kendalljenner

The Pepsi Marketing Team: A dialogue

Scene: Three white dudes sitting around a meeting table, at Pepsi HQ. 

Marketing dude 1: So guys, I’ve been thinking, protests are huge right now. How about we integrate protests into our commercial concept?

Marketing dude 2: Great idea, Chad! Man, what is all that protesting about anyway?

CHAD: I have no idea Bryce, but its HOT.

Marketing dude 3: You know what else is HOT? The Kardashians.

CHAD: Good thinking, Brad. So how can we put it all together?

BRYCE: I’ve got it guys. So here’s the scene, a protest , right–

CHAD, interjecting: — not political though, like, just a protest

BRYCE: (excitedly) yeah, yeah exactly. A protest is going on, and then switch scenes– Kendall is doing a photo shoot— 

BRAD: –You know she’s a model? 

CHAD: Wow, so hard-working.

BRYCE: –anyway she sees the protest. And she’s like, so “woke” right–

BRAD: –Woke?

CHAD: That’s a hot phrase right now.

BRAD: What does it mean? 

BRYCE: It means like, “trendy”, but with politics or whatever.

CHAD: That doesn’t sound quite right.

BRYCE: Whatever. ANYWAY, So Kendall is like “oh a protest!” and the crowd of protesters approach a wall of police–

BRAD (excitedly) : in riot gear???!

CHAD: No no, not riot gear, we don’t want to make the police look bad.

BRYCE: Ok yeah. they’re monitoring peacefully. and the protesters are all happy and dancing.

CHAD: yeah man, I went to Coachella once, and that’s totally like a protest, so we can do like a Coachella aesthetic.

BRAD: Nice.

BRYCE: OK ok guys so here’s the kicker right? Kendall joins the protest, and she’s got a Pepsi, right? And so she walks up to one of the police, and she gives him a Pepsi- and then like, the protest is solved!

BRAD: OH man that is SO good

CHAD: Bryce you are a genius.

(A manager pokes his head into the meeting room)

MANAGER:  Hey guys, what have you got for me so far?

CHAD: Well, we’ve got a kind of “Pepsi solves World Peace” vibe going. 

MANAGER: That sounds pretty good– hey make sure you throw some “diversity” in there, ok? Our market testing numbers show that people like that.

CHAD: Yeah of course- already on it!

(Manager smacks the door frame twice, then leaves)

BRAD: Well…. Kendall is like… not white, right?

BRYCE: I’m not sure dude, but “Kardashian” doesn’t sound white

CHAD: “Jenner” does though….

BRAD: ok ok, we’ll find a way to get some diversity in there. We can ask Areeb from product management!

BRYCE: Nice. 

CHAD: Ok so the idea is; An apolitical protest is going on– for world peace or something– and Kendall sees it while she is modeling. And she’s so “woke” so she leaves her shoot to join the cause. She’s like, just another person, “just like everyone else” type of deal. 

Cut in Coachella scenes- but like– with diversity– she moves through the crowd, she’s got the Pepsi, and she brings the Pepsi to the police.

BRAD: The upstanding professional “serve and protect-ors”

CHAD: Exactly. So she brings the Pepsi to the police and the vibe is, like, a peace-offering 

BRYCE: World peace is solved

BRAD: World peace is solved!

CHAD: nice work everyone. I’ll make a powerpoint.