Are you sure having Gimli as a Jewish Character is a good choice? I'm a fan of Tolkien's work but it's no secret that the Dwarves were quite literally written as negative Jewish stereotypes.
That’s why I picked Gimli, and not one of the Dwarves from The Hobbit.
If you look at the Dwarves in the Hobbit, they’re pretty obviously antisemitic caricatures: they never stop whining, they’re constantly descrived as having a lust for gold, and Tolkien even goes out of his way to tell us that “Dwarves
are not heroes, but a calculating folk with a great idea of the value of money; some are tricky and treacherous and pretty bad lots; some are not but are decent enough people like Thorin and Company, if you don’t expect too much.” I definitely wouldn’t have been comfortable with putting any of them on this blog (except in a Mother Gothel-style reclaiming, like in the Rapunzel post, but that’s a different subject).
But by the time Tolkien wrote Lord of the Rings, though, he’d obviously evolved. Gimli - in the books at least - is shown to be incredibly eloquent, steadfast, uncomplaining, and brave. In the Glittering Caves sequence Gimli very specifically tells us, over and over, in the most beautiful language I’ve ever read, that Dwarves love not the monetary value of gems but their natural beauty. He’s certainly a far cry from the Dwarves of The Hobbit.
tl;dr:I do think it’s a good choice, but only Gimli.
I know that the young Han Solo movie(s) will probably cover things like Han freeing Chewie, winning the Millennium Falcon from Lando, and making the Kessel run, but honestly what I want is an Always Sunny-like black comedy about him, Lando, and Chewie partaking in a series of increasingly bizarre and morally dubious get-rich-quick scheme because that’s genuinely what I see him doing before that fateful day in the cantina.
It’s the ship that made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs. I’ve outrun imperial starships. Not the local bulk cruisers, mind you. I’m talking about the big Corellian ships now. She’s fast enough for you, old man.
On the Millennium Falcon, and the issue of Parsecs...
I’ve heard the discussion about Han Solo’s famous “Kessel Run” time and time again - both inside the Star Wars community and outside it. Common consensus seems to be that Han Solo’s boast that the Falcon could do the run in 12 parsecs indicates that Solo has no idea what a parsec is, or else relies on the fact that his audience doesn’t know.
This discussion relies on two main facts:
A parsec is a unit of measurement equivalent to roughly 3.26 light-years. This means that a parsec is a unit of distance, not a unit of time.
The Kessel Run is a smuggling route in the Star Wars universe, running illicit spice from the spice mines of Kessel to its destination worlds. It is not a commonly-used trade route, partially because the route is fraught with danger - especially “The Maw” cluster of black holes.
The main mistake people seem to make when discussing this issue is believing that Han is boasting about the Falcon’s speed. This is understandable, because Han often boasts about the Falcon’s speed in other situations, and it is natural to assume that a vehicle owner boasts about the speed of their vehicle because that is what we Earthlings are used to when discussing cars and other machines. As such, they think that Han is purporting that “12 Parsecs” is a quantification of the Falcon’s immense velocity.
This is an incorrect assumption, however. What Han is actually boasting about is the Falcon’s ability to safely navigate the dangerous Kessel Run by the shortest possible route. Travelling at hyperspace is not a simple matter of moving the ship directly from A to B, since there are doubtless hundreds or thousands of intervening planets, stars, asteroids, and other dangers. A ship’s computer must be programmed with a route which avoids such obstacles - usually giving them a wide berth, just to be on the safe side. The computer can also adjust itself en route if an unforeseen hazard presents itself.
Han Solo programs the Falcon’s computer system to fly as close to these hazards - especially the forbidding Maw Cluster - as is possible without being destroyed. Most other pilots would see this behaviour as foolhardy, but Han apparently doesn’t care. Because the Falcon is programmed to fly closer to these obstacles than most other pilots would dare consider, it needs to “steer” far less, and so can traverse the route in a straighter line than any other starship. This means that the Falcon completes the Kessel Run in a shorter distance than other ships - a mere 12 parsecs.
