PCCL : UST vs SWU yesterday :) late post na kc naman, birthday kaya ni Fort xD sa rignside kmi nakaupo, ehem as in sa likod ng UST players nuh xD never imagined that i can stay that close kay fort, as in sa harap ko tlga pumepwesto e(first pic and madami pa pero akin nlng un xD), nagkakamot pa ng likod, a couple of opportunities para masabi ko lht ng gusto sabhn kay Captain, well ang gusto ko lng tlga ma-greet ko siya ng personal, i even ask him kung gusto niya ng clover mehehe
lahat ng kalokohan ng tigers even ni coach Pido ay narinig at nakita nmin, hello kitang kita ata kmi sa camera -.- mehehe even the plays that coach want to happen, kung pano niya pagalitan ang players xD at one sinabi niya kay Pe “pag di mo kaya, sigawan mo nlng sa tenga "boom” kamo para masindak" mehehe
di naglaro si Kevin Ferrer(wla kming pic, di ko siya nahagilap) and Karim Abdul, and i knew na bench players ang paglalaruin ^^
of course after ng game, all the fangirls waited outside the arena, pinalabas kc kmi -.- 1st out , si kuya Melo, bait :) then kim kaizen lo, then tata, and of course, birthday boy, Baby Jic Fortuna, success ako , after ko magpa picture, i greeted him a happy birthday ,he said thank you with a smile *kilig* and now i know kung anu plate number ng car niya :) mehehe
papunta kmi sa carpark when nakasalubong namin c tata bautista, garrido and hainga, sobrang aproachable ni tata, nakipag apir ako sa kanya, akala ko snob e , but no, pati si mia inapiran niya ,and even said “bye bye, ingat kau” malamang diba paakyat nga ng carpark xD mehehe
pero dhil di ko pa nakikita c ferrer at wala pa kming picture ay bumalik kmi, as in bumalik sa loob, nakasalubong nmin c Paulo Pe and took a pic with him, tamang tama naman naghihintay si ate Almira Teng sa may exit with Jeron, kaya may pic ndin kmi at kaya 2 pic nmin ni jeron xD bet na bet xD
well di naman ako fangirl nito nuh ^^ well yeah :)
So, first time kong manood ng game live kanina. Grabe, sobrang intense pala talaga kapag napapanood mo mismo ng live yung laro kaysa sa TV. Kahit namaos ako sa kaka-cheer kanina, ayos lang kasi alam ko na nakatulong iyon para lumakas yung loob ng mga manlalaro natin sa UST. Nakakataba din ng puso yung cheer ng DLSU crowd kanina na “Beat Ateneo, UST!” Parang iisipin mo na mag-sister school ang UST at DLSU. Kanina, habang nag-aantay kami sa labas ng Arena, naunang lumabas si Jason Perkins saka si Almond Vosotros saka sila Tata Bautista, Kim Lo at Ed Daquioag pero hindi kami nakapag-papicture. Share ko lang yung mga pictures na nakuha ko habang nag-aantay sa labas ng Arena.
Ang tangkad ni Norbert! Grabe. Around 5'3 or 5'4 yung height ko pero tignan niyo naman. Hahahaha. Ang awkward ng mukha niya dito.
Awkward lang nung railing na nakaharang sa amin ni Aljon. Hahahaha. Wala po akong kinalaman sa pagiging basa ng damit niya. Hahahaha.
Mala-Edward Cullen ang peg ko kanina. Kumikinang. Hahahaha. Pero parang malungkot yung smile ni Kev dito.
This big guy is so nice. Hinihintay niya talagang makapag-papicture sa kanya lahat ng tao bago siya umalis. Muntik na nga siyang maiwan ng bus eh. Hahaha. Kung wala pang coaching staff na lumapit sa kanya, hindi siya titigil sa pag-eentertain sa mga gustong magpapicture sa kanya. Sa dinami-raming beses na nakakasalubong ko siya, sa wakas may picture na rin kami. Yay!
And last but not the least, this.
Kinikilig po ako sa picture naming ito ni Thomas Torres. Yieee. Hindi niya ako fan pero dahil sa chinito eyes niya at dazzling smile, naging instant fan na ang lola niyo. O diba, cool?
