keep it vertical


To Whom It May Concern:

A lot of people have expressed a desire for an update on President Donald J. Trump’s health since his inauguration. I have been the personal physician of President Donald J. Trump since 1980 and I am here to say that Mr. Trump’s health is absolutely better than ever.

Since being sworn in, Donald Trump has lost 50 pounds and gained 17 inches of height. He’s the longest president who has ever lived. His livers are both functioning flawlessly. His blood sets an all-time record for the state of New York for “most” and his blood pressure was rated “excellent” by seven different Fox News Twitter polls. He doesn’t even have one cholesterol.

I can say this unequivocally: Donald Trump has the most bones. Scientists estimate that he now has around 900 bones in his body and more are being discovered every day. Some of those bones have never been seen before. They allow him to be really good at presidential things like signing executive orders and making love nightly to his wife who wants him to.

Mr. Trump’s test results have been astonishingly excellent. He actually has a blood type we’ve never seen before: “All.” It’s both the universal donor and universal recipient, and sprinkling it on your penis makes your penis bigger. Mr. Trump’s blood is gorgeous. It has a rich color that’s hard to describe, but if I had to put it into words, I might call it “red.”

President Donald Trump has no family history of cancer, diabetes, or death. The president’s family members are immortal beings that walk the earth without end, craving the sweet release of death that will never come unless they make a deal with a cool witch. Donald Trump will never die, he will just keep growing vertically forever until he lives in space. It’s really astonishing.

His physical strength is extraordinary. He can lift as much as a mother whose child is trapped under a car, but he’s more attractive than that mother and he hasn’t let himself go like she has. Have you seen the way she dresses lately? The hypothetical mother in this simile is a total chunk. 4 at best. As the famous doctor Hippocrates once said, “Would not hit.”

Since the Inauguration, Mr. Trump has kept an extremely active lifestyle. He starts every morning by walking straight up into the sky and then walking down again. He also visits me regularly for checkups. Mr. Trump doesn’t let me touch him because of gay, so I just eyeball it and give him a once over. I can usually tell just by looking how much blood is in him that day or which liver has taken the lead, so it’s not a super intensive process.

Mr. Trump is not only the healthiest president that has ever served, but also the most handsome. I usually want to kiss President Trump when I see him, but I would never break the doctor-patient trust, so instead I kiss the portrait of him I drew on my little note pad. There have been no presidents that even come close to President Trump in terms of overall health and hotness. Franklin Pierce was pretty hot, but his body wasn’t great. James Garfield was more cute than hot. President Trump is the total package. I know this because of my stethoscope.

Just to give a little more background on me, I’ve been a doctor for years. I got into medicine the same way a lot of doctors do: I once took an unmarked pill that I found under a toilet in a public restroom, and the next thing I knew, I was blacked out doing surgery on a man on a Benihana table with the big knives they got over there. I flipped this guy’s appendix right into my hat. And that’s when I caught the bug, for surgery and for tetanus!

Now, I want to address some of the slanderous things that have been said about me. It’s just like these coastal elites to say I’m not qualified as a physician. They think you need fancy things, like a diploma from Harvard Med School or a diploma from a med school or a GED or a car or medicine or clean hands. You don’t need those to be a doctor! All you need is the right attitude and a good sense of humor and to be Jewish and a blank death certificate just in case!

This is America. We’re not “fancy” here. You’re supposed to be able to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and put a bunch of clamps in a guy and see what tubes you can clamp up without making him sleep forever. My grandfather was a blue-collar worker, and so was my father. I am a red-collar worker because my collar is always covered in spurting blood. I may not know art or science or what a “lung” is, but I do know that I love America and am a lung-doctor!

Because of my love of America and Donald Trump, it is an honor to be his physician. Donald Trump could teach us all a thing or two about health. Not only is he the healthiest human ever, but also the healthiest dog, house and Faberge Egg. I wish him luck as he continues on his endless journey.