This is backed up in The Force Awakens when Rey, impressed that the ‘hunk of junk’ she’s aboard is the Millennium Falcon, marvels that “This is the ship which ran the Kessel Run in 14 parsecs”. Han corrects her by saying “12″. This therefore implies that 12 parsecs is more impressive than 14 - something which is totally in keeping with the above.
Han isn’t talking out of his arse when he boasts about the Falcon’s record, nor is he demonstrating his lack of understanding of interstellar measurements. He’s just not talking about what many people think he’s talking about, which is their own lack of understanding, not Han’s.
I think one of my very favorite things is getting all this pre- A New Hope backstory we’re getting via films and novelizations is that everyone around the Rebellion was just in AWE of Leia Organa as both royalty and the badass leading the rebellion and they speak of her in hushed, reverent tones and watch with wide eyes whenever she passes by and she is just like this Important Thing of Awesomeness™
that bestows glowing hope and guidance to all who cross her path. And rightly so.
But then here comes this absolute Dumpster Fire of a Human Being™
Han Solo and he just is like “who the fuck is this tiny chick that’s yelling at me? Wait do I like it? Ok I like it time to turn on the old Solo charm” and Leia is just “what the actual fuck are you an actual idiot?” and he’s like “mostly. wanna kiss?” and she just shuts it down left and right in that Leia Organa Way™
that would have most people trembling in their Rebellion-issued boots. But this dumbass decides to tattoo “if at first you don’t succeed, argue with her until the sexual tension is giving the entire Rebellion blue balls” onto his dumb, pretty forehead. So he keeps sassing her and making eyes at her and fighting with her but also fighting for her and this all puts her the hell off balance because honestly WHO IS THIS ASSHOLE?
Yet said asshole keeps hanging around and proves to be pretty smart and resourceful and loyal and kind when he doesn’t think anyone is looking and no, it’s not like Leia is looking ok her eye level just happens to be at the level of his lips alright???
And everyone around them is probably just all “what the shit is happening here doesn’t this guy realize who she is?” to which he would probably respond with “Her? What about me? Don’t you know who /I/ am? I am Captain of the Ship That Made The Fucking Kessel Run in 12 Parsecs!!!!!!!!!!!!” And everyone is just confused AF as he grumbles off to go needle Leia some more while trying to get her to put her mouth on his. And of course Leia eventually does put her mouth on his - enthusiastically so - because Dumpster Fire he may be, Han Solo is also probably one of the first people to ever just treat her like a normal person and not just be about her title or her role in everything. The idiot fell in love with her for simply being Leia.
it’s been almost 24 hours since the pens won the cup, but it actually has not sunk in that we are the first team to go back-to-back in not only the 21st century but the salary cup era, the hardest era of hockey thus far, all the greats have said this is the hardest era of hockey to compete in with the rule changes, the physicality and the speed these athletes have to perform at. i am so proud of the pittsburgh penguins, we had arguably the hardest run to get to the finals, we faced two of the three top teams back-to-back in the first two rounds. marc andre fleury got to play for two series, matt murray got to finish up the last serie and a half and is now a two time stanley cup champion in only his first full year in the nhl and at the age of twenty three, phil kessel who was run out of toronto two years ago is now a two time stanley cup champion, justin schultz and trevor daley both under appreciated by their former team and fanbase, are both now two time stanley cup champions, jake guentzel became a stanley cup champion in his first year and led in goals, mike sullivan who only came to the penguins not even two years ago has never lost a stanley cup series with the pens, chris kunitz is now the only active player with four stanley cups and to put it in perspective he has as many stanley cups as wayne gretzky, matt cullen gets to retire with two back to back stanley cups when he was going to retire two years ago. sidney crosby and evgeni malkin the leaders of our team now both have three stanley cup wins. we won this year, despite not having a healthy roster since december 14, 2016, not having our best defencemen and arguably our most valuable player when it comes to playoffs- kris letang. this team is so special and i’m beyond proud as a fan. let’s aim for a threepeat.
