I think that people have an unhealthy obsession with being (or appearing to be) busy. But the thing is, “busy” doesn’t always mean productive or good or purposeful. Sometimes the busy-ness is just a distraction. A distraction from what you really need…and what you really long for. Sometimes those quiet moments where nothing is going on are actually the most useful. Those moments where you can actually hear yourself think. Those moments where you can really let yourself feel. Those moments where you can stop and actually smell the roses that you were too busy to realize had taken bloom. Those are the moments where you can begin to put into focus what all of the busy-ness made a blur. Those are the moments that count….at least to me anyway.
I left out of the house with no makeup on yesterday. I never wear much anyway. Just a little mascara. That’s great progress from where I used to be. Never a completely “done” face, but it was very rare for me to step out without concealer, a little foundation, mascara, and heavy eyeliner.
I was so insecure about my skin. Sensitive and difficult. Bumpy and blotchy. As I got older the bumps went away (somewhat) but the unevenness remained. It wasn’t until I started oil cleansing a few months ago that my face decided to cooperate, so I ditched the coverup. I hated it anyway. I used to live for heavy eyeliner but he said I looked more pleasant and approachable without it. Surprisingly, I agreed and decided to ditch that too.
I hopped in the car and he wouldn’t stop looking at me. I felt so naked, but not in the good way as I did the night before. “I forgot my mascara.” I retorted. Hours passed and aside from the numerous kisses he gave me, he wouldn’t stop looking at me. In the car, in line at the movie theater, at the table in the restaurant. I appreciated all of the attention but part of me couldn’t decipher whether it was positive or negative; because he wanted to or because he felt that he had to, maybe because I was so plain looking.
After a while, he looked at me and said:
“You are so beautiful. You know that? Your face is like a ray of sunshine. I can’t stop looking at you. I guess your makeup is like the clouds. It just covers everything that’s beautiful about the sun. I support whatever you do, but just know that you don’t need any of it. You’re absolutely beautiful…a ray of sunshine.”
His words are still echoing into today.
Will I ever wear makeup again? Of course. But to know that I am seen and loved, flaws and all, with or without it is definitely something to beam about.