keen quotes

See, when you meet someone
for the first time,
you don’t really imagine that they would
turn out to be someone important to you.
You don’t really assume that
when you first learn someone’s name
that after awhile you would begin to really
get to know them inside and out,
or how you begin to pick up their habits,
and start talking like them,
or finishing the food off their plates
you don’t really see these things
happening, when you first meet someone.
Without really expecting it, this someone
who was only just a stranger to you before,
can all of a sudden mean so much more,
can become someone so special,
and someone you can’t see yourself
living without.
—  Keen Malasarte, “I never thought you would have such an effect”
6

“You deserve the best in life, Lizzie. I know that sounds odd coming from a man who has brought you some of the worst, but it’s the reason why Tom had to work so hard to be that for you. To be kind. To be thoughtful. To make you laugh. To make you love him. because you deserve that, and it will come.”

I’ve been doing a rewatch of the Blacklist, slowly but surely, over the summer hiatus. One of the things it’s been good for is seeing the parallels of things that were said, things that were done, in S1, and how they’ve developed and link through to where we are now. It’s amazing how many things that were said about Tom when it came out who he was that were so negative, that appeared to be unforgivable at the time, and how it’s come full circle. Love is hard work, and as Tom has said more recently, he doesn’t want to be anyone other than the man that Liz deserves. The best husband that he can be for her. So, yes, he does work hard at it, not because he doesn’t feel it, but because he loves her, and he wants to give her everything that she deserves in life. 

It still baffles me that caring too much about someone drives that person away. What, is it because you’re scared of being responsible? You can’t reciprocate? You’re afraid of not being able to do the same? Because if that’s the case then I don’t want this kind of modern idealization of love if it means I’d have to hide how I feel about someone all the time just to keep things interesting.
—  Keen Malasarte, tired of this bullshit convention.
I’ve realized after some time,
that you can never fully make people
like you, and accept you
for who you are.
And some,
don’t even bother
trying to,
some don’t even
want to
get to know you,
or understand you,
for the interior
rather than the outer
parts that you show.
So stop letting yourself
get so caught up
in wanting so badly,
to impress people
who don’t deserve
your best.
You are worth, a lot.
And there will always be,
some, who are too blind
to see you for what you are.
In the end,
it won’t matter
because you do not deserve
having people in your life,
who can’t see you
for more than what
you choose to show.
—  Keen Malasarte, “This is my farewell to the friends that don’t live up to the name”
I start my mornings convincing myself to open the windows, and let the new air replace the old. To let myself fold the sheets and leave behind all the doubts from yesterday under a well made bed. A freshly brewed cup of coffee filling the spaces in between scents of who I am behind closed doors. This is what I leave behind. This is what I go home to.
—  Keen Malasarte, My mother tells me to make my bed in order to be made as a person, and I think she’s doing me a favor.
I remember how it all started, and I just want to go back to the very first day you walked into my life. It’s not so easy trying to rekindle and spark an old flame, but I do miss the person you were and the person I was while trying to save what became of the two of us.
—  Keen Malasarte, On growing apart.
Often, I feel that I disappoint too many people for not being able to accept my full potential. Of failing to see myself through their eyes. Of not acknowledging my worth because I’ve been told many times long ago, that I wasn’t worth the effort by the wrong people. For many years, I’ve held myself accountable for all the poor choices done towards me shoving aside my need for reassurance, and dealing with the guilt of not being enough. For years, I believed that I had to apologize to people for what they thought of me. And now I’m finally learning that I need to forgive myself for that. I need to learn to forgive myself for feeling bad that other people can’t appreciate me for what I am.
—  Keen Malasarte, Only when I learn to love myself, will they value me. And I’m not really sure how long that’s going to take.
You need to respect yourself enough to know when it’s okay to say ‘no, this isn’t what I deserve’ because sometimes we get blinded. Sometimes we believe we’re meant to hurt, because they’re human, and pain is inevitable. But honey, think of it this way. They chose to hurt you. They chose to minimize your worth as something so small and easily disregarded. You have all the right in the world to walk away from something that is toxic to your being. You have all the right to want to rid yourself of someone that only brings you misery.
—  Keen Malasarte, On Toxic Relationships.