“I’ll tell you everything wrong with ___ in less than ___ minutes.” “The first problem is that you exist,” “This scene does not include a lap dance and I’m disappointed.” “Stealing by accident is still stealing.” “You’re enunciating through your nose.” “Apparently saying 'I don’t know’ in a lecture about the pyramids is a huge no-no.” “Oh. Awesome. Could you be a little more vague?” “I have never heard anyone use that pronunciation in my life.” “Only dopey nerds have allergies.” “You know you’re a workaholic when getting called back to work is the only thing that can snap you out of your deep depression caused by your son accidentally killing himself.” “The hell? Do you even coffee?” “You brought in an expert to help you decipher the code but you didn’t show him everything? The fuck kind of logic are you following?” “He’s drawing on the screen with a permanent marker!” “And so he owned it. But he was stupid, so he put it in storage.” “First of all, that was morbid.” “You look beautiful and all, but maybe now’s not the right time to be posing or photos.” “You’re not even offering anything? Just an open hand of gentrification?” “Yes, the questions was lame, but you didn’t have to be such a dick-tard about it.” “I’m killing, smoking, and having everyone else do the work. You really have to appreciate my growth into a beautiful person.” “That guy may have a big dick, but he also IS a big dick. Dick.” “That’s like recycling all the onscreen actions of Two Girls, One Cup.” “That’s the ‘I’m totally in love with them but have no chance’ face.” “BDSM isn’t open during business hours.” “I know you’re comically inept so I’ll let this one go.” “Bonding by way of vandalism. Hmm- Bondalism?” “That’s the fancy way of saying you killed him.” “Sure, the one thing…. the ONE THING you had to do in the middle of a kidnapping plot is to fire a flare up in the goddamn air.” “Your friend is the valedictorian of this school? How badly did everyone else fuck up for them to become the valedictorian?” “To be fair, those birds shouldn’t be chirping. They should be eating that person I killed.” “Not even the wind or that Bronco could undo the mid-life crisis look in your hair.” “Nothing good happens when it involves gloves and a Bronco.” “You’re perfect, in a perfect home and likely have a perfect florist, so why not buy the real thing instead of a painting?” “She was taking that dog to wherever as an accessory, which makes her an awful person and thus rightly tortured for the rest of her life.” “You even walk like a thoroughbred horse at the Kentucky Derby.” “Bow down, bitches.” “Have you see the shit down here? We don’t need no parental advisory.” “Please tell me she didn’t flood the city again just to make this video.” “Ooooh, it’s a metaphor.” “These are some stupid rules.” “I would hope the things you eat didn’t complain, because they should be already dead.”
Losing an eye a year ago wouldn’t stop Patch from becoming a Kentucky Derby 143 contender
Bred and owned by Calumet Farm, Patch
began racing just this past January
and earned enough Derby points from a 2nd place finish in the Grade 2 Louisiana Derby. Trained by Eclipse-winning trainer Todd Pletcher, although Patch may lack the experience of his competitors on the road to Derby 143, he got there with only one eye.
Summary: Stan decides to take the trainees down to Kentucky to practice their tactical driving skills on a professional racetrack and to get a work out in the state’s largest indoor rock climbing facility. Mitch hears a rumor about something that Dan had said about Y/n, and he finds himself even more on edge, only for him and Y/n to find a new way to blow off steam together and attempt to reconnect.
Almost five days had passed by since Dan Brunski, your attacker, had returned to The Barn and so far, nothing had happened.
Brunski kept his distance and did not approach or interact with either Mitch or you, but Mitch was still on high alert. The odds had been evened since Peter Collins, one of the three men who had helped in attacking you on more than one occasion, had left The Barn for good, but Dan still had the element of surprise and it left Mitch tense and hyperaware.
You and Mitch had not been yourselves since Brunski’s return. The two of you had been fighting and you had been pulling away, trying to protect yourself from further pain. You had also been pulling away because you were afraid of what Mitch would do if he saw how bad your post-traumatic stress was actually getting now that you were seeing your sexual assaulter on a daily basis again.