Sayang nga lang at hindi ako nakapag-papicture kay Coach Pido, sa Teng brothers at kay AVO. Sayang. Di bale, may next time pa naman eh. :D
I curl up in bed as the raindrops fall on the roof. The bitter pitter-pattering of water outside the window has me curling my toes and pulling the blanket tighter on my body. It’s so cold. There is an inner chill that I always feel on this day of the year. And even though I shut everyone out almost every moment I get, today I do not want to be lonely. There is a stark difference between feeling lonely and being alone. I love being alone on certain days but I never feel the loneliness as much as I do now.
My heart aches at the thought of lying here in my bed all day but I make no move to stand up or do anything else.
There’s no point in celebrating. There’s also no point in grieving. Today is my birthday and sadly, also the day when my family died.
I have always enjoyed life’s ironies. I have a sense of humor that’s highly sarcastic. But this, to happen on the very same day I was born, is a very, very sick and cruel joke. I don’t feel like laughing.
Hell, I don’t even think this is a joke.
On this day, I allow the dam of emotions to overflow. The walls around my heart come apart and the sorrow gnaws at my insides and I feel emotional pain. It hurts so much to the point where the pain may be physical. But miraculously (of all the crazy things that could become miraculous in my life, this had to be the chosen one, why oh why) I do not cry. There are no tears. It’s like someone took out my tear ducts because of pity. Maybe they’ve become tired of watching my cry all these years that they finally thought I shouldn’t produce anymore tears.
My consciousness comes and goes. One moment I am in my room, thinking about all the wrong things that have happened to me in the past and the next, I am half-dreaming and half awake. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep forever.
A light knock on my door interrupts my thoughts. For a moment I actually consider answering it, hoping that it’s someone who would understand me right now. Someone who can sit with me through this day and promise me that tomorrow won’t be better, no he will know not to promise me that. Instead he will just promise me that there is a tomorrow because however much you want to stop that from happening, it’s inevitable.
“Sam?” A guy’s voice asks from the other side.
I ignore it, curling into a tighter position in bed. To think someone as tall as me could actually curl up into such a small position.
“Samantha,” I recognize his voice immediately and I nearly catapult out of bed. I half run to the door and pull it open, more forceful than I’d intended.
Kevin is standing in the hallway of my apartment building, his hands behind him. Is he holding something? Shit. If he’s holding a present for me, there’s no telling how I’m going to react. No way in hell he’d give me a present on this day of all days even though it is my birthday. He shouldn’t. No one in their right mind would think about giving me a present after everything that’s happened to me.
But I almost sigh in relief when I see that his hands are empty. Good. No gifts.
He gives me a look I have trouble describing. “Hi,”
He doesn’t greet me ‘Happy Birthday’ to which I am grateful for.
But he smiles anyway like he’s thinking about greeting me but knows not to because it’s not right. And in that moment I know he understands me. He knows what I need most right now.
And this knowledge is foreign but very welcome. A sob escapes my mouth as I call out his name, “Kev,”
My tears fall.
He knows. He doesn’t have to ask. This time I would not pull away. I will not push him away because I need this. We both do. He pulls me in for a hug and I bury my face in his chest.
It feels so good to be held. The craving for intimacy has long been buried in my chest underneath my disdain of physical affection and hundreds of different negative emotions. Nevertheless, it is there, forever present.
Kevin does not speak. He just runs his hand down the length of my hair over and over again. Up, down. Up, down. His arm around me tightens as I cry louder.
“I’m here.” He croons to me like I’m a child. And maybe I am at the moment. Broken. Hurt. But innocent in so many ways. And lonely… Shit, am I lonely. “Wag ka ng umiyak. Nandito lang ako.”
I wrap my arms around him so tight that I’m afraid he’ll bruise in the morning.
I shake my head as I try to catch my breath. Nakakahiya na yung iyak ko.
But he doesn’t seem to mind. Not even when I pull him into my apartment and close the door, lock it and ask him to stay.
I’m glad that he says yes.