kateincense

Here is a sample of writing since I haven’t had time to edit (due to homework). Kate and I have started a Girl Who Lived roleplay, due to a comment my brother and father made. To give you some background, Katelyn Kohlhorst is the Girl Who Lived. She is far from being the canon Boy Who Lived, though there are some similarities. Kate was born to a muggleborn Ravenclaw and a pureblood Slytherin. She was rasied by her muggle aunt and uncle, who have a young son and duaghter of their own (younger than Kate). However, her aunt and uncle do not have a hatred for magic, and Kate has known her father’s sister, a witch of course, since she could remember. In this story exists Kayla, a half blood born to a muggle and a Hufflepuff (but as she’s not replacing a vital role I’ll leave it at that). Also, to make note, everything else that happened story wise remains the same, with the exception of Harry, of course, but even that is relatively unchanged. Harry Potter was still born to Lily and James, who were killed on Halloween after defying Voldemort. Lily saved Harry by hiding him in a cupboard while he slept and Sirius was still charged with their betrayal and the murder of the muggles. Because Harry did not have to stay protected under the wards of his aunt’s house, Dumbledore allowed Remus Lupin, despite his condition, to take custody of Harry, as Dumbledore believed it would be best for the both. To make a note about Snape, yes, he still loved Lily, still hates Harry, and also hates Kayla because both of her uncles picked on him while they were at school. I included this because Snape always reminded me of a teacher I had who hated me because he had my uncles as students.

The first morning of the term brought a bright sun and a clear and beautiful day. Kayla awoke earlier than the other girls in her dorm. Well, at least she thought so. Another girl was up as well, but they didn’t say much to each other as they got ready. Kayla headed downstairs and was reminded how cozy the Gryffindor common room was. The flutters of doubt about not being placed into Hufflepuff had disappeared when the Gryffindors greeted her warmly. The only thing that made her wish for the den of a common room with the Hufflepuffs was that it, from what her mother had told her, was just below the ground floor. She wondered if Godric Gryffindor had been quite barmy, putting their common room on the seventh floor.

She was earlier for breakfast than most of the students, and those who were there were blinking and bleary eyed. She ate a breakfast that was second only to her parent’s cooking and began jotting down a letter to her mother, who had made her promise to write. She knew her mother would be proud of her house placement, but bit the inside of her cheek at the mocking she knew her uncles would give her when they found out. She tried to spot her friend from the day before, but the light haired girl wasn’t at the Slytherin table and she waited at the table for her. Professor McGonagall began passing out the class timetables down the table when she had finally spotted Kate as she ran in. The girl didn’t linger, despite it still being early, only grabbing some juice before quickly made her escape. Fortunately her head of house, a man the other students called Snape, interceded her to hand her her own schedule. Kayla quickly grabbed hers from Professor McGonagall, who was the Gryffindor head, thanking the older woman hurriedly and ran out of the Great Hall after her friend, “KATE! KAAATE! WAIT UP! OH FOR- CULO!”

Kate stopped and turned around with an amused expression on her face, watching the girl she met on the train the day before run up to her. She was quite loud, but the gesture of friendship still made her smirk. “Didn’t you hear Kayla? I’m the black plague!” She called out across the Entrance Hall, “You can’t come within ten feet of me!”

The young Gryffindor came to a stop about five feet short and exclaimed with mock astonishment, “Oh no! Is it serious? Have you been to the infirmary! Oh bollocks, do you think I need to be quarantined!?” She grinned and took a few more steps until she stood right beside the other first year, “Do you think they’ll quarantine us together?”

“Oh boy, I sure do hope so. You’d be a much better infirmary mate than any of these halfwits.”  Kate replied cheerfully. Kayla nodded to her friend’s timetable, “We have Potions together; want to sit next to each other?”

Before she could answer a familiar voice from the night before rang out across the Entrance Hall, “FRED, LOOK! LOOK WHO IT IS!”

“I see her, George! I see her!” An identical voice replied, just as loudly. The Weasley twins, who were apparently named Fred and George, came jogging across the hall towards them and when they were only a few feet away they stopped and shouted, “IT’S THE DARK LORD!”

