1. you have a toothbrush in her bathroom. you have a toothbrush in her bathroom and a hair brush in her drawer and her mom knows you don’t like rice so she always makes noodles instead when you’re over. you talk in the dark and her soft breath on your collarbone makes you want to cry. don’t.
2. she always falls asleep before the movie’s finished so you pause it before the climax. you always let her sleep for 20 minutes before poking her in the ribs. she giggles awake and pushes you off the couch. laugh, but don’t look. the crinkles next to her eyes will make it too hard to sleep tonight.
3. she’s on your bed sighing every 45 seconds about algebra and you’re on your computer scrolling through the wikipedia article for Henry VIII. she goes down the stairs without a word and comes back with two cups of chocolate milk; your favorite. thank her, turn back around and close your eyes. try as hard as you can not to kiss her. succeed.
4. you’re at an end of school party that she dragged you to. she spent the first hour and a half glued to your side but then she got distracted and hasn’t come back to where you’re stitched into the corner of a couch playing tetris on your phone. she finds you and wordlessly pulls you away, a manic smile smeared across her lips. she pulls you into the woods where no one can hear you and you can’t see her. she tells you how she made out with some soccer-playing idiot boy who doesn’t deserve her time of day. she says it was amazing, describes it in detail and your ears start ringing. be glad she can’t see you. look up at the stars all bleary-eyed, chest split wide open and curse every god you can name for giving this girl to you. you deserved better. even I know that.
5. forgive her.
6. when she sits next to you at lunch, give her your applesauce. she always forgets how much she loves it and it will make her kiss your cheek. take that kiss and press it deep into your bloodied heart so you can pull it back out when the monsters come to play at night. they’ll tell you she’ll never love you. show them the kiss and tell them she already does.
how to pretend to be straight for her, vol. 2, by windy sharpe