Let’s talk about that love song playing in the bar
It’s called “Annie’s Song,” another John Denver song we
can cry to post-movie. John Denver, before he died, wrote this for his wife at
the time (Annie) on a ski lift in Colorado (as all artists get their
inspiration). This is a very sweet, somber melody, which makes it perfect for
reminiscing—and according to the Internet, it’s also a very appropriate
In this particular instance, this song plays as over a
downcast Eggsy, sitting in a bar alone and waiting for his martini.
When does this scene take place?
Right after Eggsy pleads with Harry, desperate for Harry to
remember him, to come back not to only help save the world, but also be the man
who remembers giving Eggsy that second chance, the love and care and
confidence: “Kingsman needs you. The world needs you. I need
Brady w/Jimmy G & Jacoby B, then TFB & Big Papi. This is what #wordsfail was created for. Churchill Down smay have never seen so much mansomeness and GOAT in one area before. Handlers probably passed out towels to passerbys by to dry themselves off from all the spontaneous sweating and fainting. This is the best looking QB corps in the NFL now, maybe, ever, and then our everything from the past fifteen years of Boston sports. WYeah, I’m fangirling here, but whatever…this is fan pinterest worthy (we’ll call it fanterest). Wouldn’t have blamed anyone if there eyes weren’t on the Kentucky Derby yesterday.
Summary: Agent Whiskey hadn’t been in love since he lost his high school sweetheart. He’d figured he’d never love again. Until you came along and shattered all of his expectations. Pairing: Agent Whiskey x Reader. Fandom: Kingsman Warnings: None. Word Count: 1327 A/N: Some of the information in this might be a little off in regards to The Golden Circle. I’m seeing it again this weekend so more Whiskey fics will be coming then that are hopefully more accurate! Either way, I hope you enjoy this!
Back in 1925, Kentucky Utilities set out to build a damn by flooding the Dix River, a tributary of the Kentucky River. The resulting dam would be known as Dix Dam and the soon to be created lake would forever be known as Lake Herrington. At the time, the dam was regarded as an major engineering accomplishment as it was the largest earth filled dam at the time. Upon completion of the dam, Lake Herrington filled up and took on a maximum depth of 249ft (making it the deepest lake in Kentucky) and covered 2,335 acres (nearly 4 miles).
Like every large man made Lake in North America, Lake Herrington is known as an excellent spot for fishing. The lake contains a high number of different species of fish including catfish, hybrid striped bass, crappie, and bluegill. But there is said to be one aquatic creature in the lake many fishermen hope to never encounter face to face, a creature known as the Eel-Pig.
Almost immediately after the creation of the lake, people from the surrounding area claimed to see the Eel-Pig swimming within. The creature is most often described as being roughly 15ft long with a body like that of an eel and a skin tone/pattern reminiscent of a speckled fish. It is said to be as fast as a boat at times, and also possess a stubby pig-like snout and a somewhat curly tail which are both seen poking out above the water when the creature is in the area.
While many people have claimed to see the Eel-Pig since the 1920’s, the creatures existence wasn’t thought of as possible until a sighting was made in 1972 by a University of Kentucky professor. Lawrence S. Thompson, who owned a lake home on Herrington, stated that he had seen the Eel-Pig swimming around the area on multiple occasions and that after his many sightings, the species of the creature remained unknown. Upon hearing the news that a university professor had witnessed a monster in the lake, the newspaper The Louisville Courier made quick work of setting up an interview. Asking the professor if he truly believed that what he had seen was a real monster, Thompson responded by saying, “it’s only a monster in the sense that one would call an alligator a monster if they had never seen one before.”
While sightings of the Eel-Pig are said to continue, there have been no sightings as prominent as Professor Thompson’s in 1972. This means that for over 92yrs, nobody has figured out what the monster is or was. There are however many theories as to what the Eel-Pig could be. These range from the always outrageous to the possibly believable. Some people claim that during the flooding of the Dix River, Kentucky Utilities inadvertently opened up passage to a series of underground limestone caves in which this species of Eel-Pig already existed. Others think that the monster is actually a prehistoric relic that originally lived in the Mississippi River but made its way down the Kentucky River while following a food source. The monster then became trapped in Lake Herrington after Dix Dam was built. Both interesting and entertaining theories, but realistically improbable.
