My journey that’s brought me here

I have always kind of struggled with my weight. I’ve always thought I was fat. My mom put me on weight watchers when I was in 3rd grade… the crazy thing about that is I still had my baby fat and I really think she just needed to chill. Maybe if she made better choices for the food we had in the house I wouldn’t have had as much baby fat… anyway..

Around the time I was on weight watchers my career in softball got a little more serious. I began travel softball. A few years into playing I got really tall and skinny. Alllllll skin and bones. It was fantastic. Then as I got older I started filling out. I was never the most fit girl on the team.

I got to college as a student athlete and all of a sudden I was tired of being the slow out of shape one and I started doing crossfit and eating paleo and I lost 30 lbs. I got really strong and continued to lift. After that I promised myself I would never be “big” again.

After I stopped playing softball everything went downhill. The depression increased. I had insomnia, panic attacks, endless nights of binging. Drinking, smoking weed, and just eating nonstop.

Fast forward two years I had gained 80 LBS! Two years of making excuses sitting on my ass and eating horribly I hit my rock bottom. My biggest was 255 lbs. I couldn’t believe that I had become what the doctors see as obese.

I am 5’11 and I was just huge for me. So right now I am at 228 lbs and I am trying to get back to where I was and then get even better. I am even considering doing a bikini competition in the future if I can get there. One of my best friends competes in physique so I think it would be incredible to both compete.

I am extatic about my journey. I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever. I wouldn’t change anything in my past because it has brought me to where I am today. I have been through it all with my fitness. I have become so strong mentally. I know I can do this. I will get through the hard times and I will achieve my goals. Yes it would be easier to have just stayed fit but then I wouldn’t have my amazing transformation to show my clients.

This is it: this is your sign. You’re brand new, refreshed, empowered to change. Your calmer, softer times are coming. Your confidence, your happiness, your bliss, is arriving. Self acceptance is easier, and taking care of yourself is no longer a chore, but something you look forward to. You start to feel replenished - you’re *you* again - and the next chapter of your happier life begins now.

Please Remember...
  • You are never as awkward as you think you are
  • You are never as annoying as you think you are
  • You are never as boring as you think you are
  • Your compliments are never as creepy as you think they are
  • You are way more wanted than you give yourself credit for
  • Chin up, everything’s going to be okay, okay?

I hope 2018 is gentle and kind to you. I hope you get to rest from the pain and suffering of breaking through your shell and begin to experience the bliss and joy of blossoming. I hope you are kind to others, and I hope you also remember to be kind to yourself. I hope you are able to heal from everything you’ve been through the past few years. I hope you are able to let go of all the pain you’ve been carrying in your bones and in your heart. I hope this is the year that makes you so grateful you’ve kept going through the nights you thought you couldn’t make it. I hope this is the year that will make you say it was all worth it, all of the pain you’ve felt and dark times you’ve been through. I hope this is the year you rediscover your light.

You must find your why.
That why that gets you up early in the morning.
That why that has you staying up late.
That why that keeps you going.
If your why does not fill you up with a mixture of emotions, bringing with it both happiness and tears, laughter and anxiousness, eagerness and worries,
then it is not your why.
Keep searching until you find it.
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin

If you have to re-take a class, because you didn’t do so well it’s okay. if you have to spend an extra year in school because of current struggles it’s okay. These are only parts of your life, this isn’t your entire life. Only a small scene part of the bigger movie. A grade doesn’t define your worth. You are still a human being with value. Do your best. Grind as hard as you can, reach out to your professor and network with other students to study together. Don’t give up. There are so many more options out there for you. 

This is only a low point, this isn’t the end for you. 

Peace. 

As long as you wake up in the morning, you are still in the game. As long as you’re breathing, you are still a fighter. Nothing can stop you from moving forward.

Absolutely nothing.

—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin