(some secretly married Patater and Ace rookies for you because I am still in rareship hell)
Kent doesn’t call himself a lightweight, because he’s not. Not really. In fact,
after two shots he can claim with so much certainty that he’s had eight shots
that even a lie detector would have a difficult time proving him wrong. But
that’s mostly because he’s so far gone that he believes literally whatever is
coming out of his mouth.
The Aces have Kenny Patrol, to make sure Kent doesn’t make off with someone
when he’s far too inebriated, and to make sure that someone doesn’t kidnap
their captain and return him with both kidneys missing or something. It used to
be Jeff, because he had a soft spot for Kent when he was first drafted, but
after five times on Kenny Patrol, which he invented, he realizes that one does
not actually want to be on Kenny Patrol for too long. Kent Parson drunk is
funny, for sure, and he didn’t even know
Kent could drop it that low. But after the dancing (Jeff’s pried Kent off a few
people and once had to get in between this really grabby buff dude trying to
grind and grope Kent at the same time), all he ever gets was the same story
where Kent adopts his cat and almost got his left cheek clawed off for the
first month and a half, when he had been hoping for embarrassing blackmail
stories about old hookups or the likes. (Jeff notices that, with each
retelling, Kit Purrson’s scratches become more vicious, and Kent gets increasingly
weepier: “Jeffffffff, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Jeff I
love her so much she’s so amazing. A queen. Cat royalty. Jefffff—”).
But Jeff is a genius. Jeff decides to make Kenny Patrol seem like an honor and
a privilege to the rookies. He says, “Oh man, the last time Parser was drunk,
he said some of the craziest shit. Too bad you weren’t there.” There are
rookies who idolize Kent fighting for Kenny Patrol that night. He congratulates
himself and, after rounding up two of the rookies, Todd and Dom, tells them the
steps and rules of Patrolling:
Got A Question For The Most Supportive Dad In The Universe?
Dr. Keith is finally able to enjoy some damn peace and quiet today. He’s given Esther and the boys access to his charge card and he has the house all to himself while they shop. Keith is here to give sage advice, answer your questions about Queen Honey Thighs and his five precious lil sluggers, or just talk about the musical genius of Kenny Loggins.
Metal Battle (From Smash Bros Melee)- This is easily the coolest of the metal battle themes from the smash bros franchise. It just gets me so pumped, and the metal impacts throughout just amplify that by ten. One of the best songs to work out to.
Hooked on a Feeling (by Blue Suede)- OOGAH SHAKA OOGAH OOGAH OOGAH SHAKA OOGAH OOGAH OOGAH SHAKA OOGAH OOGAH OOGAH SHAKA OOGAH OOGAH OOGAH SHAKA OOGAH OOGAH OOGAH SHAKA HAHAHA I LOVE THIS SONG
Crazy Chicks (by Ken Ashcorp)- My fiance’s favorite Ken Ashcorp song. Fucking great song. Kenny is a god damn lyrical genius.
Suite from Zootopia (by Michael Giacchino)- A great soundtrack by a great composer. Easily my favorite film composer, and one of my favorite films of all time.
Bowerstone (from Fable)- This soundtrack just fits the game so much. It’s not really an OST I put on to listen too a whole lot, but a classic nonetheless. Not my favorite song on the soundtrack, but it’s still really fun. Give Fable a shot if you haven’t yet (I recommend Fable 2 most).