fact: it is not healthy to constantly lock yourself away in your room.
fact: it is not healthy to constantly live online.
fact: mental disorders are not excuses.
you might be thinking that i’m just another neurotypical person who has no idea what i’m talking about.
i have three mental illnesses of my own; ADHD, depression, and generalized anxiety.
on january 9th, i was admitted to hospital for an overdose on medication – attempted suicide.
since then, it has been an absolute ride between ups and downs, loops and spirals and corners that seem impossible to turn.
i was taken to a psychiatrist.
put into therapy.
i did a weekly activity at one of our three city hospitals that involved doing physical activity with other people my age.
i was to constantly check in with the school counsellor.
i didn’t write semester end finals.
at home, medications were locked in a safe that i didn’t know the code to. to this day, they still are, and i still don’t know that code.
do you know what caused the overdose?
i locked myself away in my room and i was constantly online. i didn’t do my homework and i was always in trouble for it, and my grades weren’t where i wanted them to be. i was terrified for finals and i was terrified to fail. my mom and i were always fighting because i would never listen when she told me to get offline and do my schoolwork.
so i tried to quit.
obviously, it didn’t work, because i’m here writing this post. and this post might not seem like it has a point, but guess what? it does.
you are your own worst enemy. you are also your own biggest support. and it’s all on you to decide which you’re gonna be.
let me tell you something.
i brought up my own math grade by over 20%. i was failing with a 43% and when school ended, i had brought it to a 67%.
i didn’t do all my homework but i did more than i had beforehand. nobody told me to. i did it myself.
now, let me tell you a fact.
your mental illness isn’t gonna go away.
locking yourself in your room and reblogging depressing black and white shit isn’t going to do fuck all.
making yourself bleed, bruise, etc isn’t going to do fuck all, and trust me, i’ve done that too.
you can vent to three friends, you can listen to a hundred songs, and it won’t do jack shit.
you can go to therapy, counselling, and every type of help you want to, and it won’t help.
do you know why?
because y o u have to do it. you have to accept that help. you have to put advice into play. you know what you’re going to get told? you’re gonna get told over and over that you need to sleep, eat right, exercise. you’re gonna get told over and over that you need to spend less time online.
nothing is going to matter if you don’t.
say hi to your family.
meet up with one of your friends.
eat a real meal instead of crackers and snacks.
drink water instead of soda and energy drinks.
open the curtains and then open the window.
read a real, physical book.
take a shower.
play with your pets if you have some.
remember that passion you dropped? pick it back up.
try something new while you’re at it.
do your goddamn homework.
study for your goddamn tests.
because i didn’t. because i hid in my room and i stayed on my phone and my laptop constantly.
because this is what almost killed me and i’ll be damned if i watch people think it’s fun and cool and end up the same way that i did.