Is extremely intelligent, resourceful, clever, and quick-thinking under pressure
Comes up with the idea of using the dead tauntaun’s body heat to keep Luke from freezing to death on Hoth
Realizes that taking out the imperial probe droid was too easy and that it must have had a self-destruct, which results in the rebels’ evacuation and preparation for battle
Figures out that the “cave” is actually a giant space slug when it could have just been an unstable, humid asteroid
Comes up with the plan to hide on the star destroyer and then float away with the garbage, which required him to a.) be familiar enough with the vessel to know that there was a blind spot, b.) know that the ship would dump its trash before going to lightspeed, and c.) THINK OF THOSE THINGS while being pursued and fired upon with his life, Chewie’s, and Leia’s on the line AND realize that the imps would be thrown off if he feigned an attack and all assume they’d vanished, a completely brilliant and incredibly calculated, not to mention well-executed, plan that he came up with on the spot
Devises the plan to deceive the imperial officers and troops on Endor into walking into a trap and subsequently blowing up the shield generator at the crucial moment when the rebel fleet was facing defeat, enabling the destruction of the second Death Star
Is brave and courageous and heroic (despite his efforts to convince everyone otherwise)
Orders Chewbacca to stay behind him when they fall under fire in the detention center
Creates a diversion for Luke and Leia on the Death Star by charging at a bunch of stormtroopers
Turns around to cover Luke during the Battle of Yavin, risking his own life even though he was in the clear to leave and take his reward and pay off Jabba, enabling Luke to destroy the Death Star and saving other planets from its destructive power
Goes out into the freezing conditions on Hoth to look for Luke even though his own chances of survival were slim
Risks his life to rescue Leia during the evacuation of Hoth when she won’t abandon her post
Immediately pulls a blaster on DARTH VADER without a moment’s hesitation while simultaneously grabbing Leia’s hand and keeping her behind him
Thinks only of Leia’s safety and wellbeing when he’s about to be frozen in carbonite, possibly killed, and delivered to Jabba the Hutt
Agrees to personally lead the extremely dangerous and risky assault on the shield generator on Endor
Volunteers to escort Finn to Starkiller base despite the risk to his own life by making his landing AT LIGHT SPEED, stepping up to help Leia and the Resistance and the entire galaxy
Is sensitive and caring and selfless
Doesn’t take Chewie for granted and volunteer him for the Battle of Endor even though the wookiee had a life-debt to him
Comforts Leia despite his belief that she’s in love with Luke
Offers to step aside despite his own love for her so that she and Luke can be happy together
Leaves Leia despite being desperately in love with her and returning to his old empty way of life all because he believes that his presence causes her pain
Offers to do ANYTHING for his son and displays his love and caring and forgiveness of his child as his last act in life when Kylo Ren kills him
Is a skilled mechanic (see: modifications and repairs to the Falcon), a great shot (ie: taking out numerous stormtroopers and tie fighters, referred to as a good fighter by Rieekan, performance on Endor, etc etc), a talented pilot (Kessel run, flying through an asteroid field, evading imperial fire multiple times), and “a natural leader.”
Has one of the most complex character arcs in the Star Wars universe, displaying character development from film to film on multiple levels (relation to other characters, belief in the force, participation in the civil war of the galaxy, demonstration of selflessness, etc etc).
IN CONCLUSION:Han Solo doesn’t get enough credit for his intelligence, ingenuity, bravery, integrity, or his good heart and writing him off as a cocky ladies’ man who blunders his way out of trouble demonstrates a poor understanding of his character.
If you were hoping for a super positive update in Flash
world, you’ve come to the wrong place. Caitlin is officially working with
Savitar and we still don’t know who he is!
