Jeff Sessions referring to Trump’s travel ban being frozen: “I really am amazed that a judge sitting on an island in the Pacific can issue an order that stops the President of the United States…”

Okay so either this dude doesn’t know that Hawaii is a part of the United States or he has no fucking idea how government works. 

i have a lot of memories of being a small child and trying to play pc games with my brother and consistently, utterly failing to perform basic tasks. we never got a single sim to move into our simcity. we played virtual safari and were in AWE when we finally figured out how to leave the fucking house. we played that 101 dalmations game and when we managed to get to the minecarts it was another holy shit moment. i didn’t even know simant had goals. i just build an ant palace for my chosen ant, and then built elaborate insect zoos and coliseums where lesser ants could fight to the death. i think the only game i managed to play successfully was clue, and that’s because it was literally just the board game. that, and that game where you were on a keebler elf mountain doing math. that doesn’t count though. anyway one of these days i will hunt those games down just to beat them and get a better sense of the basic level of incompetence i suffered as a third grader.

  • Me: 'touch your husband' is my favourite out of context artistic advice I've ever given
  • Keebler: xDD that is kind of hilarious
  • Keebler: he'll come home and I'll be all -TOUCHING- and he'll be all WHY and I'll be like JACK TOLD ME TO XD
The unicorn frappuccino is so popular that Starbucks is now developing fraps based on other mythical creatures.
  • Dragon frappuccino: Made with dragonfruit, cinnamon, and fiery hot chiles. A shameless ploy to acquire your gold.
  • Werewolf frappuccino: Seems like a normal chocolate frap (werewolves love chocolate) but the caffeine doesn't kick in until the next full moon. And boy howdy, does it kick in.
  • Mermaid frappuccino: Extra foam and sea salt caramel drizzle. Comes with a free Danish in honor of Hans Christian Anderson
  • Centaur frappuccino: Has an oatmeal raisin cookie crumble crust. Oats for the horse and raisins for the wine-loving human. Whipped cream is actually whipped Greek yogurt.
  • Fairy frappuccino: A delightful delicate flavor of honeysuckle and lavender, it has the unfortunate effect of making you fall in love with the next live creature that you see.
  • Elf frappuccino: Made with the most important food groups- candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup. Keebler cookie crumbles.
  • Hobbit frappuccino: Only served in size tall. Get one for breakfast and get a second one free!
  • Ogre frappuccino: Looks green and putrid on the outside, but has layers of different flavors that will Smash your Mouth
  • Zombie frappuccino: like a normal frap, but with SEVERAL extra shots of espresso
  • Wizard frappuccino: Butterbeer
  • Witch frappuccino: You'd think it would be the same as the wizard frap, but it has eye of newt and toe of frog #everydaysexism
  • Yeti frappuccino: Tastes like a lemon snow cone, with Himalayan pink salt
  • Alien frappuccino: They actually do have this in the Starbucks at one government building in New Mexico, but it's on the secret menu
  • Ghost frappuccino: Zero calories. Probably just blended ice.
  • Poltergeist frappuccino: Hurls itself against the wall after you pay for it
  • Vampire frappuccino: Blood. It's just blood.

A few years back I watched a TV show that showed the making of the world’s largest DQ blizzard. After that I got hungry so I went in the kitchen grabbed a mug and made my own “Blizzard”. Then last year we had to do a how to speech in speech class so I made that and let everyone taste it. One kid yelled “I’m gonna marry you for this ice-cream!” So I thought I’d let the people of the internet try it.

Things you need.
1 ice-cream sandwich
2 a little bit if milk about 1/3
3 two Keebler fudge stripes milk chocolate
4 chocolate syrup
5 a coffee mug
6 a fork or spoon

1 take the ice cream sandwich and tear it in half and put in the mug
2 put the milk in the mug
3 add the chocolate syrup
Take the cookies in your hand and crumble them into the mug
4 take the spoon or fork to mash it all up.
5 Eat!