“Doctor” Harold N. Bornstein, M.D. (Mostly Doctor)

anonymous asked:

Hello this will sound stupid probably but how do you do head/face construction outlines or how you think the best way to do it is

ahhh hmm.. I will try my best to give you some info at least on how i do it/good things ive seen? I don’t have a lot of rules about my faces and I tend to just kind of Go At It a lot of the time? But I can give you some things to think about or the techniques I like to use. There are lots of ways to construct heads and stylize faces. 

I think the most important things I keep in mind, like with everything else, is that the head is a solid object with volume, and that it has its own muscles and fat and stuff. 

in terms of anatomy, with the way i stylize stuff, i like to show a few key things

1) The head is not separate from the neck, and it is not just sitting on the next like a lollipop. The neck interacts with the head. Most people also have at least a little bit of neck/chin fat, if not just loose skin there so that you can move your head. that area is in general soft. 

2) the eyes are In the head, not just stickers on the head or spheres stuck to the head. (of course, this is not the only way to stylize, this is just what I like to show) the eyes are set into the cheek.

3) the mouth area makes no sense like thats not how that works but don’t worry about it. 

the most basic way i construct a head is i start with like, a sphere, which im sure you’ve seen before: 

the lines of the symmetry for me are pretty rough. i don’t follow them very specifically. I use them more for like “the head is facing this direction on this axis and this direction on this other axis” 

vertical line is how far left or right its rotated, and the horizontal is how far up or down. I know the horizontal line is supposed to also be roughly where the eyes go, but I don’t really follow that too carefully. I mean it helps figure out where the eyes are going to be, but if it ends up not feeling right, be free to adjust. It’s more for keeping the head volumetric.

then i have a second oval (of varying shapes for different faces) for the lower half of the face. the top of the cheek starts roughly at the horizontal line of symmetry. I tend to think of this also as a volume. 

This maps out the entire lower half of the head for me, so im sort of like, drawing all the way around underneath the head if that makes sense? it’s very helpful for drawing heads in weird perspectives. For example it helps with over the head perspective a lot because it sort of puts the jaw underneath the cheek bones, underneath the forehead, etc. 

then i construct the face over that, using the nose to indicate direction by keeping it right on the vertical axis or floating over the vertical axis.

In doing facial expressions, I think something really important to keep in mind is the retention of mass. Like, even when you’re stretching the face really far, don’t add mass. (at least, for the style that i’m working with. this isn’t applicable to all styles) This combined with remembering what parts of the face are hard and what parts are soft will make characters seem, more, Solid. 

so like: 

the jaw doesn’t grow or shrink with the mouth opening, there’s still the same amount of chin. the jaw opens to open the mouth, the upper teeth are not on a hinge so the lower jaw is the only thing that moves.

I totally do not always follow this, though. 

like, the chin here is probably a little bit “shrunk” to accommodate the mouth. However, other thing to think about that I’m trying to show with this, is that when one part of the face moves, so does the rest of it. Even if the facial anatomy isn’t realistic, it still all interacts. Like, the mouth opening up that wide smushes up the cheek muscles into the eye. (even though the mouth is just kind of drawn as a hole in the face) 

(more examples of this)

even if the face is kind of “rubbery” here, though, the overall mass is still kept consistent. like its stretched in the second on, but it hasn’t “grown” 

flesh is pulled over an imaginary skeleton underneath, and there is still “depth” shown by the angle of the teeth. there is also thought about how the eyes are sitting in their sockets, even though those sockets are being “stretched” a little bit. 

I hope this isn’t a completely incoherent mess and that its at least somewhat useful information? 

Trying Too Hard (Part 3)

Summary: Realizing that the Avengers won’t let you go so easily, you try to adjust to life in the tower. Things don’t really go as planned.

Warnings: swearing

Ship: will eventually be bucky x reader

Part Zero Part One Part Two Part Three

italics = flashback 

A/N: I wasn’t too happy with Part Two so I wanted to post again to make up for it not being the best. 

“I really don’t want to do this.” You admit, looking up at Steve. 

After finding your way to the training rooms, (which took awhile because Jarvis didn’t help you until you took a third wrong turn), Steve announced that you’d train with Bucky. First, everyone wanted to see if Hydra had actually improved the technology inside of your arm. Sam suggested that you arm wrestle and everyone agreed. 

