Ive waited a long time to say this: I am happy to announce today is my 6 Month HRT anniversary!
I wanted to also share some of my thoughts:
I worry a lot.
I take a look at my professional career and wonder if things will work out, and over a decade of work later I still feel I’ve made no progress and continue to struggle to find any proper “place”.
Even day to day issues can easily be just as overwhelming as larger problems and often get me stopped in my tracks for longer than they should.
And the constant struggle I’ve had to deal with concerning my gender identity has been something that caused me no end of discomfort and heartbreak.
After coming out as trans, I saw so many people who once supported me on the sidelines suddenly abandon and ridicule me. I got, and still get, daily messages of hate. Some more mild, refusing to use proper pronouns because I’m “not a real woman”. Some filled with rage saying I should “kill myself” and refusing to see me as anything other than a freak who should be “dealt with”.
Life is a struggle for everyone, sometimes it gets easier, and sometimes it seems impossible to fix. Often times my experiences have left me with life and my goals feeling more towards “impossible”, with the constant whispers to give up and stop trying ringing in my ears. And these experiences arn’t limited to my struggles towards coming out.
However, those feelings did become more prevalent ever since I came out publicly. My work, less important. My opinions, less valid. My existence, null and void. The world, and my options in life, became smaller and things and opportunities that were “available” to me became completely inaccessible.
So far, 2017 has been one of the most difficult times in my life, which is saying something. But one major good thing happened.
On March 4th, 2017, I took my first steps towards transitioning. Now I’m officially 6 months in on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), and I’m slowly feeling less at odds with myself.
So with this major step forward, I’m going to keep trying, I’ll keep working hard, and I’ll continue to do my best to find my place. Be it professional, in day to day life, with new ventures, or as I continue my journey towards transitioning, I hope I’ll have support from all of you.
Because honestly, without the support of my loving partner, friends, coworkers, fans, and this community that is being slowly built around me, things easily seem impossible.