keep it dirty

The best recurring gag in the series is when people always think Annabeth and Percy are doing dirty things when the poor souls are literally doing something completely innocent. Accidentally found the labyrinth? You have the camp thinking they were making out. Hugging because Annabeth is feeling shitty? Malcolm walks in and is like “yeah, right, totally innocent my ass”. Riding a motorcycle together so they can save the world? “No detours you too!” Accidentally falling asleep next to the other? You have the other members of the Argo thinking they had sex.

8

cockles panel at jibcon

“Um, so, my kids know very little about Supernatural. They– hold on just, um. We have these little figurines. We have big dolls…”

bad | 07

  He was the cliché bad boy. He was the guy you couldn’t stand. He was the handsome, hot kid who made girls go weak in the knees. He was a brat. You had never liked him one bit, but you had also never gotten involved with anything concerning him. Until one day, when you were in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Originally posted by mvssmedia

MEMBER: jeon jungkook x reader (ft. kim taehyung)

GENRE: smut, romance, fluff

WORDS: 10 243

WARNINGS: mature & sexual content, profanity, dirty talk & other filth

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08coming soon

A/N: please beat my ass for taking over a fucking month with this. hopefully it was worth the wait tho ;). writing this killed me.

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Adulting tips from an adult who doesn’t adult good:

Keep two separate dirty clothes bins. One for clothes. One for towels. That way you won’t have to dig out towels from a mountain of clothes you can just wash a load when you are desperate.

Anything with “pet deodorizer” in the cleaning label can be poured down the sink to kill bad odors kill gnats.

Try to change your sheets twice a month. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t.

Start a decent first aid/OTC pharmacy when you have some money left over. Disinfectant, aspirin, allergy meds, Etc. You never know when A) you can’t afford a doc atm or B) you can’t get yourself to go to the doc or C) both or D) your idiot friend just decided to snowboard off your roof. This doesn’t have to be a priority.

At some point you’ll have to buy a thermometer. Don’t buy the cheapest one, it won’t last past the second cold of the year.

Get a clock that runs on batteries because lol you will lose power at some point.

On that note, if you have room, get some kind of ice chest/cooler because you will lose power at some point, and while your freezer will remain nice and cold for a day or so, your fridge will not so the ice chest will come in handy because you can always replace the ice but your milk will go sour.

Also on this note: buy a flash light and slowly and surely never throw away a candle. Ever. Ever. Ever. Unless it’s done and then you have my permission. The first time you have to take a shower without power in the dark you’ll thank me.

Also bic lighters are cheap and easy and jfc you have to light candles somehow.

Be on the look out for: cheap blankets, fans, and space heaters. Buy whenever possible. They will save your life.

Bananas go bad quick. Eat them. They are good for you.

If you have a car, keep the following things in it: a towel, a blanket, a change of socks, some cash, a flashlight, and some kind of food like a granola bar. If you have an old cell phone, keep it in there too. While old cell phones won’t have service providers, most (newer) cell phones still allow you to dial 911 despite not being connected to a service.

If you have the space (I have a garage that’s too small for my truck so I use that) and you have a in-home washer/dryer, hang clothes to dry. A) easier on clothes so clothes last longer B) less electricity = less money & less energy usage.

Dryer sheets + rugs = getting out pet hair

Dryer sheets + hair = gets rid of fly-a-ways. (Scented dryer sheets = makes ur hair smell good.)

Towel on a cookie baking sheet = ironing board (I’ve also heated up a skillet and used it as an iron in a frantic last minute freak out)

Keep extra toilet paper within arms reach of the toilet

It’s sad that we blacks have to have dash cams to keep dirty cops from killing us for allegedly not using a turn signal. Respect for him schooling a cop, and respect to the cop for listening, and not tackling him for schooling him. I know police shouldn’t get respect for meeting the basic human decency requirement of not attacking someone who critiques you. But such a reaction of the cop is truly unique

This was amazing, such true words, I’m glad nothing happened in the end.

How to go on with your life after Rogue One (Part 1):

 Rewatch Dirty Dancing - Havana Nights AT LEAST a thousand times because of Diego Luna (and imagine this being a young Cassian with Jyn).

DEAN X READER ALPHA/OMEGA SMUT

Title: Barking Up The Right Tree

Prompt: alpha/omega dean x reader first time

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Words: 1862

Warnings: SMUT, a/b/o verse, alpha!dean, omega!reader, beta!sam, knotting, heat, very slight fingering, kinda kinky trope, dirty talk, some fluff at the end

A/N: I’m still not taking requests, but this is just a teaser to keep your dirty little minds satisfied until I post again ;)

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“S-Sam?” you call with a shaking voice. It’s only seven in the morning, and Dean had left for breakfast. Sam was here to watch you, as you had been feeling ill for a few days.

Sam races to your room and almost breaks down the door to get to you. He had always been protective like a big brother, and you knew he was trustworthy in this situation.

“Y/N? Are you—” He has to stop speaking to regain his composure. You were naked, but wrapped in your blankets. Even you could smell your slick.

“I thought you were a beta.” he mumbled, covering his mouth and nose.

“Yeah? Well me too.” You reply, a bit of anger in your voice.

“I’ll get you some things you’ll need. DON’T let Dean into your room.” Sam ordered. You roll your eyes and shoo him away, wanting to cover your scent before the alpha got home.

“I mean it, Y/N. Once he smells you, no amount of suppressants will stop him.”

Sam exits with a serious look on your face. You wait until he has left before you stand in all your naked glory, shutting your bedroom door. You were supposed to be a beta, never having experienced a heat before. Dean had never had any issues around you, and Sam was a beta as well. When you had woken up that morning though, you felt a hot wetness between your legs and a burning desire in your stomach. From friends’ stories, you knew you were in heat. Apparently, you were an omega.

You had at least thrown on a button up that Dean had lent you months ago, but it was so comfy that he allowed you to steal it. You wore it along with a simple pair of underwear. Sam arrived just as you curled up in your bed, after changing the scented sheets.

“I brought you heat spray, suppressant pills, and um…yeah.” the awkward beta handed you a bag. You thanked him and opened the sack, widening your eyes at the contents.

“Is that a…?”

“Yeah…”

“And I’m supposed to…?”

Sam nodded and gave you a small smile, leaning forwards and quickly kissing the top of your head.

“Good luck.” he grinned, heading towards the hallway. You glared at him as he left, making sure to lock and close your door.

Reluctantly, you pulled out the nine inch dildo and tossed it across the room. There was no way you’d use that thing. You set the pill bottle on the bedside table, deciding to use those later, and immediately sprayed the deodorizer around the room. It began to smell normal again, and not of sex and lust.

Things were alright for the first few hours, until you heard the bunker door open down stairs.

Dean was home.

Despite feeling perfectly fine just a few minutes earlier, your stomach began to painfully twist in knots and your thighs were coated in the wetness once more. You could smell Dean, and you wanted him, bad.

You hadn’t taken the suppressants, but you wished you had. The room was immediately scented, and the smell of your heat was everywhere, mixing with Dean’s scent that he was unknowingly emitting.

“D-Dean…” you whimpered, clenching and relaxing your thighs. You fell onto your back and bit your lip, overtaken by the sudden aching desire within your body. You wanted to be bred, your body wanted to be bred.

And you wanted your alpha to breed you.

There was a sudden commotion on the stairs, and you strained to hear over the blood pumping in your veins.

“Dean, no! Do you have any idea what will happen?” it was Sam, and you could hear his panicked words.

“Dammit Sammy! She needs me.” Dean growled in his alpha voice.

Sam was required to back off at his tone, but he carried on with his efforts. You whimpered and fisted the sheets as your desire grew.