“Why? It won’t hurt anything.” Steve shrugs, and then he smirks. “Besides, based on what I saw at the Hydra base, I’m pretty sure you’ll win.” 

Giving him a small, 91% fake smile back, you turn to face Bucky. He was already sitting at the table you’d arm wrestle at. It hurt to look at him. He was a reminder of Hydra to you, and a reminder that you were just a second, a copy of the original version. Even Hydra never truly cared about you. Of course, you also felt bad for what you did to him at the compound. As you approached the table, he looked up at you and gave you a half smile. 

“Hi.” You greeted, sitting down across from him. “Look, I’m really sorry about what happened… It’s not your fault that I’m like this.”

“It’s alright, I bet seeing the person that you were meant to recreate isn’t the best feeling in the world.” He looks surprised by your words, probably because this is the first time you’ve ever actually talked. 

Before an awkward silence could settle over the two of you, everyone walked over to the table. You looked around at the Avengers, who you now knew as Steve, Wanda, Sam, Natasha, and Clint. You’d also heard about Bruce Banner and Thor, but no one knew where they were. 

“Alright,” Sam, who insisted on being the referee, leaned on the table and glanced between us. “contestants are you ready?”

Bucky grinned and rolled his eyes at Sam, placing his elbow on the table and holding out his hand for you to take. You did the same and grasped his hand tightly in your own. It was strange, knowing that you were holding something but barely even being able to feel anything other than pressure. You imagined it was the same way for him. 

“Ready…go!” Sam announced, slicing his hand through the air in a starting gesture. 

Immediately you felt Bucky trying to force your arm down, but you had more than enough strength to keep both of your arms vertical. For a moment you didn’t know if you’d have enough power to actually force his arm down. You heard Bucky grunt while your arm changed gears, and you saw your arm pushing his down. Vaguely, you could hear Sam commentating in the background. You heard Bucky’s arm trying to power up even more but it was no use, with a final push his hand smacked against the table. 

“Damn, girl!” Sam laughed, patting you on the back.

You felt yourself actually smile a bit at how dramatic Sam was being. A surge of confidence overcame you. Even though Bucky was the original copy, you were the new and improved. 

“It’s okay, Bucky.” You tease. “I’m sure we can get you an upgrade.” 

As soon as you said it, the smile fell from your face. You weren’t sure if Bucky would be able to tell that you were just messing with him. Why did you even get so comfortable around everyone in the first place? You stare at Bucky, who was also staring at you. 

Before you could even open your mouth to speak, he laughs, leaning back in his chair. You feel yourself internally deflate, sighing in relief. You definitely didn’t want to mess things up with anyone on the first day. 

“Yeah, let’s just walk on back to the Hydra base and ask if I can have a new arm, too.” 

You’d been living in the tower for about a week now. Steve had made you official training buddies with Bucky, so you trained every day for at least an hour. The two of you had become generally good friends, since you had quite the common interest. Sam also often hung around you. He was funny, and you liked that he could lighten the mood when you weren’t feeling the happiest. Steve was very nice, he had the aura of a big brother or a best friend. You rarely saw Clint or Natasha, so you and Wanda stuck together, being the only girls. Tony was a sarcastic asshole, but you found that he cares about people more than he let’s it show. 

“Shit!” You exclaimed when a blue shell hit your car. Bucky sped past you while Sam suffered in 12th place. The three of you had been playing Mario Kart for the past hour. You’d won almost every tournament even though you had never played before now. 

Once you could drive again, you had already been passed up to 6th place. 

“No!” You complained, hitting Bucky on the arm. 

“Ow! Jeez that’s metal, you know!” Bucky whined, trying to soothe his arm by rubbing it on the couch so he didn’t have to take his hands off the controller. 

“I know, that was the point.” You admit before trying to grab the controller out of his hands. 

“Hey! You dirty cheater!” Bucky yelled, trying to yank his controller out of your grip. 

