kat-von-d-lipstick

so i felt pretty today and actually did 5 minute makeup for the first time in like 30 years

foundation: kat von d lock-it in 42 neutral
lipstick: kat von d everlasting liquid matte lipstick in double dare
mascara: benefit roller lash in black

I got a kat von d lipstick sample in my… sephora play box this month, I think? and I really hate admitting it but sometimes the more expensive stuff really is higher quality bc this went on way more easily and is way more pigmented than the nyx stuff I usually use. also, it dries faster.

anyway here’s my face

ok this my list of hoe tips and life tips in general

- can’t get ur pussy smooth?? always prickly?? shave diagonally and horizontally instead of up and down, and always use a new blade

- can’t get ur pussy soft?? shave with hair conditioner and massage it in for like 30 seconds before. after u shave, massage with baby oil, and lotion after a shower

- EXFOLIATE. exfoliating is the key to life. mix used coffee grounds with a moisturizing oil (olive or coconut is best). rub that shit all over your legs before you shave until ur hands start to feel funny

- dry feet?? bih me too. rub a fuck ton of regular lotion (or foot cream if u fancy, even Vaseline works) all over your feet and put double socks (or fuzzy socks) on before bed. yass

- this one is the most basic but pls drink water. it’ll clear ur skin, flush out your kidneys to prevent bladder infections, and ur pussy gonna be wet asf

- salt, fat, caffeine, dairy, etc. r gonna make u taste all funky down there. fruits, veggies, and anything w high water content is gonna make u taste fresh/sweet

- smoking and drinking also gonna make u taste funky. and smoking is especially bad for u, so put out the cig babe

- using soap on ur pussy gonna fuck up ur pH bad. the vagina is a self cleaning device, and all u need is a really soft washcloth (or even a cotton shirt) and some water, let ur body do ur thing

- if ur used to wearing tampons and that’s what u find comfortable, use a menstrual cup! very sanitary and will save u a TON of money in the long run

- want a natural lip plumper?? mix a lil bit of cinnamon and honey, and gently rub it into your lips w a soft toothbrush n leave it on for a min. slather on some chapstick n ur plump n soft

- BUY A VIBRATOR. please do it. it will save ur fucking life

- cotton panties or no panties sis. ur kitty needs to breathe and cotton/no panties will prevent bacterial and fungal infection

- got hair on ur face? got rough skin? GURL SHAVE IT! wash your face as normal and pat dry, gently run a clean razor over any areas (cheeks, chin, neck). tone and moisturize like a motherfucker. smooth!

- pubic hair is healthy and good and keeps ur vag clean! don’t shave it unless YOU want to, don’t leave that decision up to ur nasty man

- allow urself junk in moderation. it’ll make making healthy choices easier if u allow urself a little treat every once in a while

- a simple equation for a good meal: vegetable + grain/carb, protein

- do ur fucking homework and do it on time

- rubbing a little bit of petroleum jelly on ur pressure points before spraying perfume will make it last longer

- hair holds onto scents v easily. wanna smell like a goddess????,,, spritz that hair

- kat von d everlasting liquid lipstick is blowjob proof. get messy n be on point!

- urban decay all nighter setting spray is gonna save ur life. it’ll keep ur shit in place when u getting dicked, if u cryin, chokin on dick, w/e u like to do

- if ur having trouble getting wet even after sufficient foreplay, a little bit of water based lube does WONDERS. also won’t deteriorate condoms (oil) or get gritty (silicone)

- need to stretch out ur shoes?? fill two ziploc bags with water and put them in ur shoes. put shoes in the freezer until water freezes solid, and dethaw with a hairdryer. especially effective on leather!

- having problems deepthroating? make sure ur throat is in line with ur mouth, if it’s not the dick won’t go down

- can’t deepthroat at all? cover ur teeth with ur top lip and press ur tongue to the roof of ur mouth while he thrusts. 10/10!

- communication w ur partner during sex will make it a trillion million times more satisfying

- frizzy hair? put conditioner on the tips of your hair (nape of the neck and down) and shampoo right on ur scalp. volumizes without frizzing!