But don’t worry, all hope is not lost. Because now we have Tracy Brand, who I will
politely say is a few parsecs short of the Kessel Run. H.R. has taken to her – weird attracts the
weirder, I guess. In the future, she
will develop technology to trap Savitar in the Speed Force, but for right now,
in 2017 she’s the female version of Doc Brown before figuring out the flux
capacitor. Which leaves H.R. to “do his
thing” and inspire her to make the tech that we need. Here’s hoping that for once H.R. can prove
himself since it didn’t really go that well when we tried to Cyrano de Bergerac
our way into her life at Jitters. H.R.
dropped the ball but let’s hope he come through in the long game and keep Tracy
inspired… (Jesus take the wheel)
After our run in with Killer Frost, it reminded me of a Walking Dead episode I recently
watched. The thing I never understood
about that show is why people had such a hard time killing their loved ones
once they turned zombie. It’s like, “She’s not Susie. I know she looks like
Susie, but whatever Susie was in her is gone. Now she’s just someone who wants
to eat you.” I see now that was
narrow-minded of me, when I had to blast Caitlin. I choked.
In my head, I knew it was Killer Frost and it had to be done. But when I
went to fire, I just couldn’t. How do you hurt someone you’ve cared so much
about for so long? It also didn’t help that Julian was following me around
critiquing my every move like he was the freaking eye in the sky in Big
Brother. But like I said, it had to be done, so I did it. Now if you’ll excuse
me, I have a Toy Story marathon to
attend to. If Andy can accept that it was time to give up Woody and Buzz, I can
learn to live with firing at Caitlin.
For the AU meme, if you're still taking requests: Han Solo, accidental Jedi knight
oops accidental bonus headcanons because JEDI KNIGHT HAN SOLO, oooooops oh well too late now!
“It’s LUCK, kid,” Han scoffs dismissively, then proceeds to grab up the lightsaber himself and turn on the training droid, then close his eyes and nail every single bolt before knocking the thing right out of the air. “Also, see that, you don’t even NEED the Force to do that.” “… perhaps, but that was the Force you just did that with,” Obi-Wan replies slowly. “What,” Han says.
It was definitely the Force. “I AM NOT A JEDI,” Han Solo yells as he is dragged kicking and screaming into Jedi training by the power of Luke’s excitement at not being the only one suffering the indignity of getting hit in the ass by randomized droid blaster-shots, literally just that. Also Obi-Wan tells him he might be able to shave half a parsec off the Kessel Run, if he hones his Force-sense finely enough, which, well, FINE then. BUT ONLY FOR THE KESSEL RUN.
“I have a bad feeling about this.”
“I HAVE A VERY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.”
“DID I MENTION THE BAD FEELING THAT I HAVE ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT IS AN INCREASINGLY BAD FEELING.”
Leia is so appalled by the state of the Jedi in this galaxy. “Sorry, sweetheart, we can’t all be bright-eyed little beacons of galactic hope,” Han says, smashing a Stormtrooper over the head with his lightsaber hilt. The blade is blue but NO ONE WOULD FUCKING KNOW, CONSIDERING HOW RARELY HE USES THE DAMN THING. Generally speaking Jedi Knight Han Solo uses his lightsaber as A) a laser cutter and B) a blunt instrument. Obi-Wan is dead and he is STILL going to die of shame on behalf of the Order.
“WHY ARE WE ON THIS HELLISH SWAMP PLANET AND HOW DO WE GET OFF IT YESTERDAY.”
The amount of gimer-stick whaps that Han Solo suffers has not been seen in the galaxy since Yan Dooku was a snotty little baby padawan who couldn’t be assed to pay attention to anything not saberplay for more than fifteen seconds at a time.
Lando takes one look at Han Solo holding a lightsaber and laughs for TEN THOUSAND YEARS. Chewbacca is like THANK YOU, AT LAST SOMEONE ELSE SEES THE FUCKING HILARITY OF THIS SITUATION, THANK YOU, CALRISSIAN.
“Dark Side my fine Corellian ASS, I’ll show you the fucking DARK SIDE, YOU PIECE OF BANTHA SHIT, LET ME AT HIM–”