Kelso’s Diary Entry: #10

Takin´ It to the Streets

Next year, after I finish my Police Academy training, I’m going to have to choose a specialty. And that’s a tough decision. There are a lot of ways to go in the police force, and I’m only one guy. One extremely handsome and talented guy. Only one department will be lucky enough to get me, so I have to choose carefully.

I’ve been doing a lot of research, staying up late watching re-runs of police shows. I know I don’t want to be Quincy because dead people smell. (You learn a lot of important facts like that in the Academy.) And I don´t want to be Barney Miller because I need to get out, man. There are perps committing crimes and Officer Kelso needs to be out on the streets, making this town safe and sexy.

I definitely don´t want to be McMillan because a wife would crimp my style. I could be Ironsides, but he’s in a wheelchair, and I like walking too much. I’d like to be Police Woman just for a chance to get into the women’s showers, but they probably wouldn’t go for that. And I can´t be Baretta because I´m scared of birds.

So I thought maybe I could join the Starsky and Hutch division. Those guys get some great wheels, and they get to jump off roofs and stuff, which I´m really good at. I was all set to put in my request, but then CHiPs came on. That’s when I realized I need to be on a bike, the wind blowing through my hair as I fight crime and protect babes on the beach. Yup, that´s it. I´ll be a WHiP. Wisconsin Highway Patrol. I’ll be the Ponch of the Great Lakes.

I can´t wait to graduate.

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