Other more grounded theories include possibly misidentified alligator gar or other fish species, a real pig that was seen swimming in the lake and misidentified as a monster, a simple prank that took on a life of its own, or an out of place alligator. While it is easy to laugh off at first, it should be noted that out of place alligators often turn up in unlikely places across multiple states. It is really not that hard to believe that an alligator made its way up the Mississippi River and eventually down the Kentucky River into Lake Herrington. Ample food sources with no natural competition in an area can lead animals down many strange paths that they might not originally go.
While the Eel-Pig may seem like nothing but a local legend or funny story to some, others feel it is a legit living creature that has just not been identified yet. Like most other lake and river monsters, this one also draws a line between believers and non-believers. Whatever it is though, it doesn’t seem to be bothering anybody and simply enjoys living its life unbothered in the cold dark water of Lake Herrington.
Requested by Anon: “Harry and Reader are a couple just reunited when he gets his memory back, but he feels insecure about his skills and the loss of his eye, so reader tries to comfort him and fluffiness ensues, maybe Harry allows her to see him without the glasses or the eyepatch for the first time and more fluffiness follows.” Pairing: Harry Hart x Reader Fandom: Kingsman. Warnings: None. Word Count: 1011
I wrote this article in 2013 for Mugglenet, and have recently gotten some messages expressing interest in reading it, plus I’ve seen some grumblings about the unlikelihood of America only having a single Wizarding school in Ilvermorny. I wrote about several disparate magical cultures within America that you guys might appreciate.
Since Mugglenet took my article down, I’m going repost it here for the sake of ease. Remember, this was written long before we knew what the Salem Witches’ Institute actually is, before we knew about MACUSA, and before we knew anything at all about international magical education. Enjoy!
Goblet of Fire gave us a tiny glimpse into the magical world outside of Hogwarts and British wizarding communities. We got informed impressions of Europe’s other wizarding schools—Beauxbatons and Durmstrang—as well as glimpses of other pockets of wizarding society at the Quidditch World Cup, notably the Salem Witches’ Institute.
America is arguably the largest group of consumers of the Harry Potter series, and what young (or old, for that matter) American reader hasn’t wished for their very own experience at a magical academy a la Hogwarts?
This essay proceeds from a place that combines amateur cultural anthropology with pure fan speculation (as all the best headcanons do). The US is massive and has a distinct cultural footprint, depending on the region you find yourself in. In investigating those regions, some obvious imagery, traditions, and stereotypes emerge. As Hogwarts is a twist on any British prep school, this take will hopefully offer a peek into what magical education may be like all over the United States.
Firstly, the magical community at large has to have certain things in common. Magic requires a set of rules, just like any other force. For instance, Golpalott’s Third Law applies to all witches and wizards, regardless of culture, practice, or skill level. There are limits to what magic can and can’t do, although traditions and cultures may have differing approaches to doing whatever falls within the limits.
Another constant? The concept of an item that channels the innate magical talent within a witch or wizard. That is usually a wand (clearly commonly used throughout Europe), but I wouldn’t be surprised if some regions used staves (Africa), or fans (China), or swords (Japan).
However, the historical basis of magic—the legends and figures that surround it—would be very different from the British curriculum. Schools in America wouldn’t talk about King Arthur and Merlin except in a class that concentrated on European magical history. Americans would talk about Johnny Appleseed and Paul Bunyan. Perhaps even Bigfoot, or the Jersey Devil, or some of the legends they brought from their own countries when they immigrated.
In the case of immigration, the sorts of problems that plagued non-magical people and prompted them to immigrate probably didn’t reach magical people in the same way. For example, magical people—especially those who lived remotely—probably weren’t affected by wars and famine the same way non-magical people were.
