Production shot of Evan Peters (as Rory Monahan as Edward Philippe Mott), Kathy Bates (as Agnes Mary Winstead as Thomasin ‘The Butcher’ White), and Wes Bentley (as Dylan as Ambrose White) in ‘AHS: Roanoke’.
Infinite List of Favorite Movies - Titanic, dir. James Cameron
“Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me… it brought me to you. And I’m thankful for that, Rose. I’m thankful. You must do me this honor. Promise me you’ll survive. That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.”
Henry the Eighth's Wives Ranked by Friendability: History Ranked 1 (REISSUED)
So, there is a reason I’m reissuing this. Sometimes I forget that people don’t automatically know what my intent is and what posts mean. Also, I forget that people actually read there. So, instead of going by personal opinions(which the title stated were a main basis) which made people upset, I’m going to go by a more objective Friendability scale.
1. Anne Boleyn. We don’t really know that much about her personality, but we know enough to say she’d be pretty fucking chill to hang with. Many people say she was a feminist. But, how can you be a feminist if that’s not a thing? One reason people think of her as the OG feminist queen is because she displays what we think of as traits of more modern feminist. Active in politics? Check. Charming? Check. Probably pretty damn funny? Check. Raised in French court with Marguerite de Navarre, who ran one of the most influential ladies’ intellectual salons of not just the time, but possibly ever? Fucking check. But this doesn’t mean that other wives weren’t as progressive. They just didn’t showcase their ideals to the world in as modern of ways as Anne did. That doesn’t make them any less feminist. You can fight me if you think so. Tied with…..
2. Anne of Cleves, aka “Wasn’t she the ugly one?” Nope. Don’t. Fucking. Go. There. With. Me. Some ugly ass obese motherfucker is gonna come out here, say “I like her not!”, and ruin her reputation for good? Not on my fucking watch. Anne didn’t push the boundaries, which is normally not a good thing, but in this case, it was exactly what needed to be done. She was like, “Hey, maybe I won’t push it with this dude who doesn’t like me all that much and literally had the last wife he didn’t like anymore killed.” You shouldn’t have to think like that, and the other wives didn’t force their own fate by being “too pushy”. Henry is just the worst. But whatever Anne did during her time as queen fucking worked. When Henry wanted a divorce, do you think she was fucking sad? No, bitch! It was probably more like, “Oh thank god, I’m not going to be fucking murdered by this grotesque asshole.” Due to her cooperation, she got a shit ton of money and land and was granted status as the king’s sister.
3. YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE. YOU THOUGHT I WAS FUCKING DONE WITH ANNE OF CLEVES. YOU FUCKING THOUGHT. *clears throat* I digress. Anne was the only wife other than Katherine Parr to outlive Henry, and she lived a pretty dope, peaceful life. She kept up good relations with both Mary and Elizabeth. She even rode in the carriage with Elizabeth at Mary’s coronation. And when Mary, Catholic™, was told that Anne, Lutheran, Mary didn’t even check that shit out. And yes, this is the Mary that burned Protestants at the stake.(not meant as a jab at Mary, just gotta state the facts).
3. Katherine Parr. Pretty damn close to Anne of Cleves on the Common Sense-o-Meter. Also, mad props for being married to Henry at his oldest and most grotesque. She was supes into politics, even becoming regent while Henry was being a douche fighting in one of his precious lil wars. It was Katherine that pushed Henry to restore Mary and Elizabeth to the throne, and helped to educate Elizabeth and Edward. But Kathy Kat Kat did all of this without bein fuckin beheaded or divorced, and while anti-Protestant courtiers were spreadin rumors and shiz. She did outlive Henry, but only by one year. She’d be the chill, pacifist seeming friend that’s also low key liberal.
4. Katherine of Aragon. Hey, you’ve moved up since last time! Good for you. I didn’t give poor Katherine a fair shot. Maybe because I wrote the original late at night after reading an Anne Boleyn biography, which inevitably had some Katherine hate. And I’m still mad about the Chapuys shit, and don’t approve of the way she treated Anne. But, really, would you not be at least a little bit petty to your ex’s new wife? Katherine did some feminist shit, dude. She did it more quietly than Anne Boleyn, much like Katherine Parr, but she did it. Katherine was also regent for a time, and may I say she was pretty damn good. After the divorce, she stayed stuck in her ways with Anne and protestants, but hey, who wouldn’t? The fact that everybody loved her after the divorce may be in a small part due to some bad reports of Anne, but Katherine may have actually been the one to influence those reports(looking at u Chapuys). But she also held her own for pretty much all her life. No man is an island, but this woman is. Also, she kept faithful to Catholicism her whole life. Religious and feminist? Hell yes.
5.Katherine Howard. Poor, sweet, Katherine Howard. She deserved 0% of what happened to her, including being married to a repulsive old man at 17. If you have ever called Katherine Howard a whore fuck you. Fuck you and your entire fucking family bitch ass cunt. Sorry, got a lil out of hand there. Neither she nor her cousin deserved execution. We don’t really know much about her, but she would’ve been pretty fun at parties, and she definitely has more friend potential than….
6. Jane Seymour. Not the best. Subservient, product of a patriarchal society. Pretty uneducated, which isn’t her fault, but would probably make her less fun to talk to. “Bound to obey and serve.” Tiptoed around Henry so as not to disturb him for her whole queenship, but that’s totally understandable. I still love her. Bonus points for helping poor Mary out and for marrying a dude right after he murdered his wife, that’d have to be pretty scary. But hey, we can’t really say, can we? We can’t talk to these ladies. All we know is the man-made history we were given. Maybe she was a badass. But, alas, right now we are working with the history of “Men, and also their wives sometimes”.
So, there was my more objective assessment. Of course, Friendability is always sort of in the eye of the beholder. What are your thoughts? And is there anything I missed?