kerry: parenthood

Do I love my baby? Of course. Would I do anything for my baby? Without question. Do I wish my baby would stop whispering, ‘this small fleshy prison cannot contain me for long’ and floating upside down three feet from the ceiling every night at exactly 3:42 a.m. while inky black goo oozes from the walls? Yes. But it doesn’t make me a bad mother for feeling that way.
—  A Concerned Parent

ultimately cruelty will never work as a teacher but sometimes kids exposed to cruelty do become more compassionate because they’re forced to empathize with people that are difficult to empathize with. it’s taken me a while to understand this…the primary driver of a compassionate person isn’t the experience of cruelty it’s the capacity for empathy and critical thought. what makes people who have been through hell so kind is the ability, developed under necessity, to look at someone who hurts you and justify their bad behavior and see parts of yourself in them…once you’ve learned that, dealing with non-abusive people in an understanding way is easy. But I think if you have open honest conversations with your kids about the reasons behind their behavior and the behavior of other people, and let them know that people aren’t robots and sometimes situations overwhelm them, like getting angry under stress, and that doesn’t make those behaviors right but it does make them normal and human, then it can be possible to raise a generation of deeply compassionate children without ever exposing them to harm.

I never understood why all the characters getting married and having kids is considered a “happy” ending. By settling down, they’ve ended their adventures and become… boring and normal. To me, that’s one of the most depressing endings imaginable. Don’t they deserve better? I think a real happy ending would be if only a few people got married (provided they were worthy of each other), NOBODY had kids, and they all continued having awesome adventures forever.

I found Harry’s portrayal in Cursed Child realistic. This is a boy who was not allowed to deal with his abuse as a child and faced death every year in school. And the last year, he willingly walked to die. He didn’t have any good father figures to emulate. It’s not a surprise for these things to affect him as an adult. “I wish you weren’t my son” was a terrible thing to say, but he immediately regretted it. He’s learning. With the life he’s had, relationships don’t come easily.

I’m a firm believer in the survival of motherhood.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.

What YOU do for YOUR baby is the right way for YOU. Not how the books say, not how your grandma says, not what your sanctimommy-facebook-group says.

As long as no one is being harmed, you do you, boo boo.

In my world, this equates to 25% greatness, 25% failure, and most of the time in the middle.

We don’t CIO or sleep train, but we have a baby who has slept 12-16 hours a night since she was a few days old. We don’t cosleep unless T’s sick, but that’s our preference. We did a mix of BLW and purées at six months old. I EBF until allergies and absorption disorders led us to specialty formula. I choose to raise my child in church & Christian school, but was a public educator for years.

Mamas, raise your babies with your brains and your hearts. You [in my mind] should do your research, but ultimately you need to own your own choices.

That’s why that sweet baby is yours.

You do your best mama, you’ve got this!