Kayla suppressed a laugh as they dropped to their knees and began bowing while calling out, “WE’RE NOT WORTHY! WE’RE NOT WORTH!” Kate looked at the twins and giggled before turning to Kayla with a confused expression, “What?”

Kayla shrugged, grinning in amusement as the twins scrambled to their feet, coming to hover around Kate, one of them asking, “Can I take your bag, Miss Dark Lord, ma'am?” While the other asked, “Is there anything you require, Miss Dark Lord, ma'am?” Kayla quieted her laughter long enough to add, “Kate, these two are Fred and George Weasley. Ron’s older brothers.”

Kate was more than happy to join in with the two that seemed to be ignoring the fact that everyone was shunning her. “Weasleys?” Her face lit up in recognition, “haven’t you heard? I’m apparently a Weasley too!”

This actually brought up the twins up short, they obviously hadn’t been expecting this reaction, but they grinned and took it in stride. One of them asked excitedly, “Oh really, ma'am? Are you our long lost cousin?”

“Well,” Kate said with a grin, “according to Draco Malfoy, anyone who had red hair and freckles is a Weasley.”

The twins laughed and at that moment Kayla noticed Ron, the twins’ younger brother, walking out of the Great Hall, shouldering his bag. Kayla gave him a friendly nod and the twins noticed him, calling out loudly, “RON!” “OH RONALD!”

“ICKLE WICKLE RONNIKINS!” One said with a nasal twang to his voice.

“DID YOU HEAR?” The other asked with mock excitement.

“YES, DID YOU HEAR, BROTHER?”

“WE HAVE A DARK LORD IN THE FAMILY!” They paused their confusing dialogue just long enough for what they said to sink in and while Kayla began laughing once more, Ron’s ears turned bright pink. He tried to arch around them, but they were bigger and grabbed him and dragged him closer to the two girls, “Come, Ronald, let us praise her together!”

“Georoff!” Ron protested meekly, as though embarrassed by his older brothers, but the twins quickly grabbed the three first years up into a large hug, much to amusement of all of the onlookers.

“FAMILY REUNION!” One of the twins sang out and Kayla, through her laughter corrected them, “But I’m not a Weasley!”

Without missing a beat the other twin sand out, “Hello, Long Lost Weasley, WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!”

“Cant. Breathe. Help.” Kate said feebly, still grinning.

The laughter was broken, though when a stern voice commanded, “that will be quite enough!” When Fred and George released the “new Weasleys” they saw it was Professor McGonagall, who had emerged from the Great Hall. “Don’t you have classes to be getting ready for?” She asked, staring daggers at the noisy group.

The twins saluted her smartly, “Aye, aye, captain. We’re just getting off to them!” “Had to give our praise to the Dark Lord, first, of course!” The other added. They made a hasty retreat when her mouth pinched into a thin line and it only took a raise of the eyebrow to send the three first years off towards the dungeons. Kate shyly smiled up at the professor before quickly turning around to follow the two Gryffindors to class.

“So uh… Your brothers are nice,” Kate said to Ron as they walked to potions. Ron’s ears were still bright pink and he mumbled something before walking quickly ahead of them. Kayla rolled her eyes. “Some of the people at this school are so dense.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Kate asked Kayla hesitantly.

“Nope. People are freaked out because they think you’re going to be the next Dark Lord. They’re being stupid.” She answered truthfully. Kate looked down at her feet as she walked. “I was just a baby… I don’t know what happened that night…” she said softly.

Kayla shrugged, “That’s why it’s pointless. I hate when PEOPLE,” She raised he voice a little louder so Weasley would hear her, “Make assumptions about people for the houses they’re placed in!”

 “It’s just something I have to get used too I guess.” She said as she shrugged her shoulders.

Kayla stopped in the doorway of the classroom and gave a fake bow, adopting a lofty voice, “Yes, my Dark Lord Ma'am, if you should require any assistance, do not hesitate to crucio!” Some of the first years shot her dirty looks at the word, but she ignored them. Kate chuckled as she walked into the room. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her as she walked over to an empty seat in the middle of the class room. She ignored them and sat down before taking out her book. Kayla followed her and saw the Gryffindors shoot her some dirty looks, but pulled out her text book and a pen, which looked out of place amongst the quills.