Your door was nearly broken, this time the lock flying off. Sam was still trying to pull him away as he struggled to get to you, finally turning and growling at Sam to back off. The beta threw up his hands and stomped away, whilst Dean approached your body. He shut the door as best he could, obviously not able to lock it.

“Dean,” you whimpered. The bed dipped as he sat down, gently moving towards you. He stiffened when you reached out and touched him.

“You’ve been waiting so long…you’re burning up baby girl.” he murmured, taking your hand in his. At the alpha’s touch, you moaned and dug your nails into the mattress, needing release. Dean pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Alpha’s gonna take care of you.” he rumbled, beginning to unbutton your shirt.

You hadn’t put on a bra, and Dean cursed at your beautifully exposed breasts. He took one nipple into his mouth, sucking and gently biting the nub. He palmed the other, leaving you writhing in pleasure on the bed.

You gripped the collar of his jacket, urging him to take it off. He complied, throwing the leather material to the side. He grabbed the back of his shirt and tugged it over his head, getting on his hands and knees above your body. You could feel the heat radiating from his naked torso.

“I need you.” you whispered, trying to pull his body down to yours. He began to fervently kiss your neck and shoulders. You gasped and groaned at the contact, threading your fingers through his hair and moaning.

“What do you need me to do?” he growled against your skin. His hands trailed down your body to your thighs, cupping them and tugging you forcefully towards his body.

“Knot me.” you said almost shyly. He smiled and tucked his fingers beneath you, unclasping and removing your bra. He then took your shirt, or rather, his shirt, off you and tossed it near his own clothing.

“You want me to knot you baby?” he grumbled, kissing at your cheeks and chest. “Fill you up with my alpha seed?”

Dean reached down and pushed your panties aside, easing his index and middle finger in. You shivered as he collected some of your slick, taking his fingers into his mouth. He moaned at the taste and inhaled deeply, as though high. You were his drug.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered, balancing his weight on one hand and reaching for his belt with the other. “You’re so ready to be bred, to be my little omega.” he spoke. His belt came off, and he hastily popped the button and zipper. You placed your palms flat on his chest and wriggled beneath him as he pushed his jeans and boxers down his legs.

You gasped as his cock bumped against your thigh, leaking his own alpha slick. His knot was already forming at the base, and you bit your lip thinking about him inside of you.

“Please, Dean.” You whined, wrapping your arms loosely around the alpha’s neck. He kissed your shoulder and reached a hand down, angling the large head against your pussy lips. You moaned as he rubbed against your slit, wetting his shaft in your slick and teasing your heat.

When he began to push in, you dug your nails into his biceps and cried out at the new sensation. Dean went slow, entering your body inch by inch until he was balls deep.

“Fuck Y/N…” he grunted, supporting himself on both arms above you. You squeezed your eyes shut at the ache, a satisfactory burning spreading through your body.

“Breed me, Dean.” you said softly. He was instantly thrown into his alpha rut, wrapping his large hand around your hip. His other fingers tangled with yours beside your head. You hissed through your teeth as he pumped his hips once.

He began to pick up a rhythm, pumping in and out of your soaking omega heat. Dean let out little grunts and grumbles as his cock met resistance against your tight depth.

“This is what you wanted me to do, right?” he grumbled, speeding up. His cock pounded into your trembling body, causing you to groan and hold onto his thick shoulders for dear life. Dean continued to assault your waiting sex.

“D-Dean…Dean…” you whimpered, wrapping your thighs around his waist. His hands went down to cup your thighs, using your body as leverage for his thrusts. You felt his knot building at the base of his shaft.

“Such a good little omega,” Dean grunted. “Taking your alpha’s cock, letting me breed you.”

You fisted the sheets and cried out as Dean lifted your body. He flipped you over on your stomach, leaning over and pinning you down with his cock still buried deep inside of you. His hips slammed into your ass with each heavy thrust, and he buried his face into your neck.

