kazaams

*enters an ancient stone temple and places these onto four separate pedestals, unlocking a secret vault which contains the director’s cut of Kazaam and a mint condition Shaq-Fu*

New favorite movie I swear to God

Okay Kazaam is a 1996 movie that features Shaquille O’Neal as a genie that is stumbled upon by a young boy, who thus earns 3 wishes and hijinks ensue. I mean I don’t want to spoil it but by the end of the movie, hand to God, the kid is in mortal danger but Shaq isn’t around to save him because he’s too focused on his burgeoning rap career.

Originally posted by birthmoviesdeath

There really isn’t anything about this movie that isn’t supremely shitty, but God damn there’s something so likable about it. The kid is bratty and mean even at the end of the movie, the plot is absolutely incoherent, and none of the characters have any sort of arc, but there’s just something so fun about watching Shaq play an ancient genie for about an hour and a half. I dunno, it just seems like he’s really having fun. Half the time I couldn’t even understand what he was saying because I guess his acting coach never taught him about enunciation, I was still transfixed.

Originally posted by birthmoviesdeath

My favorite thing about this movie is this thing that they do where they try to convey the irony of the fact that Kazaam has infinite power but has to keep it a secret by having every guy on the street try to fight Shaq. Like in the script it probably says “if only they knew the kind of power they were messing with,” which is all well and good except that Shaquille Rashaun O’Neal is literally 300 feet tall and 40,000 pounds and could destroy any man on a whim in real life. There is nothing that this man could do that would ever make me even consider a physical confrontation, genie or no genie.

Also there are like 4 different shots of him putting his gargantuan hands on the kids face and it’s the scariest fucking thing in the world.

Originally posted by josiahthegreat

I guess that’s pretty much all I have to say I very much recommend this film to any lovers of cinema. This is the polar opposite of Knock Knock, (which I reviewed earlier) which was a shitty movie that just made me sad and embarrassed for the people involved, this was a shitty movie that made me smile and want to watch it again. 

Kazaam
(ミラクル・アドベンチャー/カザーン)
(1996; Paul Michael Glaser)

Another reported example is the widespread occurrence of false memories of a movie titled Shazaam and starring the comedian Sinbad; such false memories may be the product of a confluence of factors such as the presence of a character named Sinbad in The Thousand and One Nights, the casting of Shaquille O'Neal as a genie in the similarly named 1996 film Kazaam, and cross-race effects increasing the likelihood that non-members of a given ethnic group will mistake members of that group for each other even when those members’ appearances are so dissimilar as to be easily distinguishable by most other members of that group.

anonymous asked:

I'm not good at giving words of encouragement, but I can tell you a pun to get you to laugh: A Spanish magician has a grand magical show and at the end he says he will disappear after counting to three. He starts to count, "Un, dos…" Kazaam! He vanished without a tres.

omMMMMM 

6 Other Shacks On The Cusp of Closing


RadioShack has filed for class 11 bankruptcy, spelling the end for America’s favorite electronics store. As fans of the chain grieve its departure, let’s not forget these other beloved shacks that, like RadioShack, are facing uncertain times.

Jeff’s Shack
Jeff Ozark has been maintaining a wooden shack on his Westchester property since he moved there in 1993. Jeff has everything you’d expect from a world class shack: power tools, pool noodles, and partially deflated basketballs. But ever since Ricky Shin moved in across the street and built a three car garage replete with a workbench and basketball hoop, neighbors have stopped coming by. And it doesn’t help that the local kids think, nay, know it’s haunted.

My Uncle Leo’s Man Shack
The future is grim for my uncle Leo’s shack, located just behind their above ground pool in Bergen County, New Jersey. My aunt Barb is on a tear after she found mice in the shack, and according to sources she “wants it gone, and I’m talking now.” Leo is adamant about keeping the shack, claiming it’s his last vestige of single life and “where else will [he] keep [his] Dead posters.” Leo plans to stand his ground, but that’s ground he seems to be losing quickly on account of the fact that he just got laid off, and he still hasn’t installed the new dishwasher.