While you two fought each other, Sam took full advantage of the commotion and advanced up to first place. The two of you were far to occupied with beating each other up to notice. Bucky was trying to pry your metal hand off the controller with his own, while your flesh hand was jabbing him in the side to get him to let go. 

You looked up at the screen to see that Sam had won the race while you two were fighting. 

“No!” You cried out in defeat, shoving Bucky away from you. “Now neither of us won!” 

“That’s what you two get!” Sam cheers, watching his character race around the track with ease. 

“Hey, guys.” A more serious voice interrupts the playful atmosphere from behind you. You turn around and see that it’s Tony. “Can all of you meet us in the lab?” 

“Um…” You swallow, not liking the tone of his voice. “Sure.” 

You hesitantly stand up and follow Bucky and Sam out of the room and down to the lab. The closer you get to the lab, the more you find yourself tensing up. Whatever’s going on, it surely has to have something to do with you. 

“The last time I was in a lab was when they cut my arm off.” You mutter under your breath, quiet enough so only the person next to you could hear. 

Bucky just stares at you, eyes wide. 

“What’s going on?” He questions as soon as you arrive at the lab. Steve and Wanda were already there, waiting. 

“Well we were thinking about it.. and we realized that we’ve been putting ourselves in serious danger this past week.” Steve confesses, looking at you and then at the ground. 

Of course it was about you. 

“Bucky has trigger words that make him go all Winter Soldier mode, so we need to find out if you have those, too.” Tony takes over for Steve, who looks guilty. 

“They never brainwashed me! It was easier for me to plan an escape with my conscious in tact so I just did what they asked!” The words are pouring out of your mouth. 

“And if that is true, then good, no harm done.” Wanda nods. “Just let me look, just incase. You might think they never altered your mind, but they could have made you believe that. It’s easier to work with a weapon, not a human.” 

You back up, clenching your fist. 

“No! I told you to stay out of my head!” Your voice trembles. It feels like everyone is closing in on you and it reminds you of the time you spent at Hydra being an experiment. You know if there’s one person who understands, it’d be Bucky. 

“Bucky,” You turn to him. “please.” 

You see Bucky open his mouth to speak, when suddenly you are ripped from the present and are shooting through the past. Your body feels like it’s being pulled taut, like a puppet on a string. Your time in Hydra flies through your mind, reversing and fast forwarding. An image flashes before your eyes that you’ve never seen before. 

You’re strapped down to a chair at the Hydra compound. Panicked screams of pain echo through the room, and you realize they’re from you. There’s a man that you’ve never seen before, pacing in circles around you as he reads in Russian from a book. 


You scream, trying to break out of the restraints. 


You see yourself in the present, before you flicker back to the past. You growl in pain. It feels like icicles penetrating your skull. 


For a moment you see nothing, before you flash back to the present. The two alternate like strobe lights. You double over and fall onto your knees, hitting the ground with such incredible force that your fist cracks the ground. 


You only see the present. You rise up, slowly. 

The switch is flipped.

Part Four 

tags (strike through means i couldn’t tag you!): @kitty31177 @braelyn250 @just-damn-peachy @satansknittingclub @cigarettesincemetaries @ellexirmalfoy @thiscuriouslymiss @-episkey-


[Please do not repost]

Everything is the same, but… Dazai is short af. [This is partially based on the time my dad told a salesperson that, after having lost me in the store for about the millionth time, he would have to buy me a golf flag and just attach it to me so he wouldn’t keep misplacing his, “vertically impaired child.”

Do You?

Pairing: Mick Davies x Reader

Word Count: Under 1300

Warnings: None I don’t think. Does Mick getting slapped count?

Notes: All props to my girl @perseusandmedusa for coming up with the story idea. I just wrote it lol. Hope you like it! There will be a smutty part 2 ;) xox

Parking your Harley Davidson in the British Men of Letters garage, you pulled off your helmet, your long hair cascading over your shoulders, and surveyed the room. It was still exactly the same way you remembered it. It amazed you the organisation hadn’t upgraded to somewhere fancier considering how long they’d been stationed in America now.

Anxiety filled you as you made your way to where Dr Hess was waiting for you.

