Today my Lee suprised me by picking me up from the theatre. He suddenly stood in front of my changing room with a huge grin on his face offering me his arm.
It was a cool night and we were walking quickly to get home fast. We didn’t want to take a cab, though, because we both craved a hot chocolate. So we walked and hopped into a lovely café and ordered our drinks. The waitress was very nice, and she offered to put some special marshmallows into our hot chocolates: in snowman shape! Of course we said yes - how cute!
We kept walking home while we waited til our chocolate was cool enough to drink it, but when Lee openend the lid of his mug, he suddenly stood still in shock!
“My marshmallows are gone,”he complained.“And I had looked forward to eating them so much! This is just like a couple year ago… I knew I should never have had marshmallows in my hot chocolate ever again!”
Then Lee told me about his sad childhood trauma….I couldn’t really believe what I heard and I got tears in my eyes…
“I was 9 years, 6 months, 3 weeks and 12 hours old… My mum had made hot chocolate for me and she put in some marshmallows and said it would taste even better,” he began. “I loved marshmallows and I wanted to eat them when the drink would’ve cooled down, but then when I looked into the cup, they were gone! Of course, being a kid, I didn’t know they would melt… It was such a trauma, and I haven’t trusted marshmallows since!”
I could barely hide my laughter, so I bit my lip, hugged Lee and said: Oh come on, hon. Don’t be sad. Let us go back and get some new marshmallows. And this time we won’t let them melt!
So we went into a local supermarket and bought a bag of mini marshmallows and currently, we’re cuddled up on the sofa, noshing on them..
For every single gift daddy, splenda or free vacay I’ve gone on (I’ve been on 3 this yr and was suppose to have one this weekend 😧😟🙁) this is the trap I use.
1) I casually throw out lingerie shopping for myself out there which of course will entice them. Note: I initially didn’t ask him for anything, just stated it would inevitably happen.
2) He bites…he wants to see. That’s when I ask if he’s buying it. Usually its a “yes” to which I’ll flirt back. In the rare occasion that it’s a “no”, I let him no that he shouldn’t even ask to see me in anything sexy if he’s not willing to buy me something sexy to wear. This usually turns a “no” into a “yes”.
3) I include him in the shopping. I send him photos of things I’m thinking about buying. If he starts to fantasize, I’ll slightly indulge him like “oh yea, I DO think my butt will look great in that…”
4) I up sale him. For example “oh yea, I DO think my butt will look great in that… Can’t you imagine me in lingerie and pearls/at dinner in nude heels and a form fitting dress with my lingerie peeking from underneath/ red lipstick and chanel?”
I’m creating an image for him that he thinks is based for his pleasure but already I’ve gone from just lingerie to pearls, dinner, shopping for shoes and dresses, makeup and perfume. And he doesn’t feel forced because he’s trying to bring to life the image I created for him.
Another trick could be to double up. Once you agree on a set or whatever tell him that you want to pick out another as a complete surprise for him and that he can’t see it until you wear it. Now you have two sets! (Assuming you have his card or he paypal you the money).
It starts small then you just add on a bit more every time. It helps if he believes You’re already accustomed to this treatment. If he thinks every man does this for you and that if he doesn’t do it, another will, And that he won’t get your time of day without it then he’ll more than likely get on board if he truly wants your attention. Btw of all the men I’ve used this on…. young vanillas are the easiest. Truly. Honestly.
Some disjointed thoughts about going forward from here
The most important thing right now is to be as vocal and educated and empathetic an ally as you can for everyone with more to fear than you.
Don’t judge people for enjoying the little things, they are more important than ever. Be patient with each other.
Take care of yourselves, this is going to be exhausting on so many levels, but sitting idly by is not an option and we’re going to need each other. Seek out peace, joy, laughter, and comfort where you can, provide it when you have the energy to, and take courage. You are not alone. We are in this together.