- this one kinda weird but don’t hold ur pee unless u wanna mean bladder infection/UTI

- pee after u masturbate please. u never know what can shimmy up ur urethra, even when ur playin w the little man in the sailboat

- keep a pair of spare glasses with u for when ur contacts dry out. lifesaver

- always keep extra undies, an extra shirt, makeup remover, moisturizer, and comfy shoes in ur car/bag if u can fit all of it

- apply dry shampoo the night before ur gonna need it. it’ll soak up the oil before it sits on ur hair. reapply in the morning n style accordingly

- apple cider vinegar mixed with water works as a good toner if u ain’t got no moneyyyy

- castor oil on ur brows and lashes every night will make them thicker and longer. even just one day will help (bc they will be shiny and moisturized)

ill probs add onto this when i think of more!

Hoe Tips

Okay so these are tips that can make a hoes life so much easier. Enjoy 💕💕

1. Throw away any shaving cream use coconut butter or oil to shave, than apply oil after you dry off. BAM. NO STUBBLE. NO BURN. IT’S THE SHIT.

2. Don’t use shaving cream or coconut butter for your coochie. Use Johnson’s baby oil instead. You’ll have no razor burn.

3. There isn’t anything wrong with your natural coochie smell, but if you want to taste sweet eat cranberries or pineapple. SHIT WORKS.

4. Stretch marks on inner thighs? Use Vaseline and coconut oil over night EVERY NIGHT to get rid of them.

5. Men’s razors >>> womens razors. Cheaper, closer shave and cleaner.

6. Pee after sex. It’ll help prevent any UTIs. Don’t hold it in. UPDATE: I’ve changed it now, but this used to say pee to stop STIs, that is INCORRECT, and the only thing to stop STIs is a condom. Thank you to @infinitelaughing for correcting me!

7. Carry your own condoms. You’re a strong independent hoe and carry your Trojans proud.

8. If you’re braking out buy tea tree oil.

9. KAT VON D LIQUID LIPSTICKS ARE BLOWJOB PROOF. IT WILL NOT COME OFF. PLUS IT’S MATTE.

10. Matte makeup (foundation, lipstick, eyeliner) all lasts better against sheets for sex.

11. Want longer nails to scratch with? GARLIC ON NAIL BEDS. COCONUT OIL ON CUTICLES. GROW BITCHES GROW.

12. To make eyebrows fuller put on coconut oil before bed.

13. Add ½ cup of apple cider vinegar to your bath. It’ll reset the balance of your coochie’s PH. You’ll feel and smell r8 8/8

14. Run a hot bath. Favourite bubble bath. Soak. EXFOLIATE. When you get out put coconut oil all over your body.

15. Honey + white sugar - lip scrub
Coconut oil + brown sugar - body exfoliator

16. Dry feet are nasty af. Soak feet in hot water for 10 minutes before using a pumice stone to get rid of dead skin.

17. For extra soft feet, do above and put on heavy duty lotion, socks and sleep.

18. To hide a hickey. Green concealer all over, foundation and powder. GONE.

19. To remove blackheads use charcoal based soap. And use natural beaded exfoliants

20. If you want your coochie to be BABY SOFT get yoni oil. Shit is magical.

21. If your hair is feeling lifeless massage coconut oil in every night + put in a bun. Wash out in the morning.

22. Put your undies in three categories. 1. I’m getting fucked tonight 2. I could be spontaneously fucked. 3. Getting none today

23. On the days leading up to and after your period use a pad on your fav undies to stop staining.

24. Eyebrows can be on fleek fucking in a forest. Get Anastasia dipbrow pomade. Lifesaver.

25. 6-10 green tea bags in a bath will help energise skin and refresh. Skin will glow and be soft.

