Pokedex Entry: Charchamp, the Holy-Balls-I’m-Going-To-Die pokemon

This pokemon came straight out of hell. It is known to burn villages, decimate armies, and drown small children. The devil himself weeps when it sings its doomsong.

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Pokedex Entry: Mewssingno., the Future-Devouring Pokemon.

Mewssingno. is the only Pokemon with complete omniscience. It knows where you live. It knows who you love. It knows you still pee your bed at night. And it knows you tried to cheat to get infinite Rare Candies and Masterballs. 

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“Pokedex Entry: Magnetoise, the Theres-no-way-this-is-a-pokemon Pokemon.
Bound by unholy magicks, this pokemon defies both science and general reason. The third, fourth, and fifth eyes on its body allow it to see into the future and accurately predict the outcomes of sporting events. It enjoys taking long baths. In blood.”

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“Pokedex Entry: Marother, the I-Will-Cut-You Pokemon.
This pokemon is an ungodly mesh of bone and sinew. It can cut anything with its forearms: trees, rocks, mountains, spaceships, babies, anything. Due to its bony exterior and large, sharp scythes, it will never know the embrace of a lover or the warmth of a child’s laughter.”

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“Pokedex Entry: Venudrill, the Are-You-Freaking-Kidding-Me Pokemon.
As the flower on its back has evolved into a gross pair of freakish wings, Venudrill no longer feels pretty. This loss of its one attractive quality drives it into a deep sense of self-loathing and shame which is only cured by devouring supermodels, wealthy politicians, and anyone who’s ever been on the Disney channel.”

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