keep this trick company

sometimes people ask me what i think about the champion of kirkwall. this is perplexing. they are named hawke, are they not? what else would i think about them?

personally, i believe kirkwall should have seen this coming. they’re lucky that bird mage only blew up the chantry. do you see the company that they keep? i know your tricks, hawke; the shiny one was to attract all the other birds. they wore disguises, walked around like humans

honestly, kirkwall had it coming to them. this is what happens when you let a bird be your champion. truly, you should have been prepared for this long ahead of time. instead you gave a bird one of your shiny chantry candle holders and allowed them to recruit other birds to their heinous cause. you may as well have smeared yourself in peanut butter, rolled around in birdseed and yelled HERE, BIRDIES. HERE, BIRDIES, BIRDIES. i mean, the gall (or should that be gull, as from what i understand kirkwall was rather a garbage dump, was it not?)

and yet you are surprised. “oh no! that bird man destroyed the building!” yes, he did, to replace it with a bird sanctuary. there is no escape. do not be fooled.

there is no mage versus templar conflict. there is no human versus elf conflict. there is no dwarf versus tall, high shelves conflict. there is only one conflict: us versus the birds

and when we allow birds to play with explosives and become champions and have shiny things, we set ourselves up for failure