In terms of exploration and the New World, magical and non-magical people alike probably explored out of a sense of daring and adventure (plus, magical people would have a much easier time avoiding disease and death and rough travel). Then, later on, magical people surely crossed the Atlantic on the Mayflower with the rest of the settlers, assuming they were seeking religious freedom—and perhaps more land in a remote place where it was far easier to maintain secrecy. And, even later, left England in search of freedom from the monarchy; depending, of course, on how entwined the magical community was with the monarchy. I’m inclined to guess that the Kings and Queens—like the current world leaders—knew that wizards existed. Many had court magicians, after all!
Fast forward to now: schooling in America is quite different than in the UK; our school experience is typically broken up into three distinct stages: elementary, middle, and high school. American culture places a large amount of value on the high school experience in particular, and most prep/magnet schools are established at the high school level, so it wouldn’t be surprising if our magical education started later than our British counterparts. However, we’re also obsessed with the college experience, so it might make sense for our magical education to start later, but last longer—a full eight years rather than seven, to mirror the amount of time the average person spends in high school and college combined.
Naturally that poses the question of what happens for the three years or so that a child wouldn’t be spending at a school set up to start just before puberty, like Hogwarts. I feel community schools would probably sprout up, not to mention homeschooling; this is already relatively popular here in the States. Considering the way our government works (as well as the Ministry, considering all magical children there also have tabs kept on them from the moment they’re born), I’m sure that a magical government representative would be sent along to any non-magical home with a magical child once the child starts exhibiting uncontrollable signs of magic, and points the family towards the nearest community school.
These independent schools would teach things of regional importance. Obviously, we can’t be sure there isn’t more than one “proper” wizarding school in the United States, but we’re so vast that I would be amazed if there weren’t at least three, and that each of those would have a distinct teaching style and cultural focus. Let’s have a look at what it might look like if each region had its own school:
The Northeast/New England/Mid-Atlantic:
Considering the stereotype of preppy, yacht-owning Ivy Leaguers in New England and the Mid-Atlantic, I would guess that this area has the most in common with Hogwarts: it’s an old area with a ton of tradition and prestige that’s heavily focused on academic excellence and a sort of elite pride.
Considering the history of the Ivy League and Seven Sisters, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Salem Witches’ Institute (located in Salem, Mass., of course) had originally been a single-sex school that had a brother school (Salem Wizards’ Institute, perhaps). Over time, like the actual Ivy Leagues, the schools would eventually expand/combine to be co-ed (think Vassar), but considering the history of witch-burnings (or, far more typically, witch-hangings) was an endeavor that largely persecuted women, it makes sense to maintain the Witches’ Institute title out of respect and tradition.
The SWI would be a typical New England prep school—lots of brick and ivy and a grassy quad. They would have uniforms and study American magical history on top of their general History of Magic course (probably called ‘History of European Magic’—presumably the history of Magic curriculum at Hogwarts is already concentrated in European history).
SWI would probably focus more on research and furthering magical possibilities far more than Hogwarts does. (I’m sure all of America would. In fact, I bet American witches and wizards figured out how to make computers and internet connections work with magic way back in the late 80s.)
On a lighter note, the Malleus Maleficarum is one of the school’s inside jokes—an original copy is kept proudly on display in their library. Students touch the plaque beneath it for luck before their final exams.
Outside of the Salem area, the most obvious evidence of magical activity is right on display for anyone who would care to look: the hex symbols on farmhouses in Pennsylvania Dutch country.
The northeast has oceans, forests, and mountains—all areas where magical people can embrace nature and collect magical items and ingredients. (There’s a definite “great outdoors” mentality for people who live near those places, and I’m sure witches and wizards would use those elements in their magical practice.)
The Midwest, a huge stretch of corn and cow pastures sprinkled with major metropolitan areas every three or four states, would arguably be the easiest place to live a solitary, rural “wizard’s” existence.