“Y/N, what a pleasure to see you again!” she announced, giving you her world-renown false smile and opening her arms here for an embrace.

Standing your ground, you lifted a brow. “Is he here?”

Sighing, she eyed you with immediate irritation and dropped her arms. “Of course that’s the first thing you ask me. Yes he is. He lives here, dear.”

Imitating her sigh, you skulked after her and unzipped your leather jacket, revealing a gorgeous black corset underneath that emphasised everything you had to offer. Tight leather trousers and knee-high black boots completed the outfit. Your make-up was dark and sultry and you felt as hot as you looked. You made the decision about an hour before you had to leave to make sure you looked as good as possible. If you were going to have to see Michael Davies again, you’d make sure you made him regret leaving you.

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anonymous asked:

One of my little pet peeves is that I keep seeing those vertical wheels for rodent cages. Please don't use these!!! They are bad for your rodent's back because they have to bend backwards just to be able to run on it; this can cause your rodent to injure themselves. Please use a saucer wheel instead; they are flat and allow your rodent to exercise without hurting their back!

The wheels are perfectly acceptable to use so long as they are big enough. You’re right that bending backwards is bad for them! But a wheel that’s large enough should allow them to run on the bottom portion without curving their spine, like so:

This is a terrible photo, but you can clearly see he’s capable of running flat. 

That being said, the average hamster is going to need a twelve inch wheel and it’s next to impossible to find wheels large enough for rats or anything bigger. The biggest problem with wheels (aside from the fact that they even make wire wheels…) is that most pet owners just don’t know how to properly size one for their pet and look at a twelve inch wheel and think it looks way too big for a hamster that fits in their palm.

Twenty One Pilots Handshake Tutorial

Slow motion video: (x)

Start with your right hands!

Hand Pair 1: Both right hands

Hand Pair 2: Both left hands

  1. Slap (Hand Pair 1) palms together
  2. Slap (Hand Pair 1) backs of hands together
  3. Slap (Hand Pair 1) palms together twice
  4. Vertical fist bump twice (Hand Pair 1) (KEEP THUMB FACING VERTICALLY)
  5. Hook thumbs together and clasp them (Hand Pair 1) [SEE BELOW FOR A MORE DETAILED VERSION
  6. Clap your (Hand Pair 2) hands on your (Hand Pair 1) hands, clap above them, clap below your (Hand Pair 1) hands, and finally, clap them on your (Hand Pair 1) hands
  7. Hook pinkies and bring them up, down, then up again (Hand Pair 1)
  8. Once you bring your pinkies down, clasp spare hands together (Hand Pair 2)
  9. Bring the clasped hands, which are Hand Pair 2, down, use the other pair of hands to clap twice above the clasped hands (Hand Pair 1)
  10. Slap partner’s forearm (elbow area) once (Hand Pair 1)
  11. Pat your own forearm (slightly above the wrist) once (Hand Pair 1)
  12. Clasp hands together again (Hand Pair 1)
  13. Unclasp the hands from 11 (Hand Pair 2) and put it around your partner as if it is a one-armed hug (Hand Pair 1)


1) Face both hands upward

2) Interlock your hands by hooking your thumbs together, still faced horizontally

3) Move both hands so the backs are touching

4) Roll your hand under your partner’s while they roll their own hand over yours (YOU NEED TO UNLOCK YOUR THUMBS FOR THIS STEP)

5) Lock thumbs together again as your hands are in a hand-shaking position

Helpful tutorial if you’re still confused: (x) 

Reblog if you found this helpful!

Kassian glanced at Sin, trying to keep his expression as neutral as it’d been when he looked at Boyd. “What about you, Vega?”

Sin barely looked at him. “My lack of care is phenomenal.”

= In The Company of Shadows by Santino & Ais - Interludes

Iconic ICoS Quotes #1/?


Because of you I found strength. Because of you I can smile again. . Because of you I can laugh. Because of you I can live. Because of you I’m a better person. Because of you I experienced love. Be someone’s reason to be.