26. If you’re about to get dicked down DON’T wear cotton undies. It will trap lint in the crevice of your thighs.

27. Chlorasceptic throat numbing medication helps with deep throating.

28. DRINK WATER. cliché af but keep coochie smelling good and brightens skin.

29. Lemon juice and baking soda will remove any cum stains from clothes. I got you 😏

30. It’s your body. Don’t fucking listen to anyone

31. Shave your coochie under water

32. Put baby oil in your bath - baby soft duck yeah

33. Have a special coochie cleaning day. You’ll not regret it

Random hoe tips
  • Avoid caffeine before bed. 
  • Try to go to sleep around the same time every night. 
  • Avoid using electronic devices before bed. 
  • When choosing an outfit, stick to solid colors like black, olive, khaki, white, gray, nude, etc. They’ll go with anything. 
  • Drink!!! Your!!! Water!!! 
  • Using a toner for oily skin helps a lot. 
  • Find a moisturizer that doesn’t make your skin oily throughout the day. 
  • Exfoliate once or twice a week. 
  • Use castor oil or Vaseline to moisturize your eyelashes because they do need to be conditioned, just like your hair. 
  • If you don’t have time to wax, shaving with Neosporin leaves your kitty stubble-free. 
  • Kat Von D lipstick is blowjob proof. 
  • Estee Lauder’s Double-Wear foundation is smear-proof. 
  • Fantasia Smoothing Serum keeps your hair from flattening and tangling during sexy time. 
  • Switch to men’s deodorant and razors. You’ll see why. 
  • Use tea tree oil to moisturize where you usually shave. 
  • Shaving with baby oil also gives a stubble-free, smooth shave. 
  • Pat a bit of foundation on your lips before applying lipstick to make it last longer when making out and giving blowjobs. 
  • Matte finish foundations stick to your skin better and don’t rub off. 
  • Cranberries will make your kitty’s scent a little sweeter. 
  • Use coconut oil and Vaseline on your thighs nightly to eliminate stretch marks. 
  • Put garlic on your nail beds and coconut oil on your cuticles for longer nails. 
  • If you have marks from ingrown hairs on your kitty, rub on aloe vera for the itching and coconut oil to fade the marks. 
  • Threading your eyebrows lasts longer than waxing them. 
  • If you know you’re doing the dirty, don’t wear cotton panties because they can trap lint in the crevices of your thighs. 
  • When brushing your teeth, brush your tongue too to eliminate bad breath. 
  • Use a pumice stone to get dead skin cells off your feet and focus on your heels. 
  • Chloraseptic throat numbing medication helps incredibly with deepthroating. 
  • Lemon juice and baking soda removes cum stains. 
  • Yoni oil makes your kitty extremely soft. 
  • Peeing after sex decreases your risk of UTIs and STDs. 
  • Change the condom if you’re going from anal to vaginal sex so you’re more protected against bacteria. 
  • Applying a homemade body and face scrub made of brown sugar and honey can work wonders. 
  • For dry or peeling lips, use water and a toothbrush to exfoliate them. 
  • Floss daily. 
  • Olive oil repairs nails broken from acrylics. 
  • Add moisturizer to a foundation that’s a little too dark for you to lighten it up. 
  • Even if you’re on birth control, wearing condoms can help prevent against STDs. 
  • Don’t let your number of partners affect you; to each their own. 
  • Don’t use soap in, near, or around your kitty. 
  • Coffee and salty foods will make your kitty taste bitter, so stick to water, tea, or juice. 
  • Don’t constantly use bath bombs or take bubble baths as they can give your kitty an infection. Keep it to a minimum. 
  • Never spray perfume in or on your kitty. This is a no-brainer. 
  • Don’t lie to your doctors about being sexually active. 
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My look for my friend malediction13 ’s event last night. Had so much fun dancing with wherbeckiv and seeing old friends. For this look, I decided to do deathrock ’s bat wing eyeliner look again paired with a gorgeous dark lip.  I wore lime crime’s venus palette for the eyes and kat von d’s everlasting liquid lipstick in the shade vampira for the lips. 

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“Nosferatu.” A romantic, blood-crimson.
Finishing up swatches for the upcoming release of 16 new shades of my Everlasting Liquid Lip [launching July]! #comingsoon #sephora #nosferatu #KVDLook [March 31st, 2015]

“Witches.” Pitch as dark, black as night. [1 out of 16 new Everlasting Liquid Lip shades, coming this July!]#witches #makeuptalk #gothkisses [March 31st, 2015]

“Echo.” Satin navy blue. [1 of the 16 new Everlasting Liquid Lip shades launching: July 16th!] #echo#longwear #makeuptalk #KVDLook [March 31st, 2015]