Seeing the stares from all over the room out of the corner of her eyes, she joked to Kayla, “I think everyone is staring at your pen.” Kayla looked around at the room and then announced loudly, “My pen is a wonderful pen and it had been good to me and it has feelings!” Some of the Gryffindors chuckled and looked away, but many of the Slytherins just stared at her in confusion.

Professor Snape, her Head of House walked into the classroom at that moment and glared at Kayla. “There will be no talking or yelling in my class. Ten points from Gryffindor.” H took his place at the front of the room and leveled a cool stare at the class of first years. Kayla glanced at Kate, her hands held aloft, palms up in question. She opened her mouth, an indignant look on her face and Kate quickly kicked her shin. Catching the hint she shut her mouth, but continued glaring daggers at the Potions professor.

So just so you know Kate and I decided to start this role play in which she is the Girl Who Lived, based on two comments, one made by my brother and another made by my father. 

Since then we’ve planned out an idea in which Kate is the Girl Who Lived instead of Harry and what would happen if people we knew attended Hogwarts, it’s basically for shits and giggles.

Kate. Gifs.

For you.

Cause we always say this, even though we never watched Scott Pilgrim together.

Sherlock Holmes is a God, and we want to go adventuring this summer so badly.

“WHAT THE HELL IS A HUFFLEPUFF!” Is said to me all the time.

Because I thought this would make you laugh :)

Because I knew you would coo at the fluffy kitties.

Because you introduced me to Game of Thrones and told me I’m Arya.

Because I need to see Thor and the Avengers

Because Pugs.

And because even though you’re not a fan of Lord of the RIngs, we remind me a little too much or Merry and Pippin.

kateincense and i came up with a really bad 12 Days of Christmas song as we were driving around Palm Beach last night, screaming it as we looked at christmas lights. i would sing it, but no

On the Twelfth Day of Chritmas my true love gave to me

Twelves Inches Long

Eleven Dildos Buzzing

Ten Queens-a-Flaming

Nine Broken Condoms

Eight Maids-a-Sucking

Seven Gags and Whips

Six Hoe Hoe Hoes

Five Anal Beads! Bah Dah Bum Bum

Four Pretty Hookers

Three Cock Rings

Two Huge Balls

And a Really Big Fucking Dick! 

Day Two In The Homeland

Today started off well enough, we slept in, but then, well…

  • We were all packed up and ready to go to Downtown Disney, when, da da da da! I realized I locked my keys in the car the night before in my exhaustion. 
  • First we called my father for advice and he suggested to ask the hotel if they could help us or recommend someone.
  • We went up front only to have us pointed to the maintenance man who said he’d come and take a look.
  • In the process Kate takes this picture, 

     and posted it on facebook with this caption, “Day Two in Orlando. Kayla locks her keys in the car at the hotel. Kate is not amused.”
  • One thing you should know about my car, which we lovingly named “Excalibur, the Disneymobile”, is that it is ghetto as hell. When the maintenance guy shows up outside our hotel room he realizes he shouldn’t have too much of a problem because it’s an older car.
  • So what does this guy do?
  • He looks at me and says, “Wanna know how I pop locks?” He takes the ANTENNA off his freaking TRUCK  and folds it in half and slips it in and in a matter of minutes I’m shouting, “SUCCESS!”
  • And off we went. From Downtown Disney we hopped to Epcot. 
  • This started off great with this Irish family. We were basking in the amazingness of their accents, when we realized the comments they were making about the people around us were HILARIOUS;
  • “Wait til she has to pay taxes, then she’ll have something to bawl about.”
  • You have to understand though. It was just completely Irish and it was beautiful and hilarious.
  • We did Testtrack and made this hideous car that was covered in butterflies. I would upload the picture, but tumblr is being temperamental. 
  • And stalked boys; 