Tangled Rapunzel Wig Tutorial by nocturnalbloom

Hello bunnies, this is my rapunzel wig I just finished for Anime Revolution 2015 in Vancouver. No photoshoot pics yet because the con is August 14-16. The wig is 150 cm and does not weigh too much! I saw these on etsy selling for like 300$??? I think in total this costed me like 75$. Not gonna lie though, this wig made me cry once, I hate tangly wigs ToT. Thinking about adding battery operated lights? I looked up a ton of tutorials but i ended up doing it a bit differently. Anywho here’s how I did this, i’m sorry I’m terrible at explaining things:

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Before uploading the stitching video promised yesterday, thought I’ll how rounded corners are achieved. <Disclaimer> video lighting is rather poor, apologies in advance for that.

Now, in consideration that these coasters are meant to be thick (approx. 6mm thick). I find using a trim knife and pulling a cut around such tighter curves to be quite tough and potentially leaving a slanted side angle as oppose to a perfectly vertically straight side. Although this can usually be rectified with heavy sanding to shape the corners, that would be rather time consuming and heavy sanding may at times leave an undesired “lip” from the skin layer of the leather, which then requires further removal. In summary, the piece might end up looking overworked as opposed to a clean look. (Although this method showcased isn’t time-efficient either, and there really is a ton of better methods in cutting corners (pun), but seriously get a dye cutter or round corner punch).

In the clip, I’m essentially using the round ruler to guide my blade in a chopping style manner around the corner. My main focus is to keep my blade perfectly vertical and maintain consistently smaller “chops”. There is always the temptation to chop a larger chunk away but cutting smaller portions at a time leaves a much smoother curve. Some light sanding thereafter will ensure its perfectly smooth and rounded.

Lastly, and I cannot reiterate this enough, ensure your blade is as sharp as possible. I’m barely using force to cut through and this facilitates more control and greatly mitigates any risk of slipping.

#heicrafted #handmade #handtools #handcrafted #handcraft #handstitched #handwork #bespoke #custom #madeinsg #madeinsingapore #style  #leather #leatherwork #leathercraft #leathercrafttools #menstyle #mensaccessories #menfashion #luxurylife #sgmakers #sgcrafters #thosewhomake #craft

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Meet my two newest pickups, PSMT 1 (left) and 2 (right). They refused to discount them, but I couldn’t leave them in the tiny, filthy cups with the employees fighting me on whether bettas need heaters or not and the store selling bowls that would hold maybe a cup of water, so here they are, both currently in clean, warm hospital tanks.
They’re in pretty rough conditions; PSMT1 has fin rot and keeps floating vertically, which is a very bad indicator. He’s going to be monitored particularly closely to determine exactly what internal issue he has and will be started on Maracyn 2 immediately. PSMT2 has a severe tear in his tail, he’s bitten his fins, and he keeps floating on his side, which I’m pretty sure is due to a swim bladder issue. If clean water doesn’t help by a week’s time, I’ll start him on medication as well. They’re both tiny and extremely skinny, so I’m going to offer garlic soaked bloodworms as their first meal.
My mom purchased me one of my personal bettas, Halloween, from PetSupermarket, with the same tail tear as PSMT2 and the same tiny size and skinny body as both of these two. Here’s to hoping that my luck with him holds out with these two little guys.
@pet-of-subs, thank you for your donation, from the bottom of my heart. You made it possible for me to rescue these two; your donation went towards the 10 gallon that’s cycling for whichever one of these guys will do better in a larger tank (the other will get the soon-to-be vacated 5.5).

I’m enjoying the manga of Gundam the Origin so much. The original 0079 show has great writing and art direction, but you can feel how old and low budget it is fairly often.

With the Manga retelling of that story, you get the original character designer drawing everything, and a more fleshed out version of the story since it was written with 20+ years of experience with that series. It’s less episodic, leaving just the important things while building in new scenes, and new back story arcs.

His colored pages are some of the nicest I’ve seen in manga in ages. Really fantastic warm reds and blues. Every single chapter has at least one section of multiple colored pages, sometimes two or three. The hardcovers from Vertical keep all of them, and have extra colored artwork in the back.

Is just such a good series.