Next up in the WAV series is Richard Roxburgh as Dracula.
If you aren’t familiar with Van Helsing, please allow me to break it down for you:
Gabriel Van Helsing (played by Hugh Jackman) is like a supernatural assassin/monster catcher for the Vatican. He’s a holy dude, ostracized by the people of the world who don’t understand his work or know about his affiliation with the church and see him as a killer of the monsters, whom they all knew as average people. The Vatican sends him after Dracula, whose life-work it is to take out the last of the Valerious family blood line and bring life to his undead children through Victor Frankenstein’s work and the use of his Monster.*
He literally spends half the movie banging his brides and trying to bring his kids to life.
(Non-Twilight-y) vampires are sexy; I just had to include an incarnation of Dracula in this series. And I think lots of people will agree that there are dozens of ways I could have gone as far as picking a weirdly attractive Dracula.
Full disclosure: Van Helsing is one of my favorites. I was OB-SESSED with this movie when I was about 14. I know every line by heart and I’m notorious for it; no one in my family will watch Van Helsing with me anymore. So it suffices to say that Dracula was one of my weird crushes as a kid.
Judge me, I dare you.
(And I know that this is going to irritate somebody, whether it be an avid Lugosi fan or anyone else that thought this movie was rubbish, but Van Helsing took a good spin and I enjoyed it.)
That said, let’s get started, shall we?
With tons of Draculas to choose from, you’re probably wondering why on earth I picked Richard Roxburgh.
He’s a sexual being, okay?
The whole movie is centered on the fact that he’s got three vampire brides and is trying to bring their thousands of undead babies to life. Thousands.
Maybe I’m reaching too far into some high-falutin Freudian shit, but part of me thinks that there’s a subconscious thing on my part. As a lady, there maybe might kind of be a level of desire for that father-type; I mean, Dracula wants to be a father…right?
Or maybe I just like that he almost immediately tries to turn Kate Beckinsale into his new slam piece.
Aside from being a sexual fellow, I think he genuinely cares for his brides. For fuck’s sake, when his first bride dies SPOILER ALERT he lunges out of his icy tomb and wails. (Plus, Ritz actually married one of his brides in real life; look it up.)
And he’s snarky as fuck. He promises his nemesis-turned-werewolf eternal suffering and then he waltzes with himself.
Finally: He’s fucking Dracula. The ultimate vampire, a powerful vampire. And his voice is hot**; I’m secure enough to admit that I don’t need much more than that.
Ladies and gentlemen, Count Vladislaus Dracula.
*Fun fact: I’ve met Schuler Hensley, who played the Monster when I saw Young Frankenstein the musical. He was very nice, and when I told him how much I loved Van Helsing he was tickled pink by it.
**Richard Roxburgh is really skilled at changing his voice for films. It took me two years to figure out that he was also the Duke in Moulin Rouge.