  • We decided for code words we would call all sexy men “Flynn” and all adorable or cute men “Pascal.”
  • But around 6 o'clock we decided we were tired and that we were going to call it an early night and get some rest before getting dinner.
  • Kate needed me to run by an ATM so she could get money and we found one in this little downtown area.
  • She starts talking about how beautiful it is and how she wants to live there. So I respond explaining how expensive the area must be.
  • It is here we realize we are right around the corner from Stetson University.
  • And then we quickly became distracted by the cute men on bicycles. So much so I almost hit them (don’t judge me they were riding in the middle of my side of the road).
  • We kept seeing cute men every where and we quickly decided we want to now attend Stetson University’s Graduate program. 
  • Finally we made it out of the Stetson area and back onto the highway to get some Panda Express (which Kate kept calling Oriental Panda, in a manner similar to how I call “Testtrack” “Fasttrack”). We were talking loudly about the cute boys on bicycles and how we were basing our life choices on them when we realized we were at a dull roar and attracting the attention of the pedestrians. 
  • The plaza where Panda Express (“Oriental Panda”) was located was next to a Super Target. Only the “er” in “Super” was out. So it looked like this; 

  • As we were finally making our way back to the hotel, Kate starts screaming at me,“ IS THAT A KRISPY KREME SIGN? THAT KRISPY KREME LIGHT IS ON!” In her words, “Day Two in Orlando UPDATE: I just spent two minutes continuously slapping and screaming at Kayla as she tried to maneuver her way across a busy intersection because the light was on at Krispy Kreme and I was excited.”
  • I haven’t really ever had Krispy Kreme doughnuts before because we don’t have one anywhere near us, so I didn’t understand what the big deal is about. And then we pulled up and got fresh Krispy Kreme doughnuts and added it as another reason to why we need to go to Stetson.
  • It was only when we got back did we realize Stetson’s graduate program only supports a graduate program for my major and not hers.
  • END DAY TWO
  • Update: Kate stuck on the fucking novella station and I can barely understand them so we’re talking over what they’re saying. It’s ridiculous. (“I PEED IN YOUR NACHOS!”)
Day One in the Homeland

I wasn’t able to post this last night since I kind of passed out the moment we got back, but for those of you who weren’t aware, Kate and I are in Disney for a week starting yesterday. Here is the things that have happened thus far, a Day Two post will follow shortly;

  • We loaded up the car and left in the late morning yesterday (Tuesday), and had to run a few errands before we were able to hit the turn pike and get out of Palm Beach County.
  • One of the errands was running by the bank. When I found out the coin machine wasn’t working I walked outside and shouted at the top of my lungs (the car windows were down), “HEY ESE!” and then I proceeded to get in the car.
  • The funny part came when we were pulling out and we realized that all the lawn maintenance men were staring at us. And then we realized what I had shouted. Yeah.
  • Next, can I just say, fucking lovebugs. Fucking lovebugs all over the windshield of my car.
  • Finally we made it to Orlando, checked in, and were shortly on our way to Disney.
  • We went to Magic Kingdom first and did the basic hopping around until about 8 o'clock, when we decided that with everyone was watching the fireworks it would be an opportune time to ride Splash Mountain several times in a row. 
  • The first time through I freaked out as we were going down the drop and I grabbed Kate’s hand (as they were raised), so we decided to stop and see the picture
  • Can we just
  • While our faces were priceless, we actually went and bought the picture cause of everyone else’s faces. Especially the woman in the front who we have kindly named “Fucking Abuela.”
  • It was here that we got stuck on a ride reset for about 20 minutes. 

  • We also found out the Blue Bird IS CREEPY AS FUCK. 
  • That’s right. They didn’t turn off the audio at first, and we realized that he says things like, “I’m glad you’re all right this time!” and “The Briar Patch is where you were born and the Briar Patch is were you’ll stay!” Seriously though;
  • We rode through several more times despite this and since we were ALL ALONE on the ride we yelled obscenities down each of the drops.
  • As we were leaving, we missed the U-turn to get onto the right rode and spent about a half hour driving around, shouting loudly at our fellow car drivers(“I CAN’T SEE AROUND YOUR FAT ASS!” “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” “I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.” Until we found our way back to the hotel, where we promptly crashed.
  • END DAY ONE
At the Gym with Kate
  • on the treadmills
  • Kate:*taps my arm*
  • Me:*pulls ear bud out* Yeah?
  • Kate:You know how there was a guy a couple treadmills over a few minutes ago?
  • Me:Yeah? And?
  • Kate:I think he turned into a shirt.
  • Me:...
  • Kate:*points at empty treadmill, shirt hanging on the side*
  • Me:...
  • Kate:Oh, wait, never mind, there he is.
  • Me:This is going on tumblr, you know.