keep it colt 45

i know sleep is hard when every thought you had since they walked away comes back and they always ask to stay for another night and i know sleep is hard when every person who has held your hands pretended that they did not break your fingers and i know sleep is hard when you can only remember your mistakes and how you could not be a better person when people needed stone, you became a chisel faking all of these smiles and i know sleep is hard and i know it is not real, you feel hollow and the pillow is weightless as your thoughts pour into the lightness of your darkest dreams and you have been wondering if you should keep trying or if that colt .45 looks nice or if the pills in the cabinet still says your name past 2 am and i know you can only think about drinking yourself to bed because the sadness of your own smile reminds you of the time when you were better and it was not like this every day, you used to smile, you used to know happiness, you used to have real friends, you used to live, you used to choose life, you used to wonder, you used to long, you used to have, you used to smell the roses, your heart used to beat and if being this tired and mellow meant that tomorrow might not get another chance at keeping you full and energized you can have this poem, you can have my smile, you can have my words, you can have my hands, you can be held, you can know.

you can breathe.