The Shack
Not to be confused with RadioShack’s failed 2009 rebranding effort, this unnamed shack located deep inside Idaho’s Sawtooth National Forest needs a miracle to make it through the winter. For years, The Shack was a favorite of woodland creatures and vagabonds alike, but in recent years, business has plummeted. Some experts blame the decline on its desolate location, far from from any potential foot traffic. Others argue it’s because of all the murders.

Bruno’s Cabana
Now, you may be thinking that this cabana isn’t a shack. But don’t worry, cabana is just Portuguese for shack. But do worry because it’s probably closing. This Brazilian haunt tucked away in Rio’s famous Ciudad de Dios favela was once frequented by gangs for their delicious Capirñas and Mojitos. But this tin treasure fell on hard times as Brazilian forces tried to clean up the slums in preparation for the World Cup. Bruno’s struggles exemplify the unseen toll that massive global events like the World Cup and the Olympics take on developing nations. But woo-wee, me likey those Mojitos!

Radios Shack
Radios Shack has been the source for antique radios in the Albany area for decades, but if you’re just tuning in you might want to dial it back because this is one shack of radios that has made its last broadcast. In an age of iPhones and podcasts, Radios Shack is a symbol of a bygone era. And who better to serve as the poster child for that era than Radios Shack’s 97 year old owner, Mildred Cartwright. On her store’s closing, Mildred said, “In my day, radios were currency, and all you had to do to raise your children was tune in to Grand Ole Opry on AM 650 and let Roy Acuff sing them to sleep. I once turned on my Fisher AM/FM receiver and left the house for 2 months and the kids were just fine. I went on a cruise to Buenos Aires and paid for it entirely in radios.”

Shaq
Some know him as Shaq Diesel, others as Shaq Fu, and others still, as Kazaam. But to most of us, he was just our friend, Shaq. Basketball star Shaquille O’Neil was a giant both on and off the court (and literally because he’s huge), but since retiring in 2011 this king amongst shacks has not played in a single NBA game. Will he ever play basketball again? Experts say unequivocally no. I say, only time will tell.


[Zach Goldbaum is a comedian and filmmaker living in Brooklyn. Follow him on Twitter (@zachgoldbaum) and check out his videos on the prestigious YouTube.com]

Nostradamus earned a place in the pages of history by vaguely predicting vague world events that vaguely came true, sort of. Nostradamus’ followers allege that in his book The Prophecies, published way back in the 16th century, he predicted things like Hitler’s rise to power, the Kennedy assassination, and the 9/11 attacks. And yet he said nothing about Shaquille O'Neal’s Kazaam.

But still, it’s precisely the vagueness of his writing that gives Nostradamus that air of mystery that has allowed him to remain a household name for so many centuries. Does this mean that 500 years from now people will see that “ancient aliens” guy from the History Channel as a powerful mystic? Probably, yes.

But he also wrote Treatise on Make-Up and Jam, which is exactly what it sounds like: a cookbook full of jam recipes.

Nostradamus’ jams were apparently so yummy that the book managed to become a best-seller in 1555, back when like five people knew how to read. It even became the standard on how to make jam by the jam makers in Paris.

6 Books That Destroy Your Image of the People Who Wrote Them

Tumblr Tuesday: The Academy Awards

The Academy
Official Tumblr of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. Celebrate 86 years of ceremonial bliss by boning up on very special moments from the past. 

Ellen DeGeneres
The host of this year’s show will be hungover the morning after the event. Celebrities really are just like us. 

Wolfgang Puck
Official caterer of the Academy Awards 20 years in a row. Winners will celebrate with Mini Oscars Lollipops. Losers will repress their feelings with the same.

A La Française
Answers all your questions about what rich, French chickens are doing with their spare time. Highly commended by the Academy.

Shaq in Frozen
After being snubbed for Kazaam, Shaquille O’Neal’s talents are finally being recognized for his work in the animated sleeper hit Frozen

Photo via Wolfgang Puck Catering