“I’m gonna fill you up with so much of my alpha seed.” he growled, causing you to whine in his grip. He continued to slam into your body for a few more minutes, eventually letting out a low guttural moan. You cried out as he gripped both of your hips and pushed himself deep into you, thickening against your outer lips.

His knot slowly eased into you, swelling and locking you together. Dean fell against your smaller frame and wrapped his arms around you.

He stilled as his cock twitched and pulsed within your depth, releasing his cum. He pushed your hair aside and made a nip on your neck, releasing a bit of blood. You gasped at being filled with his sperm, and the sudden realization.

“Dean, you just…”

“I mated my omega.” he mumbled, shielding your trembling body from the cold air. The thought of you being his omega brought you to a climax, sending waves of heated pleasure coursing through you. Dean held you tight as you gasped and wriggled, the torture of oversensitiveness almost breaking you.

You were locked together for nearly an hour until Dean’s knot was small enough to pull apart. He slid his softening prick out and fell next to you, gathering your body before you could slip away to clean up. He cuddled you to his chest and kissed the mated mark, lifting your chin and pressing a soft kiss to your lips. A happy warmth spread through you as his alpha cum dripped from your opening.

“Thank you, alpha.” you murmured, nuzzling into his shoulder. He held you close and sighed, still breathing heavily. Dean ran his fingers through your hair and allowed you to rest.

“I-I love you, Y/N.” he stammered. You lifted your head and smiled, kissing his chest. He returned a grin and curled one arm beneath his head, the other weaving around your body.

“I love you too Dean.” you replied. You settled on him and sighed contentedly.

“I knew you were an omega, before all of this.” he admitted. “I also knew that I’d be the one to knot and breed you, that I was your alpha.”

“Really?” you asked, a bit shocked.

“You would never listen to Sam, but you always obeyed me.” he winked. You rolled your eyes and playfully slapped his chest, still a bit shaken from having your first heat—and alpha.

It was only a few minutes later that your slick was heavy again and his knot began to swell once more…

Favorite Adam moments

It’s Adam Parrish’s birthday and since he’s a character that has made me bite my fingernails and yell at the page and grin like an idiot and maybe even get a moist eye or two (this despite being spoiled to his ending), here are some of my favorite Adam moments in (I think) chronological order:

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“The things I say to and around my roommate” sentence starters
  • Have fun. Don’t die. Don’t kill anyone. 
  • The coffee table bit me again dammit! 
  • I’m sorry that I woke you up by setting the smoke alarm off by cooking bacon but I’m definitely not sorry enough to give you any.
  • Welp, there goes my hopes and dreams. 
  • Welp, there goes my hopes and dream: wet and dirty. 
  • Keep your dirty socks from invading my dirty sock kingdom!
  • This donut’s for you- the other eleven are for me.
  • Of course they gave two bars of chocolate! One’s for me, the other one’s for future me!  
  • I wonder if I can buy the sweet embrace of Death at the store. 
  • *giggling* They’re freshly harvested potato people.
  • What is this gross stuff falling from the sky? 
  • My hands are as cold as my heart right now. 
  • My toes are turning purple and honestly I don’t know how to feel about this. 
  • Look at my lobster socks! 
  • No, ice cream! My socks do not want you! 
  • Your butt makes a good foot warmer. 
  • Suplex me to space and call it a day.
More prompt starters

- “We probably shouldn’t.”
- “Just kiss me.”
- “Maybe I want to.”
- “How many times do I have to tell you not to do that?”
- “You don’t have a choice.”
- “You’ll be there to save me right?”
- “I know about everything.”
- “I can’t keep being your dirty little secret.”
- “If I don’t who will?”
- “Just trust me.”
- “So is anyone going tell me why there’s a baby in the living room.”
- “No no do not die on me.”
- “Guys look I can walk on water.”
- “All this excitement is making me nauseous.”
- “I want you.”