Most wizarding families in the Potter books tend to live rurally (the Weasleys, Lovegoods, and even the Malfoy’s—to an extent—on their remote estate), and it wouldn’t surprise me if some of the more traditional types made their home on the prairies and lived a mostly self-reliant life where they could practice magic in the open with very little fear of being spotted. If any of these families did want to hit the city for a vacation, the cultural centers of the Midwest would probably be Chicago and Kansas City.
This area definitely has the biggest differences in climate within one region, from eastern rains to Tornado Alley to blizzards as the plains stretch west and north and the land crumples into mountain ranges. Midwestern witches and wizards would be very adept at spells that repair broken windows or warm up freezing fingers, not to mention spells that fortify their homes and storm cellars against high winds.
Agriculture and livestock in particular would be magically monitored. Farmers and breeders would be held in high regard, because it takes more than magical skill to be successful. Sure, magic can help ease the way, but you can’t just Accio a calf out of a pregnant cow or else you’ll harm the cow. Cow-tipping (typically super-difficult, but magic takes out much of the effort) would be considered a serious offense.
“The South” is a tricky concept, as it’s one of the most vast and diverse areas of the States. It stretches from Maryland to Florida, across to Kentucky and down to Louisiana, encompassing several cultures, faiths, and surroundings. You’ve got your Bible Belt (if they aren’t railing against magic as “demonic”, perhaps they see these powers as “spiritual gifts”), your French and Voodoo influence on the Bayou (perhaps Beauxbatons has a study-abroad program here?), and Santeria in Florida (a mystical West African/Caribbean religion loosely based in Catholicism and widely practiced among Cubans).
Much like anything else in America, magic probably isn’t separated from religion (unless, of course, you don’t participate in one). After all, Jo has indicated that magic comes from a magical gene, and doesn’t—strictly speaking—contradict any religious beliefs. (That is to say, the presence of magic doesn’t indicate the absence of God/gods, etc.) In that vein, I mentioned American legends earlier: southern children would idolize John Henry and his magical feat against the muggle-invented steam hammer.
It’s likely that, like the UK, wizard governments operate in the same cities as their non-magical counterparts; the South includes DC, so there’s a strong government presence here as well.
I can’t imagine that it would be easy to live in secrecy and isolation in the modern United States, depending on where you live. There’s almost always a major city nearby, not to mention the spread of retail and restaurant franchises. Granted, there’s a lot we don’t know. If magical children are born to muggles, they still have a Social Security number, but what if you’re born to a magical family? Do you pay taxes? Do you just forge your documents if you ever want to travel or work? Or do you use purely magical means? (Is it even possible to Floo or Apparate across oceans or countries?)
Our country relies on the ability to record and track our movements and preferences through our names and Social Security numbers—not just to forward our mail or get paychecks, but to prevent crime. Granted, magical communities deal with very different sorts of crime, and probably a different sort of tracking. It seems most likely that our government is a blend of muggle and magical, with a secret wizarding branch that works as a small-scale mirror of our own government and a figurehead that acts as a Presidential liason to the wizarding world (I wonder how many, if any, of our Congressmen and Senators are magical). The muggle president himself would remain the country’s leader for both magical and non-magical people. (And who knows? Perhaps we’ve even had a magical President once or twice!)
Make no mistake, Texas is quite distinct from the South. Even international folks know the Texas stereotypes—everything’s bigger, especially the guns.
Obviously this is an overstatement, but there are elements of this that could ring true in a wizarding community. For example, dueling is already somewhat acceptable in the wizarding world. I wouldn’t doubt that Texas’ stance on dueling is very relaxed. One must wonder if the Killing Curse is illegal except when used in self-defense.
Considering the affinity for all things gun, I’d love to see Texan wands decked out in engraved metalwork in the style found on old-West pistols. Perhaps the broomsticks have tooled leather saddles (although I imagine horses are still very popular with magical people and muggles alike).
Two words: desert magic. Think stones, sand, and bones. (Can you imagine a wizarding home in New Mexico or Nevada: always cooled to the perfect temperature and decorated all over with well-picked carcasses of little-known magical reptiles; shiny turquoise set into their skulls like eyes?)
