Rambling about art and style. Feel free to skip.
For a while now, the act of drawing has been less enjoyable to me. There was even a time when I convinced myself that art was supposed to feel soul-sucking, and that I somehow unlocked its true nature by trying to learn more about it and should feel “honoured” (no and no). But that couldn’t be right, as I hadn’t always felt like this.
So, I tried to pinpoint when things began going downhill and realized that art started feeling like a chore the moment I turned to a painterly style - or rather, the moment the novelty of that painterly style wore off.
I’ve known for a while that I find painting boring. Don’t get me wrong, I think those sorts of styles are beautiful, and sometimes love what I have done with them… But the process has never been fun. Ever. It’s two hours of splodging colours together hoping they look alright, followed by 4-12 hours of “am I done yet?” and an eternity of “oh my god that nostril is out of proportion and it ruins everything”.
I knew this. I knew it in February when I switched from lineart to painting. I knew it in June when I almost considered giving up on art altogether. I knew it yesterday when I finished a painting (I didn’t like) and realized I could have done in two hours what I had done in six with a simpler style.
I just couldn’t accept it, because it felt like I had come too far to change my style back.
Well, it’s not. Or at least I hope it’s not. I’ll still keep painting in my artillery for commissions and when I feel like making something extra special, and I’ve learned a lot from it, so I can’t be mad either. But I think it’s well overdue I try something new, something quicker, something more fun. Because I love art too much to let it be painful.
Moral of the story: I’m a stubborn fool. But also (!!) change is okay and nothing to be afraid of, especially if it can fix something that’s making you unhappy. Even in art. Especially in art, if you’re anything like me and it’s your one constant.