kei rants

I just wanted to say that if you’re making scenarios for Seventeen and Joshua is in it: don’t make him out as some sort of Jesus freak. It seems like you’re making fun of the fact that he’s religious. It bugs me to read something then the next sentence saying “Joshua would be at your door saying, "Hello would you like to talk about our lord and savior Jesus?” “ and it’s like ok we get it he’s Christian and you’re acting/writing him out like he shoves his religion down everyone’s throat. You’re probably thinking that I’m overreacting and being too serious, but it really isn’t funny. It’s not funny to make someone’s religion into a comedic line. It honestly ruins the mood for stories.

Boy Who Might Be Into Me seriously doesnt take the goddamn hint. we had to make teams yesterday and i went to join some other guys i had been talking to earlier bc yay! new friends! and also cute nice boys who share my interests! but Boy still asked me, as if we were a pack, “oh, so we’re joining them?” and invited himself in. and today i saw he was already sitting down when i got to the classroom, so i made the extra effort of sitting on the opposite side of the classroom, and this Boy just goes, stands up, and sits next to me anyway 🙄

I like you FNDM, but please, the most of you that send hate for something people like and dislike? Please just stop. You’re being the nightmare people stay away from in real life for being judged of what they like and dislike. 

And if you tell me to shut up, make a valid point why I should shut up. If you just tell me:

“ Shut up and stop being an asshole saying this.”

or something like that with NO VALID POINT why I should talk like this then I will not stop.

If you give me one good reason not to talk like this then by all means you are all welcome

Random Thoughts on Zaulie, part 2

I am really curious as to how many people who rant about Zaulie every day on twitter have had real life relationship experiences. I’m talking romantic relationships, otherwise I’m only guessing that they wouldn’t be so judgmental or think that Z and/or Paulie can just break away from what they developed while living inside of that house for months. I mean…. honestly, think about that. These two people created a true bond on both an intimate and mental level, and people think they can just walk away from that because of things said and done on a reality game show? 

Let me be plainly clear for those who are confused about how life works when you become involved with someone on a more serious level: Real life relationships are MESSY. AS. FUCK. And let me be honest, the messiest ones are those in which you have developed a strong physical and emotional bond with the other person. It’s a hell of alot easier to break away from someone that you’ve yet to develop that with because at the end of the day, you’ve formed zero attachments to them. This is why Zaulie were so real in that house – the fights, the make ups, the sadness, the anger, the sweet moments, the rocky moments, the intense moments, the looks, the sex, the touches, the entire roller coaster of emotions that we ALL felt right along with them. This is why Paulie was a total mess after she left, this is why their feelings started trumping the game for both of them, this is why they were both evicted one week right after the other and why he never truly got back in the game like he was in it before she left.

Like, you don’t have to like how shit went down between them each time as far as their fights and make ups went, but folks gotta understand: this is grown folks shit, like, real grown folks relationship shit. It’s not easy, it’s not cute, it ain’t always sexy and people get hurt, people cry, people say shit that they don’t mean. When it’s on camera, it makes it look ten times worse. But again, let me be clear: How they acted with each other as far as their relationship outside of the game? That is just fucking life, and it’s a shame that so many folks my age have yet to understand what that shit truly means. The fact is, if you’re grown and know your worth, as well as the one you’re with and the relationship that you have, you can work through it and move past the BS that has gotten in the way of what you need in order to grow as a pair and individually. 

Another thing folks need to understand: Zaulie were in a game, A GAME, in which they were competing AGAINST each other for 500k. Lies, deceit, betrayal abound. It’s Big Brother for eff sake. This was not Are You the One?, this was not The Bachelor. They were competitors who happened to fall in these feelings for each other and shit got in the way because of the game. Again, a GAME. If these two people can separate game shit from real life shit, ie, he was an ass in the game but has legit feelings for her, she could act childish in the game but has legit feelings for him, why can’t people in this fandom somehow do the same? No shade, just tea. We saw glimpses of who they were with each other, when it was just them together with no mess or bullshit involved. How that seems to get overlooked by so many is lost on me, truly.

Now, if they find they don’t like each other on the outside (LOL, sure), then that’s that. But folks need to seriously get it together and understand that once you get involved with someone on that deep level shit, you’re gonna have to work at it if it’s what you truly want in moving forward. And you’re damn sure not going to let anyone else influence your decisions once you’ve made up your mind. Being an adult in life means living for yourself. Not living for others, not trying to rise to anyone else’s expectations. Adults are messy, we make mistakes, we learn, we live, we love, we have sex, we thrive and we’re happy when we’re doing what the hell we want, when the hell we want with nobody telling us what the hell to do and how to do it, and keeping their tired ass, unasked for opinions on how we live that life to themselves.

So to close this rambling AF post, I’ll just say this: you can get advice from family and friends on your relationships, but family and friends are not living your life, family and friends are not in your shoes, family and friends are not who your feelings should matter to when it comes to your heart and the rest of your own damn life. So let Paulie and Zakiyah live for themselves. Whatever the hell they choose to do with each other, it ain’t up to us. 

But I’ll be damned if I won’t be watching how they do it from afar, AYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

You know what?

I’m fucking tired.

Not from lack of sleep or lack of relaxation, but from lack of justice. From the lack of peace in this world.

I’m tired of seeing people getting attacked. My people, black people, getting beaten up, getting gunned down, and getting ignored. Getting all this hate just because of their skin color. Getting killed just for being alive. Because apparently our black existence takes up too much goddamn space.

I’m tired of waking up everyday just to see it on the news. Cop Kills Black Man on Highway. Wife And Child Left Behind. Offenses Caught on Video. I’m sick of these tragedies becoming another daily headline.

I’m tired of never walking alone. Always having someone by my side because I’m constantly in danger. Looking behind me with every step to make sure I’m not being followed. Holding my house key in the palm of my hand because it’s the only defense I have. Putting my white friend in front of me because I know they’d be less likely to shoot me if they see her first.

I’m tired not know what to do. Where to go. Who to call. We can’t call the police because the police are killing us. The ones whose job is to protect us are throwing us headfirst into danger. What am I supposed to do? What are any of us supposed to do?

I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of having to explain it. I’m tired of people screaming “ALL LIVES MATTER” to counteract Black Lives Matter because they think it’s unfair. But what’s really unfair is that people don’t see it. They don’t see that all lives matter. If all lives truly did matter to everyone, we wouldn’t need to say that black lives matter in the first place. We aren’t saying that certain lives don’t matter, we’re trying to get people to understand that ours do. Our lives matter, so please stop killing us. Please stop making me afraid to leave the house. Please stop making me scared for the day that I live on my own and have to walk the streets by myself. Please stop making me feel like my existence is a crime, like I am a disgrace for being dark, like my days are numbered. Please stop.

Please make me have faith in humanity again.