The southwest is probably the smallest region, in terms of wizarding population. This area wouldn’t just be Native American-influenced—all of the old, experienced wizards and witches would be Natives; that culture of ceremony, hierarchy, and respect would be a major cornerstone. I’d love to see the use of vultures instead of owls
There’s an oasis in the Southwest region: Southern California. SoCal has a surfeit of sun, sand, and surf—not to mention horrific traffic. Witches and wizards are pretty lucky when it comes to Southern California: they can buy magically-enhanced sunscreen (or make it themselves) and they can avoid the terrible traffic jams whenever they want.
Salt and water are both pretty powerful magical symbols, and the coast certainly has plenty of both to work with. I could see coastal wizards and witches using ocean water in place of fresh water for whatever potion they happen to be making, or even boiling or evaporating the water in order to get a supply of sea salt.
You may know that this region’s Hispanic/Latino population has recently equaled the white population. There would be plenty of Mexican, Dominican, and South American influence here, which would undoubtedly affect the way magic is practiced on a cultural level.
(On a related note, can you think of any other country that’s as obsessed with culture as America? Considering our culture is essentially borrowed, we talk about ourselves as “Italian” or “German” when, to actual Italians and Germans, we’re simply American. Imagine a young American witch of Italian descent—think third or fourth generation—who holds on very tightly to the strega tradition in order to have a sense of culture. Or, more accurately, to the superficial trappings of a strega tradition. After all, the guido types and their ilk are hardly a shining example of ‘real’ Italian culture—whatever that is/was!)
Pacific Northwest/Northern CA:
I know it’s a popular headcanon that the Salem Witches’ Institute is actually in Salem, Oregon, but I would bet money Jo was referring to the one in Massachusetts. However, I think it would make sense to have a sister campus in Oregon. One that is far more relaxed, earthy, and “touchy-feely” than her preppy counterpart. (Perhaps nearby Canadians decide to attend SWI’s Oregon campus instead of traveling to Toronto or Quebec.)
The Pacific Northwest is more remote and lush and has a Native American influence that surely affects the study of magic and mysticism. Perhaps some of the students even do an intensive “study-abroad”-type curriculum where they live and work in a native community and study their belief systems and personal magical practices—like using ravens instead of owls, for example. (Perhaps this would blur the line between who can use/access magic and who can’t—after all, is every native medicine man or shaman a witch or wizard?)
Having visited this area, I can tell you I’ve never seen greener leaves anywhere in my life. The thick forests would be a great place to study herbology using indigenous plant life, and undoubtedly house at least a few magical creatures to be studied in their natural habitats. I wouldn’t be surprised if the students of this school had the tendency to become nature conservators or [magical] animal activists. Perhaps part of the curriculum would be to study wand woods, and even fashion their own wand from local trees.
This region also encompasses wine country; fertile, sprawling vineyards everywhere. Could casking and aging a magical wine itself be considered a branch of potioneering? Can wine be magical? (For example, what distinguishes the distilling of firewhiskey from that of regular whiskey? Is it a magical element?) Perhaps vintners are considered master potioneers/concocters in their own right.
Being the last states to join the Union, Hawaii and Alaska had the longest time to construct and practice their native cultural traditions. Their large populations of native peoples already base much of their beliefs in mystical lure, and surely the residents approach their magic the same way. (Do Hawaiians wax their wands the way they wax their longboards?)
Magical people living in Hawaii or Alaska would have a more limited ability to get the kind of supplies that the mainland has so readily available, and the climates are so distinct that the difference in wildlife and vegetation are bound to have adjusted how certain potions are made or how transfiguration affects an elk or a sea lion as opposed to a deer or a cow. Maybe Alaskans (particularly natives) know the secret to making an amazing frostbite-repelling salve out of seal blubber. Both Alaskans and Hawaiians would have evolved the most efficient magical means to fish and would definitely conjure the best, most powerful fires!
This is the opinion of one fan, but I would love to hear any divergent opinions, or any ideas that build on what I’ve written here. Feel free to message me and respond with your ideas!