The signs as Leslie Jones’s commentary at the Olympics
Aries: *curling* back to this shit
Taurus: I want you to read that Real closely: Russian. Curling. Doping. Scandal- how the Fuck is that in the same sentence, what kind dope do you need, to do, to curl motherfucker. Like do you need dope to want to do that?
Cancer: I got this I got this I- oh. Oh. I did not have that.
Leo: Um… somebody need to tell me what the fuck is going on
Virgo: *singing we are the champions off key*
Libra: MAN how was I never into Hockey whatT HE FUcK-
Scorpio: *watching live performance of gangnam style* IT NEEDS TO BE LIKE THIS EVERYWHERE
Sagittarius: U!S!A! SLAY! ALL! DAY!
Capricorn: Okay real talk? I know that she probably one of the nicest people, like, so nice- but when she got her game face on she look like she will slap the peanut butter and jelly out of your fuckin hand-
Aquarius: What in the slight FUCK is that
Pisces: Everytime they go into the penalty box there’s a dude there waiting to open the door for them, I wonder if he’s there to calm them down like “Hey how’s it goin, maybe let’s not be so violent on the ice”