He couldn’t be wrong. Not with her. When Bucky closed the door and walked the dark hallway… He never felt that empty before. But it was too late. He couldn’t go back. This would have to be better off in some way.