kd love

“I know he loves her now,” she said, “and I’m only a memory that he tries not to visit too often.” She paused, looking so at peace, but in the saddest way possible. “I guess I just hope that he thinks of me from time to time. When he sees a sunset too beautiful for words, or when our favorite artist releases a new song, or when he passes my street. I just hope that sometimes he remembers what it felt like to be nineteen and so in love that it was almost like your heart might burst. I hope that he smells my old perfume and he can’t shake the picture of me running outside of my house, barefoot, to jump into his arms. I just want our love to still be important, you know? I just… I hope it lingers.”

“It sounds like a beautiful memory,” I told her. “How could he forget?”

She smiled. “Darling, everything fades with time. Even the most vivid of moments — realizing, for the first time, you’re in love, or your first kiss, or even the day it all came crashing down around you — fade as new moments pass. I just hope I was important enough to last a little while longer.”

—  excerpt from an unfinished book #136 // Thinking of you because Ed Sheeran released a new song
6

Clearly that website is mistaken. She always was and always will be number 1.

“What was the hardest part of your first heartbreak?” my little sister asked me one day. It was a sunny day, we were having a picnic. But suddenly, I felt as if the clouds had overtaken the sun.

“I think the hardest part was that we kind of morphed into the same person,” I said.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“When you spend so much time together, you get so close. Soon enough, you can read each other’s minds, you can tell what they’re thinking just by a raise of their eyebrow.” I picked away at the grass we were sitting on, trying not to feel the depth of what I was saying. I couldn’t let myself get that low again. “Your favorite song becomes his favorite song. Then, his favorite bands become your favorite bands. You start loving the same movies. You pick up hiking together. And then when you break up, you still love all those things. It’s all still there.”

“But they’re not,” she said, almost in a whisper.

“But they’re not,” I repeated. “And it’s like you become a half of a person, left on your own to grow the other half back.”

—  excerpt from an unfinished book #89
3

3.1 slow yesterday with fartleks the last mile, 2 slow today: fitness and load back on the rise.😊 I’m running slower per instruction from the coach….. kinda liking it.

I was naughty yesterday and I skipped run school. I just couldn’t pull my behind out of bed, so I approximated the workout and did it on my own an hour later. I will be a good girl and not skip school tomorrow…. now to write that 100 times on the blackboard.

Today’s musical accompaniment was ms. kd lang. Her covers of “The Air That I Breathe” and “Hallelujah” are pure. Don’t even get me started on her howling in “Barefoot” or how “Trail of Broken Hearts” transformed my life in my mid 20’s.

https://youtu.be/LyIayL0b3nE

There was a time when she fantasized about love. She laid awake at night and she stared at the ceiling, recounting every boy in her life that she could so easily love. She would smile at the endless possibilities. She wasn’t afraid of consequences or unhappy endings.

But then she starting fantasizing about you. And you were the first boy she fell in love with. She didn’t know how to love, and you fooled her into thinking that love meant compromise - but only on her side. You taught her to apologize even when it wasn’t her fault. You convinced her that loving you meant needing you. She learned how to love from someone who made her believe that her world revolved around him.

So, because of you, she lies awake at night crossing out every name on her imaginary list. She is so scared of loving someone again because she cannot bare the thought of being consumed by someone in the same way you consumed her.

She’s found solace in being alone because of the heartache you brought her in being in another’s company.

—  excerpt from an unfinished book #135 // If she never loves again, it’s your fault

*Jongin and Kyungsoo at a party*

Random guy: Kyungsoo is that you?!

Kyungsoo: Yes! Omg how have you been?!

Random guy: Omg I’ve been fantastic!! Is this your boyfriend?

Kyungsoo: Yeah, this is Jongin! 

Jongin: *Smiles, waves, sweats*

Kyungsoo: Jongin, this is one of my former classmates from high school.

Jongin:

Kyungsoo: We also dated a little too, so I guess he’s also my Ex, hehe

Jongin:

instagram

cr: alvabear94

All I remember is that I wanted to hurt you as bad as you had hurt me.

So, I accepted an offer to go on a date. In a town as small as ours, I knew word would get back around to you.

For an entire night, I sat in a stranger’s passenger seat and I let him hold my hand. I let a stranger begin to fall in love with me. I laughed at his jokes, and I looked at him like he wanted to be looked at. And I let a stranger get as close to me as he wanted. Because little did he know, I was not in that car with him. I was somewhere far, far away — wherever my heart was. Wherever you were.

—  